Survive
by CellarDoorxx
Summary: "That family is like a drug. They make you feel good at first but in the end they'll be the death of ya" A Peaky Blinders/Michael Gray story
1. Survive

" _Fuck_ "

I stick my now bloody finger in my mouth. I can't afford to get blood on this dress. I throw the sewing needle onto the table beside me and take the dress over to the hanging rack to examine my work.

Clean lines and no hanging threads. I let out a sigh in relief. Walking over to the cabinet I fetch out a bottle of scotch and a glass. I sip my drink, take a deep breath and close my eyes. I soon envision the life I wish I could call my own. The fantasy of a world that only belongs in my head or in the books I read. These dreams are always quick to fill my mind when my eyes are closed which must be why I get very little sleep. There is no room for fantasies.

 **Not here** , not in Birmingham.

I open my eyes to look around my mothers shop. It may seem like nothing special to an outsider, but to me this is where my fantasies began.

When I was little I would run in the back door to find my mother creating beautiful dresses and suites. I would watch in hopefulness that maybe one day I'd be able to wear such exquisite gowns.

" _One day you'll come running into the house saying you've found yourself and man who you love with all ya heart. And on that day I'll start to make the dress that you'll be wed in_."

My mum is such a firm believer in love.

 _"But mummy boys are mean. Clayton pulls on my hair and Henry makes fun of my clothe_ s."

We may work for wealthy people but we were not wealthy by any means. The children at school seem to take notice of that.

 _"Well my Kenzie dear. When you're older you'll see to it that those boys are the butlers serving you and your husband breakfast together in your own house hmm._ "

A laugh fell from my lips as the memory faded and I was brought back to reality. I started walking through the shop examining all the furniture and machinery, gently running my hand atop it all.

The counter, where the sales are made. A desk and chair for consultations, the hanging racks for the finished garments and then there was the chair I now find myself sitting in.

It was my fathers chair. A large deep red cushion chair that I could sit in for hours and just pretend. This chair has been my own personal stallion which I've rode to win the derby. It's also been my pilot seat and my painting easel. The corner of m lips rise as I run my hand across all the cracks and rips it has suffered from its years of comfort.

I'm soon knocked from my thoughts as the bell above the door chimes.

In walked in a woman who could make men and women quake. My eyes landed on auburn curls. It could be said an imaginary crown is placed upon those curls.

"Hello, anyone 'ere ? McKenzie?"

I put down my glass down and smoothly walk around the clothes rack that was obstructing her view of me.

"Hello, Ms. Shelby."

Elizabeth Gray. The matriarch of the Shelby clan.

"McKenzie, 'ow many times do I have to tell you to call me Polly?"

I let out a small chuckle. "I guess once more ma'am."

"Ma'am, oh no silly girl please don't make me feel older than I already am." I just nodded my head with a small smile and directed her over to the rack.

"I have your dresses right ova' here. Just finished this one right 'fore you walked in."

She followed me over to the hanging rack before stopping to glance at the hanging material. She was quiet for a moment as she examined the stitches and beadwork.

"Your mothers beadwork has always been the best in town." Her eyes sweeping away from the dresses and meeting mine.

"Yeah, she's the best." I mumbled fidgeting with my hands while walking behind the counter to collect Polly's receipts.

"Alright so the normal cost for two dresses."

Polly nods then begins sifting through her purse. She seems to have her self together when it seems something suddenly catches her eye. "Now what is it we have here ?"

I follow her gaze till it lands on the red satin gown slightly hidden in the corner.

"Ohh that, umm that's nothing." I quickly stumble over my words as I try to avert her attention elsewhere. But before I can the satin material is sitting gently between her fingers.

"Now who may this dress be for hmm ?"

I know me lying would be pointless considering I'm terrible at it so the truth comes tumbling out.

"Well, I mean, I guess it's sort of mine now..."

"Sort of ?"

Before I can stop I begin pacing around the shop, while fidgeting with my hands, which seems to be my nervous habit.

"Well yes and no. You see it was commissioned for a women's daughter in town for when the daughter was suppose to meet her suitor but before that could happen apparently it came out that um, the girl was, well you see.."

"Pregnant ?" My pacing stopped and my gaze found hers. "Well, um yes.."

"Yes I 'eard about the incident with Miss. Tomlinson. Quite a shame actually." She seemed to tsk before looking back at me.

"Now what will you do with such a magnificent dress ?"

Her eyebrow is raised but it seems she already knows the answer. "Well I may have adjusted the measurements to fit my own.."

"May have ?"

"Alright yes I did. But I can not keep it. It would go to waste. And I can't afford to be using our materials on myself for my own selfish indulgences. So if you're truly interested in it, it's yours."

Something between a laugh and a scoff came from Polly's lips. "Silly girl you really think I'd fit into that ?" Thankfully before I could answer that she added on. "And anyway that dress is meant for young legs like yours."

Unbeknownst to me a small blush crept up my neck. "Well I guess it'll look great on another pair of young legs." And with that I led her back to the counter but not before taking another glance at the ruby gem hidden back in the corner.

* * *

"Pol, you know that's to much."

I look at her with confusion. The normal going rate for anyone relating to the Blinders is a five note for any work done. On the counter in front of me was placed two ten notes. "How's ya mum doing sweetheart?" She grabs my hand that's sitting on the counter.

I stay quiet for a moment. I look at her, her eyes holding nothing but pity. I hate that look. The look that's says there's nothing you can do about it.

"She's **fine**." I take my hand from her grasp and walk back around the counter to stand beside her. "It helps no one if ya lie to me ya know." I sigh as I lean my back against the counter. I can help but take in my surroundings yet again. I'm standing in my mothers pride and joy. She built this place from the ground up after my father's passing. She put all of herself into this place. Too bad it can't give anything back to her now.

"The doctors say possibly two or three weeks." I refuse to make eye contact. I refuse to see that look again. I feel a hand touch my arm. I look to her as a tear finally escapes. "She's a righteous woman. The good lord will take care of her." I take a deep breath before wiping my eyes. "I know he will." She hears my reply but says nothing.

I know Polly is a very religious woman. Even with her families history, I often pass her on the streets after she has spent her time repenting. I myself have not taken up such beliefs. If god was so righteous the woman who brought me into this world would not be bound to be leaving it so soon.

My hand soon feels the brush of paper and I'm once again shaken from my thoughts. "It's not up for argument. You will take this and put it in that draw. Understand ?" It wasn't a question. So I just gave her a small smile with a nod of my head. I take the money from her again but soon see another note was added. I open my mouth to protest but before I can her hand is raised.

"Now I want you to take that dress," she points to the corner, "and put it in your closet where it rightfully belongs." I have no words to express my feelings so I surprise us both by bringing her into a hug. We separate and I round the counter and place the notes into the draw.

"Do you want me to wrap the dresses up for you?"

"No don't worry I'll send one of the boys down later to fetch 'em." I nod my head and can't help but look at the women in front of me with astonishment. Once more she grabs my hands and brings them close.

"Kenzie, you listen to me. You are a strong girl 'right. I hope my daughter would've been as bright and hardworking as you are." My head snaps up to meet her misty eyes.

"I was unaware you had a daughter Pol."

She's been coming to me and my mother for as long as I can remember for her and her families clothes and she never once mentioned a daughter, I only knew of her niece, Ada.

"Well she's no longer around. But you, you are here. And your mother is incredibly proud of you, as am I."

I now with misty eyes of my own returned to my fathers chair and brought my hands to my face. Polly soon followed behind.

"What will I do when she's gone." The question came out so quietly I didn't know if it was said only in my the look on Polly's face confirms the words were now out in the open. She crouched in front of me and her hands gently pries my own from my face.

"You'll do what all us woman must do here in Small Heath when faced with something tragic."

I look up to meet her eyes. "And what is that exactly?"

"Survive."


	2. Life

Finally after a long day I flip the store sign to closed and lock everything up. Not wanting to be alone with my thoughts tonight I decide to take a trip over to the new Garrison. Word spread quickly about the "gas leak'". Hell I heard the explosion all the way at the shop. I'm not usually one for gossip but the whispers around town are saying that the explosion was anything but an accident.

But hey that is none of my concern. The Shelby family has always been very kind to me and my mother so who am I to scrutinize their business.

Finally getting to the pub to pull the door open with a huff. Before I could even take three steps in, time seemed to freeze. You'd think the god damned Pope just walked in the door. The eyes seemed to follow me as I finally shuffled myself over to the bar. Time resumed and the men seemed to drift back to their conversation like I never arrived.

"'Ello love, bit late for you to be here don'tcha think?" A gruff voice says. My eyes find the man standing opposite of me. Seems like an older gentleman with strong eyes and slightly white hair.

"Whisky, Irish please." He gives me a tight smile with the nod of his head before turning back to get my drink. I let out a sigh as I situate myself on the bar chair. I take in the new environment.

Everything is very… gold.

Seems more high end then the old Garrison. Something you might find in London. Not that i'd know. Just assuming from the talk I heard.

"'Ere ya are Miss." A glass soon appears in front of me and I throw two coins on the table with a small small to the barman.

As I sip my glass I take in the company that surrounds me. It seems that I'm the only female in the room. I don't feel unsafe even tho. I know that if I sit and mind my own the men will pay me no mind.

I think back to the satin dress now hanging in my small closet. It's been about a week since I've seen Polly or anyone really from the Shelby clan. But that's understandable with the whole pub situation and I heard about Ada's husband. Tragic. I could tell she really loved him. And now she has a child to raise on her own. The Shelby women are strong she'll be able to handle it.

"If ya keep thinking so hard smokes gonna come outcha ears."

The grouch voice that fills my ears can only belong to one man.

"Good evening Mr. Shelby." I send him a small smile

Thomas Shelby. Leader of the Peaky Blinders and King of Small Heath

"Kenzie ya know you're more than welcome to call me Tommy."

I've always had a funny relationship with the Shelby's. I've watched John's kids more times than I can count. The kids are mongrels but I have a soft spot for em. I helped Finn with his writing and reading since he barely ever attended his class. We seem to have a codependent relationship. The heard about my mothers situation but much like everyone else don't know the details. I've chosen to keep them to myself.

The one thing I've learned growing up here is don't expect kindness. Unless you've done for someone they sure as hell won't do for you.

"It's been a while since I've seen ya didn't know if that offered still stood."

"Well if you and your mum keeps making my suites the way ya do you can call me whatever the bloody hell ya want."

I let out a breathy laugh. "Well we're very happy you enjoy our service." I raise my glass to him before finishing my drink.

"How's she doing by the way?"

"She's fine." I say without making eye contact.

"Kenz you've always been a terrible lair."

I tilt my head back and glance at him outta the side of my eye. "Maybe you could teach me how to then."

Realization hit me not only with what I just said but who I said it to.

"Shit" I mumble before turning my whole body towards him. "Tommy I'm sorry I didn't mean—" he held up his hand with a laugh

"You've always been a bit of a light weight too."

My skins soon feels hot and I realize he's right.

I push my glass away from me "you're right. I should probably be heading home.

I slump off the chair and put my coat back on.

"I'll walk you back."

"Oh no Tommy stay and finish your drink it's fine."

He looks at me then gulps down the whole rest of his drink before turning back.

"All finished."

And with that we were off.

* * *

"So 'ow are the boys?" The walk home from the Garrison isn't a long journey but long enough to make conversation. "Pains in the ass." He mumbles while lighting himself a cigarette.

"Oh so their normal." He snorts before offering me a cigarette. "Tommy you know I don't."

"Yeah I know, always been a good girl eh." I blush at his comment. Smoking was something I never took up. I've done it once or twice with some of the girls after class and a couple of times after visiting my mom but I aways told myself they weren't worth the money or the addiction.

Drinking now that was a different story. I began to indulge myself in that ever since my fathers passing. I've never gotten to the point of fall down and can't get up drunk but there has been a few times when Tommy or one of the boys had to escort me back home or else I wouldn't of gotten there.

The worst being after my mothers first trip to the hospital. I was planning on drinking the Garrison dry that night but Harry had cut me off after three drinks and a minor temper tantrum that turn into a full blown sob session. I like to leave that memory in the back of my mind. I've never been one to truly show my emotions in that way. I was quite embarrassed that night and went back to apologize to Harry the next day. He said he'd seen much worse. I would think so with his profession.

We continued on in silence for a little before Tommy decided to break it.

"I have a favor I need to ask of you Kenzie."

I looked up to him since he towers over my small frame. His face looked deadly serious.

"Of course what's it about."

"I need ya to kill someone."

I stopped walking and watched him walk on until he realized I was no longer next to him. My head became foggy and my heart started to race.

"I what—Tommy I can't — what."

He took another puff of his cigarette before a smile reached his face.

"I'm fucking with you, Kenz"

I've never let out a bigger breath then I did in that moment.

I ran up to him and swatted at him with my bag. "Thomas fucking Shelby don't you ever scare me like that again."

All he could do was laugh while trying to deflect my hits.

After I took a second to settle myself I asked him "So do you actually need a favor then or you just trying to give me heart failure?"

"I do actually. My cousin, Polly's son just arrived in town and I need someone to familiarize him with it."

It might be because of the whisky but I was slow to respond.

"Wait, Polly has a son?"

"I did just say that yes."

I gave him a glare. "The boys, Polly and I are gonna be busy tomorrow and we all thought you would be the perfect substitute."

My mouth just kept opening and closing. Polly has a son. And he's new to town. There to busy to show him around. The Peaky Blinders are busy and that's never good

"McKenzie you alright." I'm snapped out of my racing thoughts.

"Yeah of course." I start walking again and Tommy keeps up. "So you just need me to show 'em around ?"

"Precisely, you two are the same age so you'll probably share the same perspective of our quiet little town."

I scoff while shaking my head at Tommy.

"Tommy I think everyone has the same perspective on this town."

"And what would that be." He raises his eyebrow.

"It's a piece of shite."

Tommy let out a chuckle. "Yes but it's our piece of shite."

* * *

"— And then over there would be my moms shop, where I work.

Michael nods his head like he has to everything else I've mentioned.

As we continue walking he comes to a stop outside the shop.

"So what do you do in there exactly." He asks while peering through the shop window.

That's the first question he's asked me all afternoon. I take a seat on the step in front of the door of the shop. Micheal soon follows.

"Well I help my mom with mainly dress making and sewing. But every once and a while will get a request for a suit, manly from your family."

He smiles at that. "Really then?" I just nod while giving him a small smile back.

Michael jumps up then turns to me with his arms out.

"Alright then what you think about the suit I'm wearing."

I let out a light laugh. "It's a nice suit Michael."

He points to me with disbelief on his face, "Don't bullshit me. Come on whatcha think."

I stand from the step and cross my arms. "Alright spin around"

"What?"

"You 'eard me—," I laugh. "Give me a nice slow spin." I gesture with my fingers.

He soon complies and does two slow spins before coming face to face with me again.

"Well?"

I take in his cream colored plaid suit and plaid printed bow tie.

"Well it's very.. umm.."

"Very what ?"

"Posh." I spit out. There's no other way to describe it. He looks like he belongs anywhere but Small Heath. His old mother must've picked this out for him.

He lets out a quiet scoff. "I am very far from posh my dear." His eyes twinkle with the added pet name.

"Alright then."

I rush through my purse and pull out a small key to unlock the front of the shop.

"What you doing?" He asks from behind.

I swing the door open before turning back to him. "Well Mr. Gray if you're gonna be walking around Birmingham with the Shelby boys then you need to fit the part."

He smiles before following me into the shop.

* * *

"—And then my dad comes running out the back door yelling, "you can't just tell your little brother that by him eating an acorn he'll turn into a half squirrel half human."

I laughed at Michaels outrageous story as we entered into the Shelby residence. I've only been there a few times and it was with my mother to deliver dresses or suits to the Shelby's for there special occasions.

"You can throw you're coat and bag where ever." I nod as I put my coat on the back of the chair by the fire place before sitting down at the table.

"Would ya like some tea ?" Michael ask as we settle in.

"Yes please." He nods while putting the kettle on the stove before coming to sit at the table as well.

"So how you liking the town ?" After getting him into a new suit I never really heard his thoughts about the small tour I had given him.

"I like it. The towns full of..—"

" Drunks, whores, thieves, drunken thieves."

He laughs at my interruption before getting up to get the tea kettle.

"Life. This town is full of life." I looked at him curiously. That's one word I've never heard to describe Small Heath.

Michael leans against the table with his hands locked. "At my old home we had a white picket fence and an acre long backyard. We weren't aloud to stay out past sun down and had to go to church every Sunday. For fifteen years I had to look at the picket fence without ever being able to go past it."

Our eyes met as I took a sip of my tea that he had poured for me. "If I had to look at that fence for another day. I would've burned it to the ground."

I place down my cup as I look at him. "Well I'll tell you one thing." His eyebrows furrow.

"You sure as bloody hell are a Shelby boy I'll tell ya that."

He laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Speaking of which, where is that crazy bunch at ?"

"I'm not quite sure actually—." He's cut off by a muffled voice coming from behind the green doors next to us. He looks at me curiously before bringing a fingers to his lips to silence our conversation. He quietly gets up from the chair before crouching against the set of doors. I follow him but stay back a bit as to not intrude. As his ear is pressed against the door I can see his eyes are somewhere else.

He remains listening for a moment before taking a key hanging off a nail.

"Micheal wait—" my protest is to late. The doors our swung open and Michael walks in on what only could be seen as a Shelby family meeting.

Knowing I'm very much not apart of said family I wait right where my feet are planted in the kitchen.

"I thought I told you to lock that door." I hear Polly's angry voice.

"He did. I took the key off the hook. Look I've been listening."

Oh here we bloody go

"I want to go with them. I love horses I could even help." Micheal pleads

"Over my dead body." Polly proclaims.

"It'll be alright mum. I've been to tons of horse races with my uncle. They're very respectable, people even bring their butlers."

I see Polly soften as Michael calls her mum. The other Shelby boys begin to chirp in.

"Yeah and there posh wives." Arthur chimes, the boys beginning to joke around.

I watch Polly's face as all of this is getting discussed and I already know her answer.

"I'll bring him home sort 'em out and drop him back at the house after." John offers.

"No." Polly stands firm. "Fuckin' no." I see Michaels shoulders slouch before he slowly retreats.

For the first time I'm exposed. My eyes connect with Thomas before sweeping over to Polly's. I see the argument she's having within herself. Michael angrily pushes some papers off the table as he passes by. He throws the door open more when he reaches it. We make eye contact but I don't say anything.

"Come on." Michael grabs my wrist before dragging me along to the door. Before we're gone I turn back to connect eyes with Polly once more.

But now I have 4 sets of eyes on me and all I can do is bow my head and follow Michael out the door.


	3. Chaos

"Kenzie, my dear do you know anything about horses ?"

I'm currently sitting with Polly at her dinning room table as she is preparing what

seems to be sandwiches.

"I do actually, my uncle owned a stable and when I was younger I would always go over to sneak in a ride before going to class. My uncle own a beautiful white mare that I ingeniously named snowflake." Polly laughed. "I would ride her for hours before my parents would come searching for me. I had to be dragged home to eat dinner."

I always felt a special connection with horses. It may sound strange but they give me a sense of comfort. You can tell how one is feeling just by looking in its eyes. Their beautiful creatures. Just wanting to be free.

"Well do you still ride her ?"

"No." My eyes cast down. "She had to be put down. Broke one her legs one day when she got scared during a thunderstorm." I answered solemnly.

"I'm sorry I can see how much you cared for her"

I gave her a ghost of a smile as I sipped on my tea.

"I can't believe it." I look at the doorway to see Micheal enter in a dashing gray suit.

"All John's old things fit me." He has such a large smile on his face. A look of belonging. I send him a small smile that he returns which causes heat to creep up my neck.

"Christ you look like your father."

There's something in Polly's eyes as she says it. He makes his way over to the table and sits to the left of me. "Shrimp and Ham." Polly gestures to the food being prepared on the table. I see Michael debating with himself for a moment.

"What was he like, dad, how did he die?" His curiosity spills out. I couldn't blame him. He's entered into a whole new world now. A whole new life.

Polly looks up at him. "Well I won't lie to you." I catch her eyes briefly.

"He died drunk, squeezed between a boat and a log." She lets out a sigh. "The old river gypsies death." Surprisingly though she carried on.

"But he could sing, play the piano, his smile break ya heart." She glances at Michael as she began wrapping the food. "You've got his same beautiful eyes."

Now that was something I noticed as well. He eyes were a beautiful pool of blue. Not as piercing as Tommy's though, much calmer. But we all know Tommy's eyes hold much that a person would never want to see. Michael's hold a sort of innocence I haven't seen.

"When he was sober he was kind and gentle." Polly sat down again.

"His problem was, he fell into the wrong crowd when he was a boy." I felt like a I was intruding on such a intimate conversation so I kept my eyes down as I fiddled with my sleeve.

Soon Polly was cut off by an obnoxious sounding car horn. "I have told them not to blow that horn." She storms off to the front angrily.

"This is a respectable fuckin' neighborhood." Me and Michael both let out a chuckle at her brashness. Michaels takes the bag Polly packed for him in his lap before he turns to me.

"Ready to go ?"

"The hell are you talking about?" Confusion surrounding my words. I wasn't aware why Polly invited me over this morning but I assumed it had to do with the events that had transpired yesterday. I honestly thought I was going to be threaten and scolded and told I was never to speak a word of what I heard or saw.

"Well you said you know horses, yeah?"

"I mean kind of but isn't this a family trip?"

"Silly girl." I turn to see Polly standing back in the door frame. "Don't you know by now that you are family."

I don't know weather to feel flattered or terrified. My mouth opens and closes. I can't refuse. But I'm quick to think of an excuse.

"I have nothing to wear. I can't show up to a horse auction looking like this." I gesture down to my sheer button up top and green worn down skirt.

"Nonsense. You can borrow one of Ada's old dresses." And with that I'm ushered upstairs by Polly only to look back to see a laughing Michael.

* * *

The rumble of a truck engine was my new silence. After changing into one of Ada's old dresses, Polly insisted I take one of her fur coats. She topped it all of with a beautiful pair of maroon earrings and a matching purse.

I was gobsmacked. I looked like a high end Londoner. Michael has escorted me out to the truck where we met up with the rest of the Shelby boys and I met two new men named Charlie and Curly.

Curly bought a smile to my face. Such a sweet and innocent soul.

We've been ridding in the back of the truck for well over an hour before we suddenly pulled off to the side of the road.

I was pretty nervous at first. Still not quite sure why I was asked to join the men. Sure I know some bit about horses but it seemed that Tommy had everything covered. I think Michael was quick to sense my nerves since he put a comforting hand on my knee and it's remained there for the duration of the ride.

"She's heating up Curly, take a look." Tommy had let the hatch down in the back as Curly quickly scurried out.

"Let me out for a piss." Charlie grumbled while hopping out. I remained sitting next to Michael as he began shuffling through the satchel Polly packed for him.

"She made loaves, you want one ?" Michael looked up at Arthur with his question.

"What the bloody hell is that ?" Arthur gestured his head to the neatly wrapped food now sat to Michaels right.

"Sandwiches. Ham I think, we've got shrimp too." John quickly came over and stole the canteen Polly prepared with tea.

The boys all shared a humorous look while Michael remained lost.

"Sandwiches?" Arthur laughed

"Yeah."

"Polly made bloody sandwiches." A grin overtook Arthur and Tommy's faces. I let out a quiet chuckle of my own. Polly's new found motherhood seems to have given her a new soft spot and the boys quickly realized.

"What is this teddy bears fuckin' picnic ?" Charlie grumbled out while smelling the tea. I put a comforting hand on Michaels arm while giving him a small smile, hoping he wouldn't take offense to the boys antics.

"Alright alright, we will drink the tea then we will eat the sandwiches then we'll drive on." Tommy interjected. He gave Charlie a quick pat on the back before returning to the front of the truck.

"Come on." Arthur gestured to the sandwiches while Michael began shoving a whole one in his mouth.

Men.

I tossed Arthur a loaf since Michael was busy with his own. "Ou ant wne"?

What I think was a question came out of Michaels full mouth. "How about you chew then swallow then ask me again." I tell Michael giving him a pointed look. He looks down a bit sheepishly before completely swallowing.

"I asked if you wanted one ?"

"No don't worry about me." Michaels eyes narrowed. "What ?"

"You're eating a bloody sandwich girl." I look across at Arthur as he nods in agreement. I don't bother putting up a fight so I reach across Michael and grab a loaf of my own.

As I take in the environment around me I can't help but smile. These boys make me smile. But I realize how dangerous that is. How dangerous these boys truly are.

I keep that in the back of my mind. For now I just smile and laugh because ignorance is bliss, even if it is fake ignorance.

* * *

"Alright lads this is a respectable event, and you'll all behave accordingly." We all follow in suit behind Tommy as we enter the auction house. It's quite beautiful with stained glass windows and a large banister.

"No weapons, no drinking. We all stay together. When the horse comes up I'll do the bidding." As Tommy is making his speech the tea we drank in the truck finally hits me.

I grab Michaels sleeve to get his attention. "I have to use the lavatory." We're both now stopped in the middle of the staircase while the rest have gone up ahead.

"But Tommy said we should stay together, Kenz." I smile as that's the first time he's used the nickname.

"What Tommy doesn't know won't hurt 'em and plus I'll be back before he even notices." The hand I placed on his arm slowly slips down to his hand. His hand seems to linger on mine before he nods his head. My hand is dropped and he turns to follow the rest up ahead.

I turn and head back down the stairs since I saw we passed the restrooms as we entered.

The stall door slams behind me as I make my way over to the sink. I pay no mind as I hear the door open. I'm washing my hands when I see another woman to my left examining her hair in the mirror.

She's extremely pretty. Short brown hair tucked into a gray hat. A sharp jaw with precise lips. She catches my eyes before I can look away. I curse myself since she most think I'm intrusive now.

"I'm sorry do I know you." I quickly look back to the woman to see her facing me with a presumptive look.

"Oh, um—" I look down and like clockwork my hands begin to fidget. "No I'm sorry. I was just admiring your beautiful coat." It's true her coat was magnificent. Grey knitting topped with an almost silk like black fur.

"Oh well thank you." I just nod before returning back to the mirror in front of me assuming that was the end of the conversation.

"Are you new to the horse scene? I don't believe I've seen you here before."

She must be a regular then. Either a trainer or an owner. "Yes, we'll sort of. I've um known horses my whole life, owned a few but never been to an auction. I'm here with a friend." She nods accepting my answer.

"Well I'm May Carleton." She stuck her hand out. "Pleasure." I reply while shaking her warm hand.

"It's nice to see another woman here. Most of the time the horse scene seems to be a bit of a boys club." I agree with that. A woman is normally at a horse race for one reason and that's to be the arm candy.

"Well I wish you and your friend luck and I do hope to see you around more—" I realize I haven't given her my name.

"McKenzie, but my friends call me Kenzie."

I don't know why I told her that but I seem to trust her. She's got a warm feeling about her.

"Well Kenzie I do hope you stay around. Us woman need to stick together." With a wink and a small smile she was gone.

I can't help but hope that we do in fact get the opportunity to meet again.

* * *

"There you are I was beginning to worry." I returned to the side of Michael hearing his claim.

"Oh hush you." I bump his arm with a tight smile. I look down below to see a beautiful black mare which was being auctioned. Now I could get used to this. I think Michael could sense my happiness since her turned to me with a big smile.

"What?" I asked gently.

"I don't think I've seen you this happy, that's all." Heat consumed my face instantly. What could I say, Horses bring me joy.

"Alright Tommy this is her." I look down as Charlie tell Tommy the horse he wants is now up for auction. She's beautiful, gray and white with silver hair and long white tail.

I turn to see Tommy take one last drag of his cigarette before his eyes are locked in on the price. I can tell by the look in his eyes this is now his horse and he'll get it by any means necessary.

"Do we hear eight hundred guineas? Eight fifty." The auctioneers voice echoes through the room. Tommy's short nod soon proclaims his bid.

"One thousand do I hear one thousand fifty." Again Tommy bids.

"One thousand one hundred." I soon follow Tommy's gaze to across the way to see his bidding opponent. A man in a gray suit with a newspaper in his hand.

But an inaudible noise comes from my mouth when I see the brunette standing besides him. Michaels and Arthur's gazes both snap to me at the noise.

I quickly cough to cover it up. "Sorry." I whisper with embarrassment.

Tommy's eye soon meet the brown ones from across the room before nodding to offer his bid once again.

As the horse soon reaches one thousand seven hundred the boys are quick to realize that they hit their cap.

"That's it Tom you have to stop."

"You don't have it in ya—"

Tommy cuts both Charlie and Arthur off.

"Yes I do and I'm 'aving the horse."

Curly is quick to interject. "She's a sweet beast Tommy but I'm telling ya I'm feeling something bad."

"Shut up Curly."

The bidding war rages on. I soon turn my back against the railing, the intensity becoming to much. My thumb nail wedges itself between my teeth as I hear the wages continued to be rattled off.

"Two thousand fifty once, two thousand fifty twice, two thousand fifty last time—"

The gavel is rightfully slammed.

"Sold to the Mr.—"

"Thomas Shelby." I let out a sigh of relief. I turn back around just in time to see Tommy nod at the brunette beauty with the hint of a smile before turning away to go pay his debt.

Miss Carleton's eyes soon find mine and widen a bit in realizing who exactly my friend was. The upper corners of my lips rise a bit before a warm hand has taken my own and I'm whisked away.

* * *

"Alright so tell me who is she."

The boys and I are leaning against the walls outside the office while Tommy is paying. Nothing much being said before Michael's voice is heard seemingly only in my ears.

"She, who?"

"Don't give me that. You knew her, the woman Tommy was bidding 'gainst."

"I met her in the bathroom before that's all." I can tell he has more questions but for now he seems to accept that answer.

"Alright you two." A heavy hand falls on my shoulder. "We bought you here since you apparently know it all about horses eh?"

Arthur's gruff voice invades my ears. "Now tell me what you think about her." By her I'm assuming he asking about the Shelby families new acquisition.

"Well she's a beauty."

"Yeah no shit Michael even I noticed that." John laughs at his own statement before bending forward to light his cigarette.

"Well she obviously a filly so the perfect age for racing. From what I saw she seems to be a thoroughbred which means she's not a hot blooded breed, so she'll have a boldness to her which might make her hard to train but not if given the right trainer and care."

As I look up after my little speech I see all eyes locked on me.

"What?"

"I knew there was a reason for bringing ya girly." I'm soon brought into the arms of Arthur in what seemed to be a dance like hug. I let out a string of laughs as he lets go.

"Now did you know all that Mikey boy." Arthur teasingly questions his cousin with a hand on my shoulder.

"No I didn't but I'm glad there was someone here who did." And with that I move away from Arthur to lean against the wall next to Michael.

We remain waiting for Tommy as John and Arthur mess about in the hall. Tiredness suddenly consumes me and I close my eyes and lean my head back and to the side. Soon enough I finds a comfortable position against the wall.

"Tired." My eyes open only to realize the comfortable spot on the wall was really Michaels shoulder.

I quickly push myself from the wall and turn myself around to meet Michaels front.

"Oh jeez, um sorry, yeah I got a little drowsy for a moment."

Michael just laughs. "It's alright it's been a long day. You can sleep on the ride home hm." I just nod before leaning against the wall opposite him.

I see Tommy round the corner looking ready to go. We all push ourselves up from our positions starting to leave but are soon interrupted.

"You beat us to it." Then familiar voice fills my ears. I look over to see Tommy stopped by May before he could make his way over to us.

"Sorry." He wasn't sorry. Thomas Shelby is never sorry for anything that's for damn sure.

There conversation continues before the nitwits next to me start to become restless.

"Tommy come on hurry up we gotta go."

I give Arthur a nice whack in the stomach which seems to only make him laugh harder.

I see May hand Tommy something before the other Shelby decides to open his fat mouth. "Tommy we've got to get these kids back home." Again a heavy arm is thrown around my should. "Especially this one before Polly has our balls."

I finally let out a laugh just based on the pure immaturity portrayed in front of me.

"Tommy we got to get back to the caravans, the chickens are hungry." Michael is clutching his sides at how hard he's laughing from Arthur's antics.

May's eye sweep us over before returning to the man standing impatient infant of her. "You still never told me what you do."

"Oh I do bad things, but you already know that." And with that Tommy's back is turned to May as he finally makes his was over.

"Kenzie."

My attention is brought back to the end of the hall where May still stands.

"Do remember what I said." She lets her statement hang in the air for a moment before disappearing around the corner.

As I turn back to the men who dragged me here their eyes all hold questions, especially Tommy's. Before any of those questions can be asked I cut though the pack leading back the way we came.

When I see none have followed I stop and gesture on. "Shall we?" The men say nothing but soon walk ahead. Tommy stops before me. He says nothing, he doesn't need to. His eyes say it all. 'We're gonna have a talk you and me.'

He continues on before only Michael and I are left. Michael makes his way towards me before stopping with his arm outstretched.

"Shall we?" He copies my question, I laugh only before latching my arm to his own.

* * *

"Rich women these days, all they want is working class cock."

Arthur makes his thoughts about May loudly known. We all herd through the doorways as we make our way to the caravan. Michael and I throwing hip checks at each other occasionally. We laugh as I bump into John who twirls me around. I giggle as we continue on.

"Tommy maybe she was the something bad I had the feeling bout."

"Ah she looks alright to me Curly." John reassures the nervous man before bumping me back over to Michael who casually throws his arm around my waste.

I look at him in surprise but he doesn't seem to notice as he jokes on with Arthur.

I've never really been this touchy with a boy. Granted I did kiss Freddie O'Sullivan but I was eight and it was only cause he threaten to throw my doll in the canal if I didn't.

"All I'll say is she's got good contacts in the racing world, and she seems to have taken a liking to our Kenzie."

Tommy peers at me over his shoulder. 'Our Kenzie.' I've only ever heard them refer to Ada in that respect. I don't know weather to scream or smile.

I do that latter determining that's the most appropriate especially with the circumstance.

"Here Michael you drive." Michael's arm drops from my waste to catch the incoming keys from Tommy. He looks happy to be have given a job to do.

" **Thomas Shelby.** "

Time suddenly slowed. A man in a gray pea coat and hat, sitting at the auction table has suddenly announced the leaders name.

Seconds past before he's stood with his arm outstretched holding a glint of barreled metal.

A gun.

The first time I've seen one so up close and personal. Time resumed and all I could hear were shouts and gunshots.

I'm forcibly pulled to the ground from behind. Hands covering my head.

More gunshots.

More shouts.

It's all muffled though the hands placed on my head.

Soon my hearing and vision become clear again once a weight is lifted off me.

I look up just in time to see John lodge a bullet into one of the assailants shoulder. He thrown back by the force of the gun shot wound. Tommy runs over to pick up the dropped gun. Hands are on my waste once more as I'm picked up from the ground. I know it's Michael I'm now standing in front of. His hands still grasping tightly at my waste.

Tommy circles around with the gun high in the air looking for any other unwarranted attackers.

"Thomas Shelby, how bout fucking Arthur nice to meet ya !"

Arthur relentlessly punches the man in the face. The only ever time I've seen this much blood was when I saw my father in the hospital before he died.

"Get him off him !"

The remaining brothers and Charlie quickly detain Arthur before any further damage can ensue.

I hear the inescapable sound of Arthur ripping off a piece of the mans ear before spitting it back out on him. Charlie and Curly have their hands around his arms while Tommy has a vice grip around his neck.

I slowly start to stumble towards the ensuing battle but a hand in my own stops me. I look back to Michael but his now large blue eyes aren't even upon me. I gently pry my hand from his before continuing forward.

I kneel on the ground next to the hardly identifiable bloody assailant. Yet I can not muster up any empathy for the man that tried to take Tommy's life but I also know that him dying will not help our situation.

I look back over to see that the boys finally have Arthur down and complying. I bring my hand to the mans neck to check for a pulse. I only now see how badly my hands are shaking. I deep a deep breath trying to stabilize my hands before checking again. I'm relieved when I feel one and can see he's still breathing.

"He's still breathing." I mumble out as Tommy's head snaps to me.

He quickly crawls to me before heaving me up and pushing me into Michael's arms.

"Don't get any blood on the kids !"

My head is almost wedge between Michael's head and shoulder as I stand by his side. His arm around my waste while his other holds my upper arm.

We're both soon pushed back by Tommy.

"Micheal, Kenzie, you didn't see a thing. This didn't happen, alright? Give me the keys."

He holds his hand out waiting for Michael to obey his command. I look up to Michael when he doesn't listen.

"Michael, give me the keys." Tommy almost begs.

Michael's steps forward before saying, "I'm all right to drive." I've never heard him like that before, sounding so assertive.

Tommy takes a few deep breaths before quickly nodding.

"All right, take her with you. Go on. Go on!"

He quite literally shoves us away. Michael's arm still remains tightly around my waste. If it wasn't there I'm not sure if I'd be standing. I can only hear a muffled shouting over the sound of my heart beating.

And as my legs walk numbly besides Michael's I can't help but think maybe this is the reason horse auctions as well as many other things have always been a 'boys club'.

* * *

Polly's attention was drawn to the doorway as she heard the slam of the door. Michael walked in very aware of his mothers gaze.

"So, How'd it go?" She asked almost seeming slightly fearful.

"Well it was cold in the van but it was super. Really."

Polly let out a relieved sigh. She smiled at Michael for a moment before a realization struck her.

"And where's Miss Kenzie." She peered over Michaels shoulder like she was expecting the girl to walk around the corner any moment.

"Me and the boys dropped her off already. She was quite tired."

It wasn't a complete lie. McKenzie fell asleep in the van on the way home. But the boys new they couldn't let Polly see her or she would've known something occurred. You could see it in Kenzie's eyes.

 _Michael closed the door gently behind him as he escorted McKenzie into her house. It was quiet. Nothing said between the two. Michael watched as she gently took off his mothers old coat before pushing it out to him._

 _"_ _Tell your mum I said thank you for letting me borrow it, it's quite lovely."_

 _"_ _Keep it for now."_

 _Her tired eyes shrunk. "Why would I k—,"_

 _"_ _It gives me a guaranty to see you again." Even being as tired as she was, Kenzie still blushed at his words._

 _"_ _Give it to me tomorrow alright?" He gently pushed the coat towards her._

 _"_ _I really hope this didn't scare you off."_

 _She scoffed. "Nothing really scares me anymore."_

 _Michael walked closer to her. She took an instinctual step back. He tried again and with no argument continued forward._

 _"_ _You say that but then I look in your eyes and know its not true." She said nothing. Just let his words hang in the air. He watched as she held her breath as he approached closer. She felt his warm breath on her face. Her eyes fluttered close as his lips came in contact with her cheek. Dangerously close to the corner of her lips._

 _Her eyes opened when she no longer felt the warm sensation._

 _"_ _Goodnight Kenzie."_

 _It wasn't until she heard the slam of the door that she exhaled, before collapsing on the chair behind her._

"Did they behave themselves." Michael smiled at him mums question before grabbing her arm reassuringly.

"They were amazing mum. They were really amazing."

And as McKenzie found comfort beneath the sheets of her bed her mind couldn't help but drift to the eyes of the boy that remained calm among the chaos that surrounded them.


	4. Blood

"Fukin hell." No matter how many garments I've sewn I always find a way to prick myself.

I place down the pair of pants I'm repairing and sit back in my chair. I'm currently sitting in my living room. It's nothing much really. A two cushion couch, a small brown coffee table with a broken leg, a small fireplace that is hasn't been hot for a while due to our lack of fire wood and the love seat I'm sitting on that has too many holes to count.

I get up with a stretch. I hadn't realized how long I'd been sitting there. The time on my watch tells me it's well past supper. It's been so quiet around the house since mom was checked into the hospital.

I let out a sigh before deciding its best I eat something. I pace into the small kitchen and soon realize I haven't been food shopping in a good week. I grumble under my breath. I look through the cabinets only to find one lonely apple with a lovely bruise on it.

The shops are most definitely closed at this time of night. I realize there's only one option for myself. I've been trying to avoid this all day but a girls gotta eat. And with that I grab my coat from the couch. I see the black coat I've nicely folded up in the corner. Knowing I eventually need to give that bag but knowing now isn't the time leads me out the door and into the cool night.

I decide to take the long way to the Garrison. The air had a slight chill to it. Nothing outrageous but you can tell winter was upon us. I pull my coat closer as I walk next to the docks.

The canal is relatively calm at this time,nothing but a few ripples in the water. It's quite beautiful actually. The simplicity of the current flowing in the night. Seeing a small pebble next to the the edge my inner five year old comes out as I kick the rock into the water. The ripples multiply.

This continues on for some time as there's more and more rocks to kick but as my foot arches back once more I stop myself before following through.

The small rock I see is almost perfect. I reach down to grab the stone. It's a perfect circle thats is smooth and flat. No cracks or bumps. It feels perfect in my hand. As my thumb grazes over the pebble once more my stomach rumbles making me realize the reasoning behind this trip.

With that I slip the stone into my coat pocket before carrying on. I pass by Shelby inc. only to see the light to an office still on. It's unusual for him to be at the office at this hour. Before I can stop myself my feet are redirected up the steps and through the doors.

Lizzie's head peers up from her desk as I enter.

We've never spoken much the two of us. Only subtle hellos around the shops. She came in to have a dress repaired by my mother once. Had a large hole in it. Something someone could only do with sheer force. I never questions her line of business before she started working for Tommy. It was none of my business and as far as I'm concerned it isn't anyone else's either.

"Miss Andrews, Hello, is Tommy expecting you?"

Well she seems to have got the secretary job down pat.

"Um no actually, was more of a spontaneous visit." I feel quite silly in this moment. Who am I just to pop in unannounced on one of the most power men in Small Heath.

"Is everything alright ?" Her question comes with a raised brow. I can now see how odd she finds my visit as well. I mean I am friends with the Shelby family but this seems quite personal.

"Oh yes, everything's fine actually. I just had some silly idea— I'll actually be going-"

"I think Tommy would actually be happy to see you." I blink at her words. She leans over her desk before quietly speaking. "It's seems he's has a bit of a rough day. A bright eyed girl like you might cheer him up a bit."

Before the shock can register on my face Lizzie is already racing around her desk before guiding me to the office door.

"Lizzie no it's fine really, I don't want to interrupt— especially if he's working on something—

Before I know it I'm through the door and standing before Mr. Thomas Shelby.

"Important." I murmur out before my eyes quickly dart around the beautiful office. Not once making contact with the owners. My hands start to mangle around each other before I start pleading my case.

"Mr. Shelby, I'm so sorry. For some daft reason I decided to stop in when I saw the light still on and then Lizzie was there and saw me and all but shoved me in here even though I told her that I know you're a very busy man and must have very important work to attend to and—

"Kenzie."

"You must have so much on your plate it's so beyond rude of me to interrupt for my own personal reasons—

"Kenzie."

"And not only that but at this time of night. It's totally uncalled for and I apologize for my stupidity and my—"

"McKenzie." I'm forced to stop my word vomit when a hand comes in contact with my shoulder. I hadn't realized I was pacing until I look to see I was next to the large desk toward the back of the room. The hand on my shoulder makes me peer up to meet the eyes of its owner. Tommy's eyes had always been the loveliest of blues. Almost like a beautiful spring sky. I let out a hardy breath and my mouth hangs open like a god damn codfish.

"Is everything alright ?" I must've been incredibly erratic since this is the second time over been asked this in the last five minutes.

"Oh god, yes, everything is fine. I'm so sorry for barging in Tommy." The hand that was once on my shoulder is now held up to indicate I should probably shut my trap.

"It's no problem at all Kenzie, you know you're always welcome." Well that's a blessing to hear. I give Tommy a small smile and receive one back as he crosses over to the bar and pours himself and glass.

"You have a beautiful office." I drag my hand across the back of the leather seats and peer around to see all the details of the room arise.

"Yeah well with all the bloody time I spend in here, should have something decent to look at." I nod in agreement while he sips on his drink.

"Now tell you're reason for being here Kenzie." I turn back to find his eyes now boring into mine. Could never get away with anything with the bloody Shelby's around. "Honestly there's no reason just wanted to check in on you."

Tommy let's out a quiet hum before lighting a cigarette. "So you wanted to check up on me hmm. I think it should be the opposite considering what you saw the other night."

My heart has never felt so present in my chest until this very moment. I should've known this is the path this conversation would take. Stupid me, I should've stayed away. I don't think I'm ready to talk about this.

"Oh that." My eyes fall to the interestingly patterned rug.

"Yes, that." He taps the ashes of his cigarette off before circling back to his desk. Once he sits I do the same, across from him in the leather chair I was just admiring. I watch as he situates himself behind his desk. I feel as if I should be scared shitless just like any other person in my position should be. I saw the Peaky Blinders in action. I saw them take lives. Granted their actions weren't unprovoked but none the less. I tuck my hands under my thighs in hopes he doesn't see them shaking. I know Tommy nor any members of their family have never given me a reason the fear them but by the look of things I'm thinking I maybe should start.

"I'm sorry you had to see what you did McKenzie."

Damn it I knew— wait what? I look up wide eyed to find Tommy's face filled with complete sincerity.

"So you're not angry at me?" The question came out much quieter than I intended but by Tommy's expression I know that he heard.

"Why would I be angry. You didn't ask to be put in that situation or to see all of that unfold." He takes a gentle drag before continuing. "You're a sweet girl. You shouldn't be subjected to stuff like that alright."

I am baffled to say the least. "Oh alright, thank you Tommy." What I'm thanking him for I'm not sure but in that moment it seems like the only words to come to mind. He nods before falling back in his chair, bringing his cigarette back to his lips.

I notice he has a scratch right above his right eyebrow. Some blood has leaked through. Either he has yet to notice or doesn't care. I pull out a white napkin folded in my pocket. Before he can do anything I lean over the desk before gently covering the scratch. Tommy's hand soon covers mine and takes the napkin away before seemingly noticing the blood.

"Seems like you just can't get away from it hmm." My statement hangs in the air as Tommy has a lost look in his eyes.

There's a knock at the door disturbing both of us from our heads.

"Yes."

Tommy gets up and over to the bar by the time Lizzie enters. "Somebody to see ya Mr. Shelby. He says he's come about the position of accounting clerk."

"Alright send him in." Tommy returns to preparing his drink. I stand up taking this as my cue to leave. I've already interrupted Tommy from his business enough.

"Michael."

I turn quickly to see the young man standing in the door way. He's wearing the same suit from those nights ago. He still looks as dashing as ever.

"I'll leave you two to it." I nod at Tommy before quickly turning only to come in contact with a chest. I never really realized how short I was until this moment. I peer up to meet Michael's eyes that are peering down at me with both curiosity and something else I can't quite register.

"Hello Kenzie." And just like that I become a puddle on the floor. Flashbacks of our last encounter running through my mind. The warm feeling of his lips against my cheek makes me completely flushed. My cheeks are probably as red as the blood the Peaky Blinders spill.

I tuck in my chin and push a strand behind my ear.

"Um, hi Michael."

Our eyes meet and I see a twinkle of joy in his eyes. "You're applying for the job ?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah well I'm good with numbers and it's a family business so why not ?" He gives a shrug.

"Why not ?" I smile at him

A throat clear shook us from our little "moment".

We both turn to see Tommy sitting with his hands clasps on his desk and what seems like a content smile in the corner of his lips.

"Oh so um, I'll let you too get on with it. Good luck Michael." With a quick nod I'm almost out the door before Tommy's voice stops me.

"Kenzie." I grumble under my breath before turning with a raised brow.

"We're having a little get together at the Garrison for Michael's Birthday on Friday night. Care to join us ?"

Well this is a step in an interesting direction. I was just formally invited to a Shelby family function. "I don't want to intrude on a family party."

"An c'mon Kenzie you know you are family. And I'm sure Michael would rather like you to attend." This time Michael's cheek turned a red shade. He cleared his throat "Yeah Kenz you should come." Michael fiddle with his hands before looking at me with a small smile.

"Sure, why not."

"Great, eight o'clock see you there." My eyes flicker between the too before shuffling to the door and closing it behind me. I lean against the door and let out and slow deep breath with my eyes closed.

What did I just agree to.

—

I don't know if the quiet in my house is peaceful or it's about to drive me insane. As I sit here at my vanity the silence that fills the air finally hits me. I miss the sounds of my mom down in the kitchen baking something delicious the fills the air with an incredible aroma. Or when my dad would come home from work and wrap his arms around my mom and dance her around the kitchen, making both of their laughs sound like music.

Now it's just me.

I soon shake my thoughts as I realize I don't want to be late. I can't remember the last time I had makeup on, but tonight's a special occasion. I made a dark thick line on my eyelids and sound some red lip stain in my mother's old stash.

I turn to look over the dress I picked. The very dress Polly paid me to take for myself. I knew if I didn't wear it tonight I might never get the chance. I push my sweaty palms down my thighs before pushing myself up and cross to the bed where the dress rest.

Running my hands amongst the silk material never would I thought I could wear something as spectacular as this.

Once I've settled into the gown and finally managed to tame my hair, I think I'm finally ready. I grab my small purse and shove the small poorly wrapped box in it before slipping on my kitten heels.

As I turn to close the front door of my house the cold air finally hits. I pull my coat as close as I can before making my way to the Garrison.

—-

As I reach for the handle of the Garrison my name is called from behind.

"My my don't you look quite lovely in red." The voice that could only belong to Polly Shelby breaks through the cold. She looks beautiful with her full fox coat on.

"Oh stop it Pol, you look like the queen of Birhampton."

"And don't you forget it." She quickly kisses both my cheeks before giving me a warm hug. As the hug breaks I see the the birthday boy himself.

"Michael." What sounds like a whisper is released from my lips before I can even stop it. His hair is gelled down and the suit that he wears is black with a red tie. He looks like quite the man.

"Hello there Kenzie." He approaches me slowly, like I'm a small animal he doesn't want to scare away. "You look magnificent."

"Well you clean up mighty well yourself." I tease the boy as my hand reaches for the collar of his jacket, properly straightening it out.

He surprises me by landing a quick peck on my cheek before wrapping his arm around my waist and turning to his mum.

Polly raises an eyebrow at the two of us. She looks the way I feel right about now.

"Well shall we." Polly nods at her son with a smile before leading us into the bar.

The bar itself is crowded, as it should be on a Friday night. Men drinking away their weekly problems. I go to walk to the bar but a tug on my hip quickly redirects me.

"We're going to our private room." The warm voice hits my ears since he crouched down to make sure I hear over the music. I only nod letting him guide me to the Shelby Families personal room.

As Polly opens the door Michael guides me in next to him to the sounds of yells and hollers.

The whole damn Shelby clan is here. Michael arm quickly drops from my waste so he can shake Tommy's hand as he offers him well wishes. Tommy gives me a light kiss on the cheek as a warm greeting.

"Eighteen years old. You're a man today. Give him a drink John boy." Arthur seems to be the most excited as he quickly ushers John to give Michael his first legal beverage.

"And I would say after that we'd go find you a lady of the night but it seems you've got that all covered."

Well fuck me Arthur.

My cheeks must be the color of my dress as all of the Shelby's families eyes land on me.

"Arthur !" Polly stern voice cuts through the air. The man looks at me a bit sheepishly before taking a swig of his drink.

"Michael." Tommy voice turns the boys attention. He hands him a well sized rectangular box. I peer over his shoulder to see a gorgeous pocket watch wrapped up. "So you're never late for work."

I don't think I've ever seen Michael smile so bright before. John and Arthur both welcome him to the family business as he throws his arms around Polly.

A warm hand finds my own with a tight squeeze. I find Micheal look down at me with an expression that could only be described as pure happiness. I give him a bright smile before giving a gentle squeeze back hoping to convey my excitement for him.

"Now c'mon let's get him drunk come here you." As John pulls his cousin along to sit our hands still remain attached which pulls me down as well.

Tommy stands and raises his glass in the air. "To Michael."

A large smile takes over my face as I pier to my right to see the man we are all celebrating.

"To Michael." I raise my now full glass given to me by John. They chatter continues on after as everyone finds something to discuss. I move myself closer to Michael before dropping low right next to his ear.

"Happy Birthday Michael." I'm not sure if I've taken him by surprise but his head quickly turns to me. His eyes are almost brighter than his smile. He doesn't respond out loud. He subtly brings my hand to his lips before placing a sweet kiss on the back before dropping it back under the table where they remain together for the rest of the night.

—

I turn push the key into the lock as I close up the shop for the day. Did fairly well for ourselves this week between patch ups and fittings. I thought it would be a struggle with mum tucked away but luckily I got it done. And with all me fingers too.

I push the key to the bottom of my bag and makes sure it's secure before heading down the steps. I make it to the last step only to bump straight into someone.

"Shit I'm so sorry sir—."

"Now that I'm eighteen you're calling me sir huh ?"

I could laugh. "It would be you."

Michael Gray stands before me with a friend by his side. His hands tucked into a nice black suit which happens to be from the shop. I also see he's sporting the maroon tie I has gifted to him.

"Ya know. We really need to stop meeting up like this." I laugh while taking a step back to collect myself. As I tilt my head up its seems that Michael is given me the once over.

"See something you like there." His eyes snap back and his mouth smirks up.

"Well yeah actually."

A throat clearing breaks us up from our cheeky banter. "Ah yes well McKenzie this my my friend Isaiah." I turn to see a good looking boy who's a little taller than Michael with his hand extended. "Oh so this is the reason you didn't want you go to the bar."

Michael's lips turn to a stern line while his elbow wedges between two of Isaiah's ribs.

"Oh so a boys night tonight yeah?" I'm not surprised today was pay day. Many around Small Heath spend it the same way.

"Yeah well actually we'd love you to join actually." My new friends lights his cigarette before pushing Micheal forward with his elbow.

"Well actually I wasn't—"

"I'd love to."

My agreement cuts Michael off. He looks at me surprised.

"Great. You can be my wing woman." And with that Isaiah's arm is thrown around my should leading the way.

—

A smoke cloud emerges when the doors are pushed open. The smell of booze and sex is abrupt in the air. My wrist is quickly tugged on by Michael making sure I match pace with the two lads.

"Told ya, fuckin told ya, this city has gone mad. Girls go out on their own now."

Isaiah's eyes are wide with anticipation as he pulls his box out. Michael accepts his offer while I politely decline. Michael finally release my wrist as he speaks to the bar tender.

I lean against the bar as the new environment comes over my senses. I can practically taste all the smoke making me want to gag a little. Many women give me the side eye as they pass. Some men too. One man even dared winked at me. It all happened so fast I didn't know whether to be offended or flattered.

A whistle fills my ears and I see a slightly older male approaches us at the bar. He's only a bit taller than Isaiah with blonde hair and a red scarf around his neck.

"I don't drink with blacks."

I think that's a new record. Two minutes and someone's already got problem with the people I'm with.

"Here we fucking go." Seems like Isaiah agrees with me.

The bar tenders hollers something at the man about us being okay.

"Not with me they're not I don't drink in pubs with blacks."

"So leave." As much as I agree with Michael I know it's not my place so I keep quiet.

As Isaiah gets in the mans face I see Michael's hand start to clench. I'm smart enough to know why. I quickly bring my hand to cover his own. He seems to not take notice until I feel this thumb graze the back of my hand.

"You know what fuck off!"

"It's alright Sah leave it we'll go to my cousins pub." Micheal's hand reaches out to try and contain his angered friend.

"I like it here."

All I hear is a repulsive word fly out of the mans mouth before he cocks back and strikes Isaiah straight in the nose.

Then bloody fucking mayhem begins.

I'm pushed by the side by what seems to be Michael. My back hits the bar as does Isaiah's right next to mine from the force of the hit. Michael's is struck by a man which send him to the floor. Two men try to go after Isaiah. I decide I can't be helpless in this situation. I kick one of the men's knees from behind making him drop to one leg. Before I can notice the mans hand is cocked in a fist and swinging towards me. The impact on my mouth stuns me as I'm once again forced back towards the bar. My legs aren't as steady this time causing me to hit my head on the side of the counter as I go down.

My hand quickly clutches the side of my head to feel that all to familiar sticky red substance. I remained stunned on the ground while the havoc ensues.

Micheal see's what happens. He eyes dart to me before grabbing the man's collar who put me in this position. The knees the man in the gut before giving him a nasty right hook. The man is out on the floor. His blood spreading on the floor. Blood that Michael caused. The man who started this grab Michael from behind throwing him against the bar.

"The white kids a Peaky Blinders! He's Polly Shelby's son!" The bar mans screams stop the fight in its place. My legs are wobbly as I stand in time to see the now scarred man push Michael away.

"He's Polly Shelby's son, are you fucking suicidal!"

The stupid fucker seems to realize the trouble of his actions as he retreats with apologizes falling from his sleazy mouth.

"Get out."

"Get out the fucking door!"

Michael and Isaiah paint heavily while forcing the men out the door.

Michael clutches his now bloody lip before turning and placing his palms on the bar.

"We ordered some drinks and we are going to drink them."

I have no idea what I feel right now as I glance upon the battered boy. I don't know if I should be angry, upset or dare I say turned on.

"Kenzie, Kenzie, fucking look at me."

The all to familiar blue eyes are now linked with mine. His hand clutching my cheek while his thumb runs over my split lip.

"Fuck I'm so sorry. Are you alright. ?"

I try to formulate a full sentence in my mind but everything is going to fast so on settle on "Yes, I'm fine." He doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to. I know that look he is giving me. He gave it to me a few nights ago.

It's that look that says I know that's not true.

—-

Michael and Isaiah seem to be on some sort of high as we enter the Garrison. Like they're on top of the world.

"Fucking hell its packed in here isn't it."

Michael peers behind to make sure I'm closely following. We haven't spoken since leaving the pub. But he's been repeatedly taking glances to check I'm still here. Almost checking that I'm still in one piece.

The two lads stop to get a round, on the house of course. Michael offers me one but I raise a hand to decline. I can feel that his eyes now hold a bit of worry. I give him a half assed smile to try and relieve him.

"There they are look, junior Peaky boys. And they even bought the future Mrs. Gray."

The boys can't help but laugh while I just shake my head and give Arthur a tight lipped smile. The two sit and I soon join once I've taken off my coat. Michael leans closer to me and decides to put an almost comforting hand on my knee.

"What's happened to ya? Have ya been scrapping?"

Arthur nods to the boys bloodied knuckles and ragged appearances.

"Some idiots at the pub tried to stop me and Isaiah from drinking, but it's alright, we fought them off. Arthur we had to stand our ground and we did."

"Well what the fuck happened to your face Kenzie ?" I look away from Michael's bloodied hand that covers my knee to the man that addressed me.

"Got caught up in the squabble that's all." My tongue peaks out and quickly moisten the area of my cut lip. It stings making me think it's worse than I thought.

"I handled it." Michael's hand tightens as he leans forward to make the statement known to his cousins.

"The Marcuis ehh?" The three Shelby men stand before Arthur and John force Finn back down.

The two men button up their jackets before scoring out of the booth

"Where you going ?"

"We won't be long."

Johns hand comes down with a comforting grasp on my shoulder before he's out the door. The four of us sit in realization on what's about to happen. This is how all the Shelby men solve their problems. Violence and bloodshed. I look to still see the hand of Michael still perched on my knee. His thumb now moving up and down like it did on my hand. But I can't focus on the comforting gesture. I can only focus on the dried up blood left on his skin.


	5. Fight

My chest has never felt so heavy before. I'm not sure how long I've been standing in this very spot. Could be five minutes or five hours. All I've done is stare at the door with white paint flaking off. I rub my clammy hands against my thighs before forcing my legs to move.

"Come on Kenzie, don't be a fucking child." I berate myself before pushing through the door and entering an all to familiar space. I now know this place as much as my home. My feet carry me through the doorways until I reach the base of the staircase.

As I move to climb the stairs familiar faces make themselves present. No words are shared between us. The nurses that pass just give me a tight lipped smile with a short incline of the head before continuing on with their duties. They know that I know the way. The stairway continues to creak as my feet touch the final step. I always wonder if the steps are just old or if they're so worn out from all the trauma they've faced.

There's only three rooms in this wing, reserved for the more "permanent" residents. I've never met the occupants of the two other room. They've been changed over quite a few times as sad as it is to say. The longest residing hospital resident being the persons room I now enter.

The woman lying in the bed is asleep. Short curly brown hair framing her resting face. Her pale skin is not much of a contrast from the white bed sheets she lies upon. I grasp the hand closest to me and catch a chill. Using my free hand I pull up the blanket to rest up to her shoulders hoping she gains some warmth.

The silence of the room creates a feeling of grief within me. All I want is to hear the voice of the woman who made me into the woman I am today. My mother put her everything into my happiness and well being. Anything and everything she did was to better my life. I've never known a woman quite like her.

 _"_ _McKenzie get your bum down here before your diner gets cold!"_

 _My small legs race down the stairs jumping over the last two steps making a grand thumping noise when my feet make contact with the floor._

 _"_ _McKenzie Grace, how many times have I told you not to go jumping down the stairs." My pigtails ship around to see my mother with both hands on her hips and an eyebrow up to the ceiling._

 _"_ _Sorry mummy but it's not like I'll put a hole in the floor." I shuffle over to the table and scrape the chair along the floor as I pull it out before situating myself._

 _"_ _Hun you know I don't care about the floor. I worry about you hurting yourself."_

 _I look up at the woman as her hand strokes the top of my head. Her eyes hold nothing but honesty and kindness._

 _"_ _But mummy I'm tough look!" I pull up my dress sleeve to reveal a ravishing purple and blue mark on my elbow. "Bloody hell Kenzie, how'd you manage to do that?"_

 _She's now bent down to my height examining the bruise. "Well John told me that I couldn't climb the big tree by the stables so I said yes I could and he said no I couldn't and I said yes I could. Soooo I climbed the tree to prove him wrong!"_

 _"_ _Well did you fall then?" My mothers voice leaked a bit of disbelief. "Of course not mum!"_

 _"_ _Well then how'd you manage to get this than?" She points to my bruised arm._

 _"_ _Well, I was able to climb up the tree but..."_

 _"_ _But what?" Again hands on hips eyebrow sky high._

 _"_ _I wasn't quite able to get down successfully. A branch snapped so I fell. But that's okay because I proved John wrong!"_

 _My proud smile was diminished as I met my mothers eyes. She wasn't angry. I've only seen her angry a hand full of times the look on her face conveyed more of worry. "Now you listen to me Kenzie." She pulled a chair next to me and sat whilst grabbing my hands._

 _"_ _You like those Shelby boys don't you?"_

 _"_ _Why yes Mummy I do! They play the best games and they let me play with them and don't treat me no different just because I'm a girl!" Her kind eyes dropped before meeting mine once again. Her smile wasn't one of happiness nor sadness. "Well I'm happy about that Kenz but I need you to listen to me."_

 _I turn my little legs out to sit on the side of the chair so I could have all my concentration on my mum. "The Shelby family has always been very kind to us. But I need you to be careful with the boys alright."_

 _"_ _But why?" I didn't understand . The Shelby boys and Ada have always been very nice to me. Polly even gave me Ada's dresses when she didn't fit in them no more._

 _"That family is like a drug. They make you feel good at first but in the end they'll be the death of ya." I wasn't able to comprehend what she just told me. "But mummy I don't under—"_

 _"_ _Enough of that. Now eat your soup before it gets cold." With that she paced back into the kitchen to chop up some more vegetables. As I drove my spoon around the bowl of soup to distracted to eat any I wondered what things my mum knew about the Shelby's that she wasn't telling me._

"Kenzie? McKenzie?"

I'm knocked out of my thoughts when a light hands comes in contact with my shoulder. My head turns to meet the gaze of one of my mums nurses. Penny was a very nice girl. A few years older than myself. She is one of my mums main nurses and has been taking care of her since she's been brought in.

"Oh Penny hello, I'm sorry I didn't see you there." The girl gives me a smile before striding around the other side of my mums bed starting to check her vitals.

"Has she's made any noticeable improvements since last week?" The hope in my voice is surely noticeable. She refuses to make eye contact with me until she is done with her check up. "Nothing new has seem to come to living. I'm sorry Kenzie."

The pressure behind my eyes builds at her answer. "That's quite alright Penny. Thank you for always taking great care of her." The nurse bows her head before taking leave. As much as I'd love to give company to my mother more I know if she were awake she'd want me to get on with my day, so that is what I will do.

"I love you mum." I bend over and give her a light kiss to the forehead. I take in her presence one last time before fleeing from the room and the hospital.

—

"What a fucking day hm." Finally finished with the last garment of the day I stand from the chair that I've been sat in for what feels like days. I back pops as I stretch my arms over my head. I grab the hanger sat on the table next to me and guide the blouse on to the wire. I place it on the now full rack at the back of the shop.

It's been a busy day and as tired as I am that's a good thing. Business had been flourishing and whether that be from word of mouth or the endorsement from the local gangsters doesn't bother me a bit.

I grab my bag and the keys from behind the counter while making sure all the lights were out. I give the front door a heave behind me making sure it is fully shut before guiding the keys into the lock.

It's later than usual that I'm closing but that's because I wanted to get everything finished today potentially freeing up some time for myself. Not that I have anything planned but a girl needs time to breathe. I walk down the dirt road passing the vendors and food shops lining the street. I catch a familiar head of red curls examining a sack of potato's.

"I didn't take you for a spud head." The woman spins around with a wide mouth only to be closed when she realizes it's only me.

"Well Miss Kenzie as you know I have a growing boy to feed now." I smile at Polly's eagerness to please her son. She's been much brighter ever since Michael had entered her life. "Yes I do. He must be working up an appetite after calculating numbers all day." Polly's smile falters but only a little. I can tell she still wasn't set on the idea of Michael working with the boys but she knew how much it meant to him.

"You're one to talk missy. I walked passed the shopping today and saw you stitching up a storm. I take it business is well." I nod with a smile as I help Pol place the potatoes in her shopping bag. "Thankfully yes, most likely do to the backing of a certain family." My elbow nudges her gently.

"I have no idea what you're talking about my dear! Yours and your mothers artistry speaks for itself." I laugh at Polly's objection knowing she'd never admit to helping bring in customers.

"Well even if that is the case I'd like to thank you for always being a loyal customer." Polly turns to me before gently grasping my upper arm and giving it a squeeze. We both turn and walk the rest of the path fleeting with mothers looking for dinner options and young kids running amuck.

"Do you have any dinner plans tonight?" I glance at Pol after her question. I believe she already knows the answer to that but I indulge her with an answer.

"Well yes of course. I have some old porage at home that's just calling out to me." I outreach my arm to go with my dramatics. Polly let's up a mix between a scoff and a laugh. "Nonsense you'll join Michael and I tonight for supper." Her invitation doesn't come as a shock.

"Polly you're family has already done so much for me. I can't keep groping off of you!" She stops in her tracks and shoots me a glare.

"Now listen her girl. You are part of this family, head me? And we never leave family out to dry, understand?"

I nod quickly not wanting to egg her on any further. "I understand Pol."

"Wonderful"

She links her arm through mine before pacing forward. "Now we must get home now so I have time to set these potato's."

—

"Dear lord for what we're about to receive. May the lord make us truly grateful. Amen."

I lift me head from my clasped hands as Polly finishes grace. Michael's gaze is also sat upon Polly as well. She raises her head and looks straight at Michael.

"Amen." This time with a more authoritative tone.

"Amen." Michael says it reluctantly but inclines. Polly gazes wavers to myself with the same raised brow my mother would have.

"Amen." I whisper to please the woman. She nods her head happily before gesturing to Michael's plate. She fills his before doing the same with my own.

"I'd like to thank you again Polly for allowing me to interrupt your dinner."

"Kenzie you are never an interruption, you know that." Polly speaks as she fills her own plate. "Plus Michael's been wanting to see you." This causes Michael to seemingly almost choke on whatever is in his mouth. I giggle as he grabs a napkin to cover his coughs. Polly only smiles before sipping on her wine.

"Well how has everything been going on at work Michael? You liking it?" I decide to break the awkwardness by asking the boy a question I knew he'd be happy to answer

"Yeah everything's great. Been really enjoying it." I smile at him. He seems genuinely happy to be apart of the family business.

"Well that's great." I comfortable silence sweeps over us. The only noise being the clanking of our utensils against our plates. It's been a while since I've had a meal such as this. Polly sure knows what to do in the kitchen.

"Actually Kenzie I've been meaning to ask you a favor." I look to Michael as i continue chewing the delightful meat I've consumed. I quickly swallow before looking at him with a gaze that tells him to continue. "I need a few new work suits and I know the fine work that you do so I wanted to commission you." I blush at Michaels words.

"No not like— you know like for the suits." I laugh to ease the now flushed boy.

"I know exactly what you're asking Michael and I'm honored you would ask me to do such a job. I would just need you to down to the shop so I can take your measurements."

"Yeah sounds perfect just give me a time and date and I'll be there."

I nod with a smile to confirm before cutting up more of my food. As I shove more meat into my mouth I see Polly glance back and fourth between myself and her son,

"What?" I can't help but question the older woman.

"Oh nothing my dear, nothing at all." I give her a weird look before deciding to let it go.

Yes I know Michael and myself have shared a few moments that could make people question our relationship level but I barley know the boy I sit across from. Yes he is very handsome and yes he is smart and yes I love his family and yes we've held hands but that doesn't mean anything. Right?

As these thoughts are flying threw my head I feel a foot come in contact with my ankle. It doesn't hurt but it was intentional. I pear over at Michael to see he hasn't made any insinuation to the touch so I let it go.

Until it happens again. I now stare at the boy wondering his intentions. He tries to hold a steady face but fails this time. Letting a smirk slip form the corner of his mouth.

If he wants to play this game than I'll happily play back.

I should've known nothing as peaceful as this could last. Not in Small Heath. Not when you're dining with part of the Peaky Blinders.

Before I could even return Michaels action the sound of wood splitting and heavy boots enters the once peaceful atmosphere.

"Stay where you are!"

"Don't move!"

"Stay where you fucking are!"

Men in black suits are now everywhere. And guns pointed towards our once nice meal. This have been the second time ever a gun was pointed at me. Both times Michael being present.

As all this is happening Michael's eyes meet mine. I'm sure mine are filled with panic and questions while his remained eerily calm. I reach for his hand but before I can make contact two guards have him in their grasp. They force his arms behind his back and drag him out of his chair.

My chair is thrown back behind me as I stand up with force. I reach out once again in a sad attempt to touch the boy now being dragged away but am met with resistance when a body blocks my way. I don't bother looking up before my arms start wailing at the body stoping me in my tracks. Hands are put on my upper arms to stop my limbs from flailing. My fist comes in contact with the mans nose causing him to stifle over.

This is my chance.

I run out of the room onto the front lawn not far behind Polly who's being dragged back by a guard. I run past her at the same time her knee meets the guards groin.

"Don't you fucking touch him!"

She's detained once again by a guard waiting in front of the car Michael is now

trapped in. Still being free I wrap my hand around to door handle before quickly flinging it open. I hear a groin as I realize I must of hit someone with the door but right now none of that matters.

"Michael." All that comes out is a whisper as I'm face to face with the boy. It feels like minutes go by as we look at each other but I know it's only seconds. His hand grasp my cheek as our foreheads meet. The emotions overtaking me are new and quite scary. I close my eyes as Michael's voice is all I hear. Even over all the screaming and rustling.

"Kenzie, look at me." My eyes are forced open at his request. Looking into his eyes now I see the scared boy that he truly is.

My hands falls over his as it grasp my cheek. "You must take care of my mom alright."

"But Michael I —"

"You can and you must okay. You're strong." I nod as I feel arms thrown around my center. Before I'm fully dragged from the vehicle Michael's lips make contact with my forehead. They're detracted only when I'm thrown from the car to the wet grass.

The arms belong to an older man decorated by a gray suit and overcoat.

"Don't say anything!"

By now Polly has made her way to the car window. Still with arms restraining her movement.

"Tommy will get you out!"

The same man who threw me now how Polly pressed against the window of the car. I can't hear the words he says but Polly looks to be frozen.

"Get the fuck off her." I spring myself from the ground before throwing my arms at the vile man who seems to be in charge of this all. Before I can even make contact something solid comes in contact with the right side of my forehead. I once again am lying amongst the grass.

"Kenzie!"

I hear two different voices scream my name. It all sounds like it's from a distance. My vision has a slight blur to it. I don't remember hitting the ground but I feel the wet grass cling to my skin. I hear more yelling and grunting before a door is slammed shut and an engine roars to life.

I hear one more scream before the once silent night returns. I push up from the ground trying to sit up. My head is pounding. I put my head in my hands to try and get rid of the explosive feeling.

"Kenzie." I couldn't tell if someone was shouting of whispering my name. Hands soon come in contact with my arms prying them from my head. I blink as stars appear in my vision. As it starts to clear the familiar red curls take over my sight.

"Pol?"

"Shh I'm here dear. Looks like he got you good." Her fingers come in contact with the side of my forehead and a stinging sensation occurs.

"Ah, shit!" I bring my own fingers up to replace hers. I bring my fingers down to see them coated with my blood.

"Come on let's get you inside." She helps me up and wraps her arm around my waste to steady me. She ushers me forward towards the house.

"Pol."

"It's alright dear we need to get you—"

"Pol!"

She stops our walking to look down at me. "What are we gonna do?"

She looks up for a moment and takes a deep breath before looking back to me.

"We'll do what the Shelby's do best."

"Rig horse races?"

She lets out a forced laugh. "No darling, we fight."

"Isn't that what got us in this mess in the first place."

Polly doesn't say anything. But thats all the answer I need to know that she agrees.


	6. Broken

My eyes fluttered open as I wake up in the unfamiliar room. Memories from last night slowly trickle back into my mind. Dinner with the Grays, then the invasion, Michael being taken away and being hit with that god damn detective cane.

I feel for the cut only to remember Polly covered it with a small gauze. Speaking of the woman I should probably go seek her out. I promised Michael I would keep her sane. I swing my legs out from the bed with a groan. Parts of me aching that I never knew could ache before. Guess that's what happens when you flail your limbs around like a rag doll.

I take the robe that was placed on the chair next to the bed and wrap it around myself. My guess is that the maid had brought some of Ada's things in here for me. I walk out to the hallway to hear no sounds coming from the house. Either there still asleep or not home. I pace down the hallway before coming to an open bedroom door.

The walls are a dark green and all the furniture is a dark brown mahogany. The bed is made and the carpet clean. My thought assume that it's another one of the guest rooms before something reflected the light from the window catches my eye.

As I enter the room a musky scent flows through my nose. The familiar scent along with the pocket watch laid on the dresser tells me who's room I'm in. My hand grazes the top of the dresser past the watch that sits there.

"Did you get lost?"

A voice startles me. I turn to meet the gaze of the petite brunette.

"Ada!"

I throw my arms around the girl who was like my older sister. It's been too long since I've seen her.

"Well hello to you too Kenzie."

I laugh as I unlatch myself from her. I take in her appearance. Her porcelain like skin and dark short bob. She looks great.

"It's been too long Ada."

The girl smiles back. "Indeed it has. I can't call you little Kenzie anymore can I?"

I laugh at the nickname. Ada and I were always close growing up. He always wanting a sister to play with and me wanting anyone to play with. She taught me how to braid my hair and put on stockings. And as I grew older she showed me how to properly defend myself Incase a man ever got to close for my liking.

"Where's the baby?" I've met Carl only once and that was during his fathers funeral. That was a very tough day for all of us. Even if Tommy didn't want to admit it m.

"He's napping. I'll let you play with him later. He's missed his Aunt Kenzie."

I smile again at her before turning and glancing around the room we're still standing in.

"Now what you doing in here?" Ada has a knowing look on her face. The Shelby woman have always been able to read me like open fucking book.

"I just stumbled in here that's all."

"You know Kenzie you've always been a shit liar." My cheeks redden at her words. It's true though. I've never been able to lie to anyone.

"Alright, alright" I let out a sigh. "I'm worried for him." I grasp the pocket watch of the wood and carefully run my thumb over it. Taking me back to the night of his birthday. All laughs and cheers. Now I stand in his room without him while he's locked in some cell being treated like an animal by my guesses.

"We're all worried for him. But he's a strong lad alright." Ada places a comforting arm around my shoulders. "We've got to be strong for Pol, right?"

I nod in agreement with the girl. That's what Michael asked and that's what I shall do.

"Come on now, I'll make us some tea and we can have a proper catch up. And you can tell me what's been going on between the two of yous."

I open my mouth the protest her last statement but she raises her hand to silence me.

"Don't even try it."

It's like I said. Open fucking book.

—/—-/—

After my ventures with Ada this morning, I did nothing but lie around Polly's house for a good rest of the day. I'm not one for not being occupied but being able to hear my own thoughts for once was truly lovely.

Lying in a comfortable bed with ivory white sheets wrapped around you is quite calming. As I run my knuckles against the soft surface there's a slight tap against the door. I look over to see Ada perched against the open door frame.

"I'm just going down to check on Pol, care to join?"

I simply nod before untangling myself from the soft goods. Since I'm only in my sleep wear I throw the robe sat on the chair next to the bed over myself. We both say nothing as we descend the staircase. Nothing needs to be said. The silence of the house is endearing.

We enter the living room to find Polly pretzeled up in the tub. She continues dumping water over her back, either not noticing our presence or deciding to ignore it.

"Where have you been?"

Ada waste no time throwing the rock through the window. She paces around the couch before making herself comfortable.

"I went to the Spotted Dog in Digbeth for a glass or two of rum." I've never heard Pols voice so horse. I pray she isn't coming down with anything. I wouldn't be surprised due to all the stress she's under. Especially after last nights events.

"Was it one glass or two?"

"It was three."

Polly looks around in a daze before questioning Ada. "Where's the baby?"

Ada looks a bit chuffed. "Sleeping."

"More like five." I add my two sense finally fully entering the room. Ada head nocks back to peer over before nodding in agreement. Pols gaze turns on me as she shifts her elbow to the rim of the tub.

"It was more like six." She lets out a forced laugh before shuffling around to find a cigarette.

"Did you girls meet the maid."

I bumped into the nice woman once though out my day. She prepared my bed before asking if I needed anything else. She bowed out respectfully when I answered no.

"I talked politics with her and she got bored and went to bed." I couldn't stop the quiet laugh from coming up. Neither could Polly. She just rolled her eyes.

"I phoned James. He talked to the Lawyer. Said he'd take Arthur's case for free, so we don't need Tommy."

Poor bloody Arthur. I'm not really sure of the details but he's been thrown in the pig pen for apparently murdering another bloke. Now I know the man has a temper but he would never murder a man.

Well at least not without covering it up.

It must have something to do with that Solomon's figure I've been hearing whispers about. He and Arthur were having a meal together when all of this went down.

Polly scoffed before taking another long drag of her cigarette. "We'll get Michael free as well, I promise."

The pretty brunette knocks me back into the reality of what happened last night. Michael was taken. He was taken from Polly.

He was taken from me.

I don't think my hands have grasp anything as hard as they did to Michael's coat after they threw him in the back of that car. I know he was being strong by not showing his feelings, but I've learned with the time we've spent together how he expresses his emotions in moments like this.

His hands become frantic. They most be moving. Whether he's hitting something or grasping onto it. He won't cry but the small wrinkles next to his eyes show his despair. Then those blue eyes turn into something else. They're no longer the shinning sky on a warm day. They're the ocean during a hurricane.

"There's no need, they'll let him out in the morning."

I look up from my hands that were clenched against my robe. Polly's face remains stoic but there's something deeper. By the look of it Ada realizes as well. The only noise now is the sounds of water drips splashing about. I know Ada has the same question on the top of her tongue that I myself have. But it seems we're both to scared to ask it.

"If the baby wants anything at night, ring the bell by the bed. She gets paid to work 24 hours, that girl, she's getting lazy.

Well... They take advantage if you're nice."

Tears gather behind my eyes as now I know that Polly is no longer talking about the maid.

I take a moment before realizing she needs time for herself. I kick out my legs from under me and push myself off the seat. Ada does the same and goes by the doorway. I can't pass Polly without stopping. Ada glances as does Pol.

Without saying anything I bend down and place a kiss on the crown on the woman's head. Knowing nothing I can say would fix this.

—/—/-

Polly's heels against the concrete are all I've heard for the last 20 minutes.

We're outside of the prison waiting for Micheal's release. No words being exchanged between the older woman and myself. She seems to lost in her thoughts to remember that I'm there. Her pacing never relents.

The sounds of locks turning gains my attention. Still the noise continues until the door is opened. I stay back as Polly approaches.

Out comes the boy I knew. Our at least once knew. Things are different now.

He is different now.

He places a cigarette between his teeth before even taking a second step out the door. His clothes caked in grime and blood. His right eye is surrounded by a cut and swollen skin. A gash between his furrowed brows.

Polly fiddles with her collar as she takes in the boy standing in front of her. Her boy. I have no way of understanding how she feels. To see your child in such a state.

A drag of nicotine consumes the silence. Soon after the sound of footsteps. The boy and his mother now face to face. The mother with tears lining her eyes.

"You need cream on them cuts or they'll get bad."

The boy says nothing as the smoke still emerges from his mouth. I watch as his eyes finally meet the ones in front of him.

"The screws told me why I've been freed."

My breath catches in my throat.

 _No._

I've been trying not to think about the actions taken by Polly. The actions taken by a mother who would do anything to protect her son.

"They told me what you did."

Michael's voice has never been so dead. Void of emotion. His lock gaze stuck on his mother. Polly looks away her own words seemingly caught. "They thought it was funny."

I close my eyes as chills overtake my body. As my eyes open once more the salty liquid now comes to surface against my cold cheeks.

"Maybe it is."

My blood runs cold. Now the same as the rest of my body.

Polly's eye turn to stone at the statement. Her child no longer looking her in the eye. I can't help but look down at the grey stone.

My hearts yearns for both Polly and Michael. No one deserves to ever have to go through what Polly did. And no child should ever have to be taunted with stories of there mothers ways.

The black shoes that come into frame cause me to slowly life my head. There's no shining sky or monstrous ocean waves. Just pools of gray looking back at me.

I can't stop myself from bringing my now shaking hand up to his face. Whether the shaking is due to the chills or the somber we will never know. My thumb grazes against his bottom lip. A small gash towards the corner. The corner that I oh so loved to see raised up in a smile.

But that smiles seems miles from here at this moment. The cigarette still remains pitched between the chapped lips. I open my mouth only to close it once again.

There's nothing to be said here. Nothing that I can say. So I bring down my limb back to my side. My tongue peers out my wet my lips since they've gone dry. I taste the now dry salt against my top lip. Knowing what I what to say can't be said I drop my eyes.

The breeze pulls through once more. Pulling some stray hair to the side. I'm caught off guard when a thumb comes in contact with my cheek. Quickly striking through the tear track. A small sob is released due to the actions before containing myself once more.

Nothing is said but my eyes jump to my right hand where a new warmest resides. Hazel meets gray and a conversation occurs yet no words are spoken.

A tug against my hand tells me to command my legs to move as we now walk away from prison. No doubt in my mind leaving a broken woman behind.

I can not seem to find the courage to glance behind to see the figure we leave. I only grip harder onto the hand in my grasp. As we walk away the sound of church bells ringing help me come to the reason why I can't will myself to look back.

 _I can only fix one broken thing at a time._


	7. Two Gangsters

The days have past. The external cuts have healed but the same cannot be said for the internal.

Arthur was released from prison the day after Michael. Himself being covered in bruises and cuts. Tommy's been running round like a mad man. Polly is heart broken. Ada went back to London. For once it seem that the only sane one at the time was John.

After leaving the prison with Michael we walked. No place to go or time to be there. We walked around for what seemed like hours. No words being spoken. Just the sound of pebbles under our feet and Michael's lungs breathing out smoke. As we walked our hands remained entangled. Our fingers weaved like a basket. I never thought to break the hold unless prompted to. I can tell this is what he needed.

Time and silence.

It was easy to tell his mind was going a million miles per hour while our feet did the opposite. I would glance over from time to time. The profile of his face almost becoming my new favorite view. I would turn away when I found myself getting lost in the damages that ensued. My eyes tracing over the bloody lines and caked on grime.

When my feet begin to ache I make the quiet suggestion of stopping off at the Garrison. I get a curt nod as a response before we redirect ourselves down Main Street.

The doors are pushed open to reveal the quiet pub. Since it's well into the afternoon the morning crowd has left for work only leaving the one or two lads who normally are normally past out on the tables. I go sit at one of the tables but am jostled back by the boy to my left.

"We'll go in the private room."

You would normally protest saying how that's the room for the Shelby family's private affairs but you can't seem to object to the boy at the moment.

Michael opens the door for me gesturing to go first. In doing so the contact you two have been sharing for so long is lost. I wait for Micheal to come in and make himself comfortable before opening the window that connects the nook to the bar.

"Hey Harry?"

The bartender quickly saunter over as if was Tommy standing in my place.

"Hey there Kenzie. Something you need?"

Well that's a loaded bloody question.

"Yes could I have a pint of mild as well as a small amount of vodka, water and a rag." After listing of the items I turn my back to rest against the wall, my view turning to Michael once more.

He seems to be sat in his own world. Eyes focused on the top of the table in front of him. Hand drawing back from his lips to release smoke. Must of been his fifth or sixth cigarette in the last hour. I can't find myself to judge or care.

"Here you are. Kenz. Anything else?"

Turning back I find a tray with all my requested items. "Quite alright. Thanks Harry." I went to place my payment on the counter but a protest was quickly heard.

"No, no, no, it's on the house."

Well I guess that's what happens when you walk into the pub with one of the owners relatives. I have the man a tight lipped smile before balancing the tray on my hand using the other the close the window doors. Spinning around I place the tray on the table which gains Micheal's attention. I take the beer pint off the tray and place it in front of him before walking around the table to situate myself

next to the boy.

Our thighs brush as I adjust myself against the padded seat I had only found myself on once before.

"Hi."

The greeting is quiet. Almost a whisper. If I wasn't as close I might have missed it. The first word to come out of his mouth since he had spoken to his mother. He himself had shifted to have his arm around the part of the back of the seat that I sat upon. It was a warm greeting. No undertones of sadness of malice.

"Hi yourself."

I let out what I thought to be a witty reply. He seemed to think so to as he let out a light laugh. I reached forward to grab the rag before dipping it in the small glass of water. Michael's eyes followed my actions.

"Is it alright if I clean you up a bit?"

My words were whispered as I didn't want to disrupt the peacefulness we established. His face was only a few inches from mine. He nodded before turning his head to release the smoke he inhaled away from me. With his head turned my hands quickly reached up with the cloth and light dabbed over the left side of his face. I knew doing this would not clean him completely but it would help. I needed it to help.

I needed to help him.

This went on for some time. I would ring out the rag before re wetting it. Michael would alternate between his cigarette and sipping his brew. When the water in the cup has turned a murky brown color I knew I did all I could as of now. My hand remained lightly over his split lip. Trying not to hurt him even further.

"There. It's like your a new man."

After saying those words a realized how true they were. After what happened he's a new man. "It would seem like I am."

I froze at his reply. He knows it. I know it. The boy I showed around Small Heath for the first time a few weeks ago has been replaced by the man sitting in front of me.

As I brought my hand down, finally done with cleaning him up, his hand quickly shit out and grasped my wrist. It remained there between the two of us. Just under our chins. It wasn't a harsh or tight grip, just there to hold me in place.

"Why did you come?"

"What?"

"Why did you come this morning. To see me as I got out?"

His eyes were searching for answers . Looking all over my face to find them.

"We'll I needed to be there for Pol—"

"No cut the shit. You weren't there for her. If you were, you wouldn't have left with me."

It was true. I wanted myself to believe I was there to support the woman who was always there to support me in my time of need but that wasn't true. I needed to see with my own eyes what was done to Michael. I needed to know if he was okay.

"I - I just needed to see you."

"Why?"

"Why does it matter?"

He wasn't letting this go. And he wasn't letting me off the hook that way either.

"Because I need to know."

"You need to know what?!"

My voice was begging to grow louder. The serenity that we were once surrounded by had been broken. The distance between us seemed to grow smaller. I could smell the mix of smoke and mild ale on his breath. The grip he had on my wrist began to tighten as I tried to untangle myself from him.

"Because I need to know if you feel the same way. Alright."

Everything stops. My arm stills, no longer trying to get out of his grip. I could even say my heart stoped for a moment. Maybe even my breathing.

The same way.

What way was that exactly. The way you feel when you see him enter the same room as you. The way you feel when you just do happen to brush up against him. Or even the way you felt not even five minutes ago when you had to clean him. Rid him from the damages that were afflicted upon him. The way you feel when your hands are interlocked. Like nothing can hurt you.

I realize this is the first time I allow myself to feel these things. They're coming to the surface after being buried deep down. I'm not sure why but you know they have been.

"McKenzie."

His free hand comes to caress my left cheek. I close my eyes as I lean closer to the warmth.

"I know you feel it too. Please just tell me you do."

I open my eyes to find his looking right back. Staring full of what looks like hope.

I don't respond. Not verbally at least. My forehead leans forward to connect with his own. His grip loosening on my wrist so that are palms meet.

"I'm scared."

There's the truth.

The truth I've been hiding from even myself. As these feelings began to blossom I duh them so deep that they had been lost. I've never felt this way before. And that scared me.

"So you feel it to then?"

I can only nod as a small tear falls from my eye. I'm so overwhelmed with the new emotions taking over.

It's not love.

Not yet at least. There's so many things that need to be discovered before it can be love. But what it is, is a deep admiration. A joyous feeling.

"Yes."

That's all he needs to hear.

His hands quickly move to the back of my neck and My head is thrusted forward. We're now connected by the warmth of each others lips. Before I know what I'm doing my hands place themselves on the tops of his shoulders. We're separated before I can truly even realize what was happening. Heavy breathing coming from him and me.

My forehead still leaning against his own. A smile dawns his feature now creating a small one to over me too.

"I've been wanting to do that for a while."

You lean back, separating yourself to fully see the figure in front of you.

"Then why didn't you?"

It's a bold statement. Causing you both to laugh. He doesn't respond. Just keep his sights on you for a few moments more.

"Let's get you home, yeah?"

So that all leads us on to where we are today.

Currently I'm sitting in "Michael's office" which is really Tommy's but Michael has s desk there. He's on the phone with someone who has called seemingly looking for the middle Shelby.

"No I'm afraid Mr. Shelby is in London, he can't be reached.— he won't be back today, he's at the races."

I watched the interaction from where I sat perched on the corner of Michael's desk.

Since the events that transpired those days ago, him and I have been nearly inseparable. Whether he's with me in the shop or I'm with him in the office we always find ourselves drifting towards one another.

Polly enters the room with a basket in her hands. Most likely items to help Michael. I give the woman a smile and she quickly returns it with an almost knowing look.

I made it a duty to seek out the woman the next day following the events at the prison. I wanted her to know I never meant her harm and she was someone I truly respect and care for.

"Oh silly girl. Of course I know that. You think I'd be mad because you weren't there to dry my eyes. You were there for him and that's so much more than I could have ever asked for."

We ended the discussion with a hug and a promise to sit down with each other for tea soon.

The woman made her way over to her son and adjusted his collar as he finished the call. "I'm going to the station—."

Before Pol could finished the stubborn boy made his way over to his own desk. As he past I made sure to dig my shoe into his leg with a look that said 'really?'.

He ignored it before taken off his coat and putting on the back of his chair. Before he sat down he placed his hand on my knee slightly rubbing his thumb.

Damn him.

He knows I can't be annoyed with him for long. Nothing was official between us. We weren't courting or dating or boyfriend and girlfriend.

We were just us. And I was more than happy with that. We hadn't exercised much proof of this though. Only subtle touches here or there. Normally it being him who orchestrated them. No kisses have been exchanged since the first. The pace that things were going were nice and sweet.

That being said Polly seems like she's ready to start organizing the wedding. We've said nothing to her of our circumstance but she has the mothering instinct. She also has caught a bit of our endearing actions.

Michael ignores her as she starts unloading her goods. He focuses on the book of numbers in front of him. I remain concentrated on the skirt in my lap that I've been hemming. It's none of my business what goes on between a son and mother.

"What's that?"

I peer up to see Michael sat back in his chair gesturing to an object Polly has just placed upon the desk. I look over to see three very large rolled up stacks of paper. I think we both know what it is but are in too much shock to believe it.

"That money's yours."

She grabs a roll and uses it to point at Michael.

"You take the money, you get s train, you start a new life in London. I don't want to see you here when I get back."

My breath gets caught in my throat. The skirt as well as my needle and thread drop off my lap to the floor before I can notice.

I watch as Michael just sits there staring at the cash placed in front of him while he dabs of the end of his cigarette

"If I get back."

Polly throws her rag back into the basket.

"Everything's and If in the Birmingham life. You can write some days and visit on Holy days. But I want you to wash this city out your hair and clothes. It's what I should've done at the start. Now I've got business to attend to."

She fidgets with the book firmly grasp in her hand. She moves around the desk to stand behind Michael and places her hand atop his shoulder.

"I do love you Michael."

He waits a moment before responding.

"I love you too. You'll miss your train."

As the woman I've known to be a second mom goes to leave I can't find myself to look at her. There's an anger that swells in me. I know it shouldn't but it does. She a mother that wants the best for her child and while I understand that, in this moment I hate he for it.

She comes and stands before me but I refuse to lift my head. Still staring at the bundle of cloth that now lies on the wood floor.

A hand is placed over my own that are placed in the lap. I then realize how they are no longer still but have a slight shake. My eyes remain locked. Her hand simply gives my a tight squeeze then is gone. Her heels echo throughout the hall.

The silence feels like the loudest thing I've ever heard.

"Are you going to go?"

My heart breaks as I ask the question but it needs to be done.

I finally lift my head to look at him. My questions hangs in the air without an answer for some time. It's unnerving honestly. Feels like my heart has dropped into my stomach.

"Do you think I should?"

I have to think over his question. One side of me wants to scream at him, hit him for even asking that question. But the other knows Polly is right. If I truly care about the man who sits in front of me I have to want what's best for him.

"I want what's best for you."

Michael shifts in his seat seeming annoyed at my respond.

"But-"

He stops moving to look at me properly.

"I also want to be selfish and have you do what's best for me. And that would be for you to stay right here and for me to stay right here and for us to stay. Together."

I comes out like vomit before I could suppress it. My own selfish wants and needs. How pathetic. Not everything developed around you,McKenzie. This is his life we're talking about.

"Come 'ere."

His hands reaches out and grabs my leg pulling me off his desk. He hands joins my and before I can ask he pulls me down onto his lap.

I'll admit I'm a bit awkward at first but he hand reaches behind my back before situating it's self on my hip. He shifts back so he flush against the back of his chair. My head resting just between his neck and shoulder, legs across his lap.

I let out a comfortable sigh. We've never done this before but it feels like home.

My eyes glance down as my hand plays with his own. Poking and playing with each others fingers.

"I had made up my mind before she even left the room." His words are whispered gently in my ear as we both rest peacefully.

"Do we have to say goodbye?"

His first response was to place his lips against my head. His actions cause my nerves to erupt.

This is it. He's leaving. He's going to go off to London and start his life. Leaving his mother behind, his uncles behind, Small Heath behind and me behind.

"Not when we've only just said hello."

A small sob breaks through.

I bury my head deeper in his neck to try and hide my emotions. The tears would've flown either way. But thank god it's this way.

"Shh love. Relax. Take a rest, yeah? I'll be here when you wake."

Those are the only words I needed to here before I allow myself to pass out from the emotional exhaustion.

-/;/—-/::/-/

Whack

The noise wakes Michael and I abruptly. My hands quickly raise to my eyes and try to run the sleep out of them.

"Polly and I had a bet."

The source of the noise is Tommy who is sauntering back into his office. I sit up to allow Michael to stretch while I do the same before standing. Michael follows in suit letting out a sleepy groan as he gets to his feet.

The noise created makes me release a small laugh. He rubs his face before giving me a sleepy smile. We both move to follow Tommy who is in his office room.

"One of us bet you'd take the money and go. And one of us bet you'd still be here.

You stand by the offices entryway as Michael steps further in. You watch as the boy you know stands with his hands in his pockets listening to his uncle.

"She wants me to stay."

I agree with the statement. If Polly truly wanted Michael gone, he would be gone.

"Now which she are you refereeing to?"

I drop my head as a blush creeps up my neck. It's no secret now, especially considering how Tommy just walked in on the two is us.

I look up to find Michael's as well as Tommy's gaze on me as I'm still perched in the doorway.

"Mm. You know something Michael? What Polly wants will always be a mystery to me."

The two men gather around the desk as Tommy puts down the glasses and bottle he's just collected from his cabinet.

"Get in here Kenz."

I automatically listen to gangsters words. Gently falling in behind. I come up next to Michael who's standing cross from Tommy, who pouring drinks for us all. I decide to sit in the chair in front of the desk watching the two's exchange.

The man to my right places both of his fist on his uncles desk before leaning over slightly.

"I've decided.

I want to make real money.

With you."

Both men grasp their glasses before raising them high. A silent cheer said between them before they down the amber liquid.

I don't move. I can't move. I feel like I'm frozen to this very chair. My breathing has nulled.

Both men sit after. Tommy leans back in his big leather chair before releasing a grand sigh. A sigh that tells me a weights been lifted from him.

My hand that's been gripping the wood beneath me has been gently peeled away replaced with the warmth I know.

"I've got some ideas, Michael.

For the future of the company.

And also I'm planning on getting married."

I lean forward grabbing the drink set in front of me before tossing it back. The burning of the liquid coursing through me.

I let out a deep but silent breath looking at who I sit with now.

Not one but two gangsters.

I glance to my right to find him looking right back at me. As if he knows.

He's never looked so at peace before. Almost like this is what he was made to do. My hand is given a gentle squeeze before he himself leans back looking satisfied.

It's in this moment I come to realize there's no going back.

My life will never be the same.


	8. Lightning Strikes

TWO YEARS LATER

Laughter in a church. I don't know why but that's always evoked strong emotions within me. I'm not a religious person but many are and to hear the joyous noise from people as the squish themselves into the pews makes me smile. Especially when it comes to the little boy who's sat besides me.

Karl is being tossed around and about. Over the pews and into the air. I'm happy to see the smile on Ada's face as I look over. Her giggles coincide with her sons.

"Go on grab a sheet"

Now there's the reason for my smile. The man sat to my right. Seeing him be so caring and gentle with children makes my insides melt. He sits Karl on the pew railing as the alter boy passes out the hymn. His eyes sparking and his face laced with smile lines.

It's been two years since all this has began. All the heart racing, mind blowing, tear falling emotions that have crashed into me. My views on the world have changed because I've had the opportunity to see it through some else's eyes.

I know we're still young but that's what makes it fun. Nothing serious needs to happen yet, we can just enjoy one another. But as I sit here in a church, at a wedding I can't help but let the thoughts of what I'd want my own wedding dress to look like drift into my mind.

"Kenz."

I look up to see those wonderful eyes glancing at me with curiosity. He must of been talking to me.

"Sorry, zoned out for a minute."

I grab the hand sat on his lap to affirm my apology. Whenever our hands connect his thumb automatically begins making patterns on the back of mine. I was never sure if it was done to comfort him or myself.

"I was just saying how beautiful I thought you looked."

Damn him.

My neck heats up. Instead of responding I lean over and place a kiss on the corner of his mouth. That's my favorite spot to kiss him. Where his lip raises to form that beautiful smile. The place where all his secrets lie.

We both settle into the noise. Well at least the noise on our side of the church. The men sat opposite look like they want to turn their rifles on themselves. All men dressed in there official uniforms. The men on our side not being very happy about that.

Sat directly across from us sat a posh looking woman and a younger female who must be her daughter from looks and observations. The young one looks a bit like an air head of you ask me. I've notice she's been giving glances over to Michael every here and there. Either she hasn't noticed our displays of affections or she has and is just a tramp.

No I'm not one to be jealous and I trust Michael with my life but in this day and age you always have to be prepared to show people what's yours.

Before I can jump to action the children's choir begins singing, signaling the brides arrival. Isaiah's father walks up to the alter, past all the wide eyed cavalry members.

I can't say it came to me as a shock when I heard the news of Tommy's wishes to marry Grace. I could tell how much he hurt when she left and took apart of him with her. I've had very few words with the woman dawned in purple who is now at the opening of the aisle. She served me a drink of two at the Garrison with a passing greeting. After learning of her affairs with Detective Campbell it's safe to say I won't be spilling any of my secrets to her. But if Tommy is happy than I will support him. He has been with me at my best and worst times so I will stand beside him and his decisions.

Soon after the organ played to accompany the brides steps the ceremony was concluded with a kiss and cheers erupting from the grooms side of the church.

I held Michael's arm as we both laughed watching the poor woman fight over Grace's bouquet. Arthur eventually getting annoyed and breaking it up. The photographer set his camera in place to commemorate the celebration with a family photo.

"Hey get this bloody thing out ya mouth."

I reached up and quickly nabbed the cigarette from in between Michael's lips.

He huffed before smiling down at me.

"Alright take the bloody photograph—"

And before Arthur could sound off his complaint the shutter of the camera cut him off. Grace and Tommy loaded up into the carriage ridding back up to the house.

The rest of us quickly followed. I walked with my arm around Michael's to his right and his mother mirrored me to the left.

My relationship with Polly was still strong. Maybe even stronger since she's come to terms with my relationship with her son and I've come to live within her home. I secretly think she's been planning the details of our wedding since the first time she walked in on us kissing.

The newly weds excited the carriage and led the party inside the massive house to begin the festivities. I went to follow suit but was held back when the legs next to mine wouldn't move.

"Mom we'll meet you inside, yeah ?"

Michael gestured to the inside of the house with his head as he lit the cigarette between his teeth. Polly raised both her eyebrows at her sons command.

"Alright, just not to long you two."

I nodded at her with a smile. She rubbed her hand on my arm as she walked past and into the foyer.

"You know you can smoke inside right?"

I crossed my arms over my chest to cover my slightly chilled body. We were now the only two left lingering outside. The rest of the party getting started with the faint music of the band playing coming from the house behind us.

"I know but I needed to do something first."

"What do you need to do our here in the col-"

Warm lips covered mine before I could finish my complaints about the weather. My hand rose to the back of his neck while the other was placed firmly on his abdomen. My toes curled and my eyes fluttered. If I could live in this moment forever my life would be wonderful.

We broke off when our lungs required oxygen. The tip of my nose still touched him as his heavy breath fanned over my face. A content smile gracing his features. I could feel my cheeks hurting from my facial expression. Two years of kisses like this and they still cause my world to spin.

"What was that for?"

I wasn't objected to his action, just wondering the reason behind it.

"Because I wanted to and I can."

He smirked as he inhaled one last puff of his cigarette before letting it fall to the ground and being squished under his black formal shoe.

My chin fell to my chest ,smile still wide on my face as we broke apart further. He held his hand out to me as he turned to face the entryway of the house.

"Come on now before Pol sets the dogs on us."

My hand extends out almost like a reflex. I latch onto his before we make our way up the steps of the gorgeous estate. The wonder sets in as I can't help and be curious about the night that lies ahead.

I mean what could go wrong when you have a gang and half the British army in one house filled with alcohol for the night?

—

"Now all we need to do is find a lady for Isaiah and the night will be a success."

The boy next to me snorted as he took another sip of his champagne. I myself have already divulge into two glasses and was feeling quite lovely about it.

I leaned back into Michael's hand the rested on the small of my back. We were leaning against the grand staircase away from the main clatter of the party. Myself being the only tipsy one since Isaiah has yet to indulge in the substance and Michael has only taken small sips out of my glass.

"Yeah well it's not for lack of trying I'll tell you that."

The unaccompanied boy grumbled out his response. Michael and myself lived to tease him about finally setting down with a girl. We were like the three amigos accompanied with Finn who tagged along occasionally. Both boys very supportive of our relationship. The whole Shelby clan in general really is. Ada nearly cried when I told her. Arthur threatened to break Michael's thumbs if he hurt me. John told us to never both drink whiskey at the same time.

Tommy never fully acknowledged it. Not like everyone else. Almost as if he suspected it. I would just catch his eyes whenever Micheal and I were dancing or sitting together and he would just give me a look. It was a look that said 'I'm happy your happy'. And that was all I needed from him.

"Excuse me."

All three of us turned to find the little tot that I saw at the church standing before us. Short wavy brown hair, small nose, petite figure. She had this arrogance that floated around her that made me scowl.

"Uh, I was told to ask someone young. Will there be cocaine?"

A snort left my mouth before I could control it. My hand quickly flew up to cover my mouth as my giggles erupted but I couldn't swallow the words I had before they spilt out.

"Darling you've never done cocaine a day in your life."

My giggles erupt once more as the look of shock and embarrassment flourishes the girls features.

An elbow to my ribs makes me stumble back into the arms of the blue eyed man behind me. Damn, I had really become a light weight in the last few months. I couldn't help but grumble at the persons who's arm cause me to stagger.

Michael's arm wrapped around my waste and my head rested nicely in the crook of his neck as we watched the exchange continue in front of us.

"Ignore her. Sweetheart, I am young, informed and, uh, very well-equipped. You chose your man wisely."

As Isaiah turned to fulfill the wishes of the girl, Arthur's hand clamped down atop his shoulder.

"Go on, kitchen now."

"Arthur, this lady wants to play in the snow."

"No, no snow today. No snow today."

The boy shook his head and an irritated look was placed on his face but never the less he followed his orders.

"Too bad princess, guess you'll have to experience a snow storm another time."

I was left with the roll of the eyes before she sauntered off, most likely to find someone else to who possessed what she desired.

"Why don't you like her, eh?"

My head lean back from the shoulder it was placed on to make contact with the eyes who held the question.

"She just rubs me the wrong way, alright."

"Oppose to rubbing you the right way?"

I knew what he was going to do before he could do it. I dodged Michael's fingers which tried to capture my sides. A while ago he found out how ticklish I was and he loved to use it to his advantage. I let out a shrill scream as he began to chase me around the foyer. Dodging waiters, maids and guest alike. Only to be stopped when I ran into a familiar body.

"What you running a muck about for eh?"

Arthur's question was soon answered as a warm presents placed itself at my back. Hands being placed on my hips. Both of us breathing deeply after our small game of tag.

"Alright, alright the both of ya, down in the kitchen now."

We were both pushed forward towards the stairs that led us to the kitchen. Ducking and dodging past bustling staff members. Michael's hands remained on my hips to be sure I wouldn't take a spill. As we rounded the corner, I watch Finn take an horderve from the passing server. He gives Michael and I a nod and joins us in walking to the main area.

Tommy's taking off his suit jacket, cigarette between his teeth, yelling about Arthur and John. The men in question come sauntering down the stairs calling out to Tommy about how this house needs a map. My hips are pushed forward guiding me to the empty sport against the wall next to the brown supply cabinet.

Michael leans himself against the wall and I lean myself against him. He pulls out a cigarette offering one to me but putting in his lips when I decline.

I eventually gave in to the horrible habit. It was around me all the time and I was told it was a great stress relief. You need any form of relief you can get when you're working in a company like Shelby Company LTD.

That's rights, I am now employed by the Peaky Blinders. My official position on the payroll is accountant clerk and swing secretary but what I really do is decided day to day. I mostly assist Michael in his office and will run errands for Tommy is he requests. Just like Michael they try and keep me from the illegal side of the business but if I was asked I know I wouldn't be able to say no.

"All right boys, you're all here. Today, this is my fucking wedding day."

"Yeah, and you said there'd be no bloody uniforms."

"Nevertheless.. Nevertheless, John.. Despite the bad blood, I'll have none of it on my carpet. Now for Grace's sake, nothing will go wrong. Those bastards out there are her family. And if you fuckers do anything to embarrass her, your kin, your cousins, your horses, your fucking kids, you do anything—"

"Tom?"

"What?!"

"What about snow?"

I let out a groan at Isaiah's question. My head drops back to lean on the sturdy shoulder behind me. Can these boy think of with anything other than what's between their legs.

"No, no, no, no cocaine." Tommy came closer to the boys face to make his declaration clear.

"No cocaine, no sport, no telling fortunes, no racing, no fucking sucking petrol out their fucking cars."

Michael and I both laugh as the eldest Shelby grabs the youngest Shelby's face in his hands. It was a habit he picked out with his friends to make some side cash. Tried to get us in on it but we always refused.

"And you."

The blazing blue eyes are now on me as well as I finger being pointed at my face.

"No snuffing the older men out of their money, got it."

I might have picked up the habit of being a right on hustler. My father taught me all the card games at a young age and I picked up on them quite easily. Now most of the time, men are willing to set a high bet if it's against a young woman who claims she's out to spend her daddy's money and has never played a day in her life. John and Arthur loved having me accompany them on their nights out to the casino.

"Course not Tommy."

I smiled at the man who finger still remained wagging in my face.

"But the main this is, you bunch of fuckers, despite the provocation from the cavalry, no fighting. Oi, no fighting, no fighting, No Fucking Fighting!"

And with that Tommy said his peace.

—

"Michael fucking Gray!"

I jolted back in surprise at the shout that came from the end of the hall. I stood trapped between the wall and Michael's body as we both looked to see the person who had interrupted our... endeavors.

A severely pissed of looking Lizzie stormed down the hall way. I placed my hands on Michael's jacket, straightening out his collar and tie that had got loosened. My thumb made a quick swipe at his lip getting rid of the red stain that was placed there.

"What's wrong Liz?"

I had a pleasant relationship with the slightly older woman. We learned to work well together, normally having to complete similar task. I could say that we almost were friends.

"What's wrong? What's wrong is that apparently I'm not allowed to find love in this bloody fucking world."

"Lizzie what are you on about ?"

"She's mad that we wouldn't let her get on with a fucking wop."

Michael's response received a slap on his shoulder from me. He knows I don't like the slur especially since I'm half Italian.

"So you're saying I'm not allowed a man?"

"It's about your choice of man."

Michael moved one hand above my head on the wall white letting the other drop so his weight was supported. I was still tucked under his frame as his banter with Lizzie went on.

"I'm not allowed a man on my arm?"

"Thomas says that they're the rules."

"Fucking Parish bastard."

As Lizzie grumbles out her expletives a new presence joins us. Arthur's heavy footsteps fill the tense air.

"Michael, Kenz, speeches. Come on."

"Arthur. You know what he didn't come, don't you?"

Arthur stole a bottle of champagne off a passing maid.

"Why who didn't come?"

"My fucking man."

"Oh you mean the wop."

"Arthur!"

"Sorry love."

I just shook my head at all the ignorance. Did I think it was unfair that Lizzie was not allowed to bring the man she was with because him being Italian, yes. But at the same time I know it mixed in with business and as employees of the Shelby's company she needs to realize that.

Michael paced over to the mirror placed on the wall opposite us. Wiping the corner of his mouth, glancing at me through the reflective surface. My cheeks flamed up and the corners of my mouth curled. I shook my head before looking down to calm myself.

"Lizzie, we tried to talk some sense into you. We did checks on him. He's had five different names in the last six years, and he's got connections with the Naples boys.

I watched as he pulled a cigar from his pocket before having trouble lighting it. I quickly grab the lighter from him and used my nail to help light it. His hand cupped around it as he leaned down to light the butt. Our faces remained close as he took in a drag. He turned his head to exhale the smoke from his lungs.

"What do you know about love? About when lightning strikes?"

I was hurt by Lizzie's question. So many times she had asked about how our relationship was going and if we were happy. I'd always indulge her in stories until I realized it wasn't the most appropriate. I gave her a complex look that I hope described all my anger and confusion. A finger soon came to my chin to rotate my gaze back to the person in front of me. He took the cigar out of his mouth before his empty hand was placed on my neck and the warmth of his lips covered mine.

It was a quick kiss but a reassuring one. My eyes still remained on him after we broke. His own head tilting towards the tall woman with a smug look.

There was no time to see her response before I was tugged away by hand to follow behind the two cousins. Both going on about Whiskey. I remained blissfully in my own head after the events that just transpired.

"You set fire to his restraint to stop him from coming. You have no right to choose who I step out with in my own time!"

Our footsteps stopped after the shouting coming from the woman began again. Michael's hand fell from mine as he quickly pivoted back to where we just were. Arthur following and me doing so reluctantly.

"Lizzie, you now have an important position in this company. You got the order same as us. You can do it."

Lizzie's head dropped and eyes closed as she let out a sigh.

"Until further notice, no fraternizing with the foreigners."

Arthur made the instructions clear. Once again we turned down the rest of the hallway intent on getting dinner started before the sun rises next. Michael's hand came down on my back side and I gave him a light smile to remind him I'm on his side.

"Yeah well you can tell Tommy from me all the girls in the office think he's losing his fucking mind!"

The two men continued walking but her outcry made me stop before turning back. I let the silence hang for a moment as I looked her over.

"No, not all the girls Lizzie."

And with the turn of my heel I quickly followed the path to the dinning hall hoping to god that they would pop that champagne soon.


	9. Everything

The sound of the music led by the blaring saxophone bled through the ballroom under the chatter and clumsy footsteps of the guests. I was perched against Michael, his right arm wrapped tightly around my waste as we stood opposite Polly. He was a bit tense ever since the confrontation with Lizzie but that's nothing I couldn't fix with some light fondling.

A glass of whiskey sat in his left hand taking sips occasionally. I myself decided to slow down after the two more glasses of champagne I consumed during diner. Even though after the atrocity that was Arthur speech I'm thinking I should have divulged in another.

"Kenz you know that Tommy is friends with Eddie Kensington, who's the best estate agent from here to London. He'll get you an amazing price and you won't have to even worry—"

"I'm not selling it Polly. Now that's the last time I want to talk about this."

The older woman can only nod lightly as she placed her cigarette between her lips. Michael's fingers caressed over my hip bone as a form of comfort since he knew I didn't like speaking of the topic. I snatched the whiskey out of his hand before downing the rest of it. I thought he might be angry but after releasing the glass from my lips I see his own etched with a small smile.

"Pol, now."

Tommy is flying past us, and has given the order before I can even blink. The bloody Russians decided to make contact on Tommy's wedding night. Fucking Russkies. One specifically has come as a "guest". Tommy decided the best tactic would be to use Pol to try and squeeze some information out of the older man.

The older woman turned to the mirror behind her and gently fluffed her hair.

"Kenzie, darling, how do I look?"

"Like you can turn heads and snap necks."

"Excellent."

With that she was lost amongst the sea of people, looking for the tall slim Russian. It was clear the room had a spilt right down the middle. The Blinders and there families and friends against the bloody coppers and there posh totty wives and daughters. Tommy is going to have to find a way to relieve some of this tension or his beautiful carpet will have plenty of new stains.

"Hey."

My right hip is jostled a bit and a warm breath hits my cheek. I watch his eyes trace over my face as he searches for what I don't know. His eyes never cease to amaze me. The beauty of them so simple yet complex all at once.

"They're gonna race some horses out back." My face shifted at his statement.

"But I thought Tommy didn't want any racing or gambling?"

"He didn't but he changed his mind."

Polly soon passed behind us. Well that was a quick meeting. I look over Michael's shoulder to see John and Arthur getting their coats and caps on before heading out the door. My gaze switches back to the man in front of me. His eyes are darting throughout the room.

"Michael?"

No response. His gaze doesn't waver from the walls surrounding us.

"Michael!"

"Yes, sorry love."

See now how can I be mad at that response?

"What's wrong? What's going on?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."

He gruffs out the response. The mood of this wedding is starting to turn. Starting to feel more like a damn funeral.

I now find myself out back behind Tommy's house with drunken and riled up men. Apparently Finn will be racing one of the Calvary's boys. Gambling is now apparently allowed as well but the proceeds must go to the Shelby Foundation Charity, which I'm quite happy about.

I'm leaned against Micheal whose against the brick wall of the stable. It's a cold night and even with my fur coat on I need Michaels warmth.

"Right, all you lot make as much noise and fuss as you can. Especially fucking you."

"So were a fucking distraction John, is it?"

Both John and Johnny Dogs scrap around a bit. But I can't help but become curious by John commands. And as I watch Arthur and John round the corner I think I have my answer.

"What are they gonna do with him?"

Now I'm certainly not daft. I know the ways of the Shelby boys and the Peaky Blinders. But tonight was a different story and I wondered if that would reflect on their actions.

My head tilts till my eyes find Michaels behind me. His jaw is set as he watched the craziness that begins to unfold in front of us. His eyes finally settle against mine.

"C'mon lets go watch."

He tone is soft but firm. His arms unwrap from behind me only for my arm to slither through his as we follow the group of men to where the race will take place. He puffs his cigarette with his jaw still stone.

"Cmon boys, Cause I hope my boy Finn does fall off that fucking horse. Come on!"

Johnny Dogs leads the pack onwards. We meet up with Isaiah whose arm I grab in order to keep warm.

"I've always wanted two men on my arm when I got to go to the races."

"Yeah but this ain't those types of races baby."

My bottom lip catches my top teeth at Michaels words. It's true. This isn't some beautiful event with women in gowns and men in suits, drinking cocktails and having pissing contest. To the Calvary this might be seen as a challenge but I know the real reason for this is for what's occurring around the corner.

Finn ends up winning like we knew he would. Well with a horse jacked up on morphine you could only hope. Arthur and John eventually joined us cheering their younger brother on.

After getting tired of my relentless shivering Michael gave me his coat despite my resistance. The area was filled with arguing and cheering. The ground littered with cigarette buts. I watch Michael inhale from the white stick. He sees me watching and decides to French inhale.

The blasted boy knows what that does to me.

Before I can make a comment about it a heavy arm is thrown around my shoulder.

"See that Kenzie, that's how a Shelby rides."

I pick my head off Michaels chest to laugh at Arthur's comment.

"Oi Arthur she's probably well aware on how a Shelby rides."

Even though it's well known amongst the family about mine and Michaels activities my face still turns the shade of the Calvary's coats whether it be the embarrassment or the wine.

"Oh shut it John!"

I chase the man in circles as he runs backwards, laughing while dodging my attempts at hitting him. He eventually charges towards me, picking me up on his shoulder.

"Put me down you git! Not like we don't hear you and Esme all the bloody time!"

I get in a few punches on his back as we both laugh as he spins us round in circles. John ceases our antics once he sees Tommy emerge from the bushes. I stumble into Johns chest still giggling with my head still spinning. He places a gentle arm on my back and supports me as we walk over to the eldest brother.

"Fucking beautiful horse Tom."

The men chit chat for a moment before Tommy gets into business.

"Alright listen to me. Tell Johnny Dogs and his boys to light a fire in the woods, a big one, to take meat. And send Finn to watch the gates. Moss is bringing someone. And Kenzie."

My head daze quickly disappears and I detach myself from John.

"I need you to go inside and check on Grace. Make sure everything is going smoothly in their, got it."

"Got it Tom."

With a sharp nod we all disperse. Ready to complete our task. I make my way back to Michael whose been having a round with Finn and Isaiah.

"All good?"

I nod as the 3 pairs of eyes fall on me.

"Finn you'll want to go talk to Arthur or John."

The youngest boy puts his cap on quickly before he's off trying to find one of his brothers.

I accept Michaels out stretched hand and we begin to make our way back inside.

"Oi Michael."

We stop as Michael turns to respond to his name. It seems Tommy has called him, still settled where he was among the bushes.

"Keep her off the wine."

My mouth dropped while Michael laughed and what I would almost call a smile came across Tommy's features.

I flipped the older man off before Michael grabbed that same hand and escorted me inside.

—

After checking in on Grace and dodging the answers to her many questions I find myself with a glass of whine in my hand while admiring the room. Tommy can fuck off.

The band has been wonderful all night. The guest are all dancing and drinking. People are laughing and shouting. I'm surprised Tommy wanted all this in his house. Well it's not like he has to clean it up.

I dig out my compact from my purse and get a cigarette. It's not the type the men usually smoke but Polly introduced me to this kind. It leaves a better taste on your lips. As I dig around my bag once more I realize I gave Michael my matches.

"Shit."

"Need a light?"

The voice over my shoulder belongs to a young man dressed from head to toe in Calvary gear. He was by himself smoking a cigarette of his own.

"Um yeah, thanks."

He only knows before gesturing the match towards me. I bring to smoke to my mouth and let him light the end.

We both leaned back against the wall, enjoying our smokes. Watching all that happens around us.

"You're McKenzie right?"

I pause as I was bringing the stick to my mouth. My head turns where he was perched with my brows furrowed.

"Yeah, who the hell are you?"

He lets out a scoff like laugh taking another drag before answering.

"Sam Harris, Grace is my cousin."

"Well Mr. Harris that still doesn't explain how you know me."

My feet found a mind if their own as I made my way to stand directly across from the newly introduced man.

"Well Grace has talked highly about you, mainly your work with the charity."

I only hum in response before continuing my previous actions.

"What she didn't tell me was how beautiful you are."

Oh here we go.

"Let me just stop you there. Before you start groveling I might as well tell you I—"

"You have a boyfriend."

His face tells me that was a statement rather then a question.

"Yes."

"Well Kenzie you might want to keep a more watchful eye on young Michael."

My brown furrows. "The fuck does that mean?"

He comes to stand before me. His eyes do a long glance up my body. I'd normally slap a man for doing that but his gaze isn't sexual. His head nods to the right.

"Go and see for yourself."

And without any further exchange I find myself furiously walking towards the residential wing of Tommy's home.

Most of the doors have been locked. No doubt for security reasons. It's quiet, most guest not coming down this far whether it be out of respect or fear I'm not sure.

But as I continue my way down the hall a light coming from under a door and voices stop my search. I slowly approach the door, not wanting to make a sound. My hand finds the brass knob and turns slowly. The latch opens and I push the door in just to be able to see in by a sliver.

It was Micheal with that tart from earlier.

The alcohol in me told me to bush down the door and throw them both in the fireplace. But the small piece of logic that I had in me told me to wait and see.

"But your friend gave this to me. He said you all did it."

"Not me. But it's all right. Go on."

Michael never partook in the usage of cocaine. Only the business side. I wasn't fond of the substance either. Only having used once, on my birthday after having Finn tell me it'll be the best night of my life. That's one way to put how the night went.

I watched through the crack as the girl began to dump the substance out of the vile. It was blatantly obvious she's never experienced the drug. Michael laughed at her inexperience.

"I see you don't either."

My knuckles grasped at the knob a bit harder at the sound of his voice.

"In London we were all told that you were all gangsters."

"So that's why you got on the train to dirty old Birmingham. For a dirty old night."

I've heard enough.

With a brisk pace I head back into the ballroom. Determined to not let the tears leak from behind my eyes. Yes I know nothing happened. Or has happened yet. And I do know Michael truly loves me but I've never been put in this position by him before.

I find Polly spiking her drink over by the bowl.

"Can I have this?"

Before I even hear a response I snatch the flask from her hand, bringing my lips to the top and taking in as much as I could. When my lips detach a cough makes it way from my throat after what must've been the potent taste of whiskey.

"Jesus, now what's got into you?"

I wasn't planning on answering and luckily I didn't need to since Grace decided to make an appearance. I see a shift in Polly.

I don't pay attention for the most part to the two women's banter. It's nothing I haven't heard before. Polly hates Grace and Grace is a righteous bitch about it.

"We were late coming down because we were having sex."

Well now I'm really glad I haven't been listening. I go to leave, flask in hand but Polly is having none of it. She pins my wrist to her side before I can flee.

"You know it begun. They started business tonight."

The look on Polly's face looks like she's just won the derby. Grace stature falls at Polly's words. I do have some sympathy for the woman who I worked with over the last few months but I will always side with Pol.

"No." She lets out a great sigh. "I didn't. But you just told me so thank you. Let's not forget I use to do this for a living."

"Oh I haven't forgotten sweetheart. It's only Thomas that's forgotten what you are."

"Ladies and Gentlemen...—"

Before Polly could start a full on spat the announcer tells of the newly weds first dance.

"Now what's gotten into you."

The flask is stolen from my lips causing a protest. Luckily nothing spills on my dress. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand before sending Polly a glare.

"Why don't you go ask your son and the little tart he's got in the back room!"

And before she can stop me I've stolen the flask back and fled the room.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

My body is experiencing hot flashes, which is how I know the whiskey is doing it's job. I've been pacing around the foyer for what seems like hours now but I know has merely been minutes.

My high heels long gone say next to my coat and purse which sit on the floor next to a column. The whiskey is long gone and a shiny bottle of champagne is found in my hand that I grabbed off a server.

I get a few odd glances here or there from passerby's but they can take the looks and shove it.

My thoughts haven't left Michael. Is he still with her? Are they talking? Are they fucking?

Is he laughing with her like how he laughs with me?

I bring the bottle to my lips as a hiccup gets released. I've realized that the tears have began flowing and there's no point in stopping them now. I probably look like a working girl after a night of service.

This isn't normally me. Not one to blow things out of proportion but it feels like something has just gone off in me. Seeing Michael with a girl like that just makes me feel like a piece or Birmingham trash.

"There you are I've been looking all bloody over."

My back is to him when he enters. It's like every time I hear his voice I want to smile. And I do. I smile as the tears still slowly fall.

"Kenzie?"

I slowly turn to face him. The bottle in my hand, my cheeks surely stained and hair must be wild.

"Kenz, what happened?"

Worry instantly covers his features. He begins to pace towards me but my hand comes up to stop him.

"So was she good?"

He pauses. Face blank and unsure.

"He who what? Kenzie what's goin—"

"Was. She. Good?"

I pause after every word to get my point across. He face still holds that same blankness.

"Did you give what she wanted? A dirty old night in dirty old Birmingham?!"

Realization finally dawns.

"Kenzie nothing happened."

His hands come up slowly trying to show some sign of reassurance.

"I bet you showed her what she wanted yeah. She could come to this dump and be a dirty whore for a day. I bet that's what her and her rich friends like to do yeah."

I begin pacing again. The cold ground feeling good under my feet.

"Kenzie. I need you to listen to me. I would never do that to you okay? I love you."

"No."

"No?"

"No you shouldn't love me, you should love a girl like that."

I stopped my walking and was planted where I was. My words coming out as sobs. My thoughts furiously processing in my mind. Michael deserved better than this. Better than me.

"Where is all this coming from?"

He began to slowly make his way to me again. Like he was approaching a small creature.

"I can't give you the things girls like her can give you! I understand why you would do what you did."

In no time Michael was in front of me. His hands firmly planted on my cheeks, trying to wipe away the streaks.

"I don't want those girls. I want you. I want all of you. I want you when your irritated when I wake you up in the morning. I want you when irritated at me for getting blood on a new suit. I want you when your throwing up from drinking too much like I suppose you'll be after this and I want you when you next to me asleep looking so peaceful. I love you. Nothing happened with her and nothing will ever happen with her or anyone one else because you are everything."

My sobs ceased with his words. His eyes holding nothing but the truth as his thumbs danced a crossed my cheeks.

I let out a mess of a laugh and a sob.

"God I'm such a fucking toff."

He let out a laugh as well.

"You're not a toff, just drunk. Lets get you to bed why don't we."

Michael placed his jacket around me before going and picking up my items on the floor. He gently took the bottle I still grasp in my hand and placed it by the stairwell leading to the kitchen.

He took my hand and led us to the room we'd been sharing. We were given separate rooms but its rare that we go a night without sleeping in the same bed. Michael opens the door a guides me in. I go straight into the washroom and remove all the pins from my hair and did my best to scrub the rouge and black lash from my face. I change out of my dress into a purple silk slip. I leave my dress on the ground, something that can be dealt with in the morning.

When I opened the door I find Michael already situated under the covers of the king sized bed.I stand a moment just admiring him in a peaceful state. He could've gotten angry at me or annoyed but he didn't. He let me be angry and simply explained himself. I truly don't think i deserve someone like him.

I slowly walk over before crawling over the plush mattress until I'm at his side. I situate myself so my head is placed just below his head on his chest, and his arm wraps around my back. His thumb lightly rubbing against my arm.

We lay there for a moment. Just in the silence.

"You're my everything too you know."

I

t's merely a whisper but I know he's heard it.

His lips press lightly above my ear for a long time. My eyes close and I relax into him. It's true. Nothing more, nothing less. My everything.

"I know."


	10. Hellos & Goodbyes

The cold air formed chills over my skin. Signs of the approaching Winter were apparent today. The sky in Birmingham was always murky but the clouds create an extra gloom. As I watched Finn and Isaiah pat the three gentleman down, I couldn't help but feel a sense of familiarity from the oldest man.

The Italians were here to meet with Tommy and talk about there agreement of peace. That seemingly went out the window once they decided to burn down the Changretta's bar. I Wonder how they'll feel when they see whose sitting at the table. Once the boys were finished we made our way over to the table that was outside in the bloody mud.

"Tell me again why they're having tea outside."

I whispered my question in Finns ear as I latched onto his arm.

"Apparently the Italians wanted the meeting out in the open so they picked by the stable. Something about how wops should be treated." I rolled my eyes at his response. Guess I'll have to have another talk to Arthur about his love for that word. "Of course he did." My grumble caused both boys to chuckle as we near the setup.

John and Arthur sat at the dingy little table surrounded by horse shit and broken crates. Finn, Isaiah and I circled around till when stood behind them. The Italian men stood across from us. Introductions were nothing short of tense.

"Where is Thomas?"

"He got called away."

"He said he'd be here!"

"Yeah he is busy." Arthur smirked.

"And I just told you he got called away. So what do you want."

Conversing was never one of Arthur or Johns strong points. They'd rather talk with their fist or razor blades. And it looks like Vicente is already tired of their shit.

As the cold breeze continues to blow I wrap my arm tighter around Finn's trying to attain any warmth I can. The boy who is now taller then me looks down with a grin.

"Oh shut it." My grumble comes out as I try and bury my head further down in my collar.

"What'd you do to have to be here for this?"

"I'm here incase there needed to be any translations Finn, not as a punishment. I don't get into trouble, unlike you."

My father was adamant about having me learn his native tongue when I was younger. I never met my grandparents but I know both my dads parents were from Italy. I haven't spoke it in a while since I don't really interact with any Italians. Especially since the way the boys view the Italians.

"Yeah I bet Michael would have a few things to say bout that."

I hit the boys shoulder before situating myself back in the warmest position.

I watched carefully as the patriarch of the Changretta's speaks about the peace his family has had with the Blinders and how we wants an explanation for the events that transpired with his son.

"But you tell him from me, that my son will walk with any woman in this city. Any woman he chooses! Even if that woman works for the emperor, Thomas Shelby."

The older mans furious gaze finds mine. I wasn't expecting it. But he quickly focuses back on the men sat before him.

"My son is in love—"

Of course John starts to chuckle. Wasn't so funny when he was saying the same bloody thing about the same woman two years ago.

"You know it would be hard for your son to walk anywhere with a bullet in each knee, wouldn't it."

If I could smack him right now I would. Looks as if Arthur would as well. But John being John just pours himself a cup of tea and lets the statement hang in the air.

"Too much. You said too much my friend. Sabini says, "Suck and Swallow." But no. Too much. I spit! _Scopa inglese sporco_!

Vicente stormed off. Before his men followed, one viciously picked up the chair he sat in and smashed it till it was no more.

John just chuckled and sipped his tea.

"Fucking hell. Kenzie what the fuck did the old man say?"

I looked up from the inside of my coat. "He called you dirty English fucks."

Again the younger Shelby chuckled.

Arthur told Isaiah to add extra security to the pubs they owned before telling the youngest boys to clean everything up. But not before forgetting to remind them how none of this should concern Tommy.

Arthur began to make his exit.

"We're not scared of fucking wops! Arthur!"

The eldest just continued on his path without looking back. Finn and Isaiah began clean up. I too began my journey back into town not without given John a good wallop on the back of the head.

—

The sound of the office door slamming closed knocked us back into the real world. I quickly got up off Michaels lap and swiped my thumb against his lips just Incase. I positioned myself on the corner of the desk as Michael lit himself a cigarette.

Tommy briskly walked past us at first seemingly ignoring our presence. But I heard his shoes scuff softly before pivoting on the old wooden floor.

"Now what have you two been up to?"

I quickly looked over my shoulder at the man perched against the doorway. I shut the book that I was pretending to read and placed in on my lap.

"Well hello Tommy. I'm great how are you?"

The mans tired eyes remained to same but his eyebrow shot up in its questioning manner.

"I was just reading while Michael was sorting papers."

"It looks more to me like you were sorting out each other's necks."

At his words my hand quickly rose to my neck that became hot with the rest of my face. Michael just chuckled while honestly looking a bit smug.

"Polly said you should call her. There's been some trouble."

I came to the front of Michaels desk and leaned against it as he informed Tommy.

"What trouble?"

"I'm guessing it's the stuff she doesn't like to tell me about."

I twisted my fingers nervously. I wasn't certain what the trouble had been but if I had to guess it would be about how the meeting had ended this morning.

Tommy let out a sigh before running his hand through his hair.

"Alright."

He turned to leave but before he could I caught his hand in my own. Nothing could come to mind as to what I could or should say so I just gave his hand a gentle squeeze and gave him my best reassuring smile before letting go.

He didn't smile back but he didn't need to.

He rounded the corner out to the hall.

"You two best behave or Pol will have his balls in a vice grip!" That was the last I herd from the man before another door closed.

I couldn't help but laugh as Michael got up to close his office door. I prop myself up to sit properly on the desk. Michael comes and stands between my legs and my hands slide up his shoulders and latch behind his neck.

"So you excited for the dinner? I know you've been working hard on it."

His question cause me to sigh and lean my forehead against his chest. Grace has been going mad over this dinner. She'll call me up at godly hours asking what damn cutlery we should use. I am happy to be apart of it since it's for a good cause but the newly dawned Shelby woman might drive me to insanity.

"I am yes. But with the way Grace has been I think I'll be even more excited once it's done."

He just hummed his response before placing his lips on my forehead. His action making me smile. It had been a while since we were able to just sit peacefully, just the two of us. With Michael now being full time with the legit part of the business and me doing well whatever the hell Tommy wanted me to do we've had only small increments together.

"I'm still sorry you know."

The words came out muffled against Michaels shirt but I know he heard and understood me.

"Kenz we've been through this I —"

"I know we have but I just need you to hear it one more time. I'm sorry about how I acted and it was so silly of me to think that—"

This time it was Michael who cut me off. His lips fell into place with mine. Nothing as extreme as to what we were up to before just as nice none the less.

As we broke apart his hands rose to my cheeks cupping them gently.

"Listen, I don't give a fuck about what happened alright. All I care about is that we're okay, that you're okay and that this family is okay. Alright you understand?"

I just nodded before reattaching his lips to mine.

"I want you to be careful okay?"

"Michael, Grace is harmless, at—."

"I'm not talking about that Kenz."

I look at him not understanding what he meant.

"I know you were at the meeting this morning."

My stomach dropped a bit. I wasn't going out of my way to make sure Michael didn't know but I know he gets worried when I step over the line from the legal to the illegal side of the business. I do get nervous as well but the one thing I will always put before my conscious is the Shelby family.

"I'm sorry for not telling you. I was only there as a favor, to help out."

Michael didn't say anything but I know he understood.

"You guys are it for me. You're my family and I'd do anything for you."

Michael kissed my forehead once more. "I know and thats what worries me."

My hand sat on the side of his face. My thumb gliding over his cheek. Here I stood with a boy that could tell me he wanted me to drown myself in the cut and If thats what he really wanted I would do it. Maybe he should be worried…

"Alright I have to go before Grace's wrath begins."

As I try to get up from the desk Michael keep pecking my lips.

"No."

Kiss

"Michael."

Kiss

"I need to go!"

Kiss

"Ow! Did you just pinch my bum?"

I laughed as the boy rubbed his back side.

"Well it got you to stop didn't it."

I gave him one last kiss before I exited the office.

—

As I secured the back on my earring and looked at myself in the mirror I released a long breath. Tonight was finally the night. Months of work leading up to this. Part of me hoped that Grace and Ada wouldn't need my help pumping the guest for cash but I was told I needed to use my 'young looks' to help the cause.

I ran my clammy hands over my dress once more. I couldn't figure out why but my nerves have been in overdrive all damn day. Part of me thinks it's because I need everything to go off perfectly but the other part is telling my something totally different. Before I have time to even comprehend what that could be there's a knock on my door.

My heels spoke against the wood floor as I grabbed my coat and purse before opening the door.

"Are you ready to—"

The words were coming out until his head finally turned to face me. His gaze wandered up and down a few times before I had to bring him out of it.

"Hello, Michael you there?" I waved my hand in front of his face just for extra measure.

"I think we need to skip the dinner."

My face contorted. "Why the bloody hell would we do that?"

"So we can stay here instead." His hands gravitated to my hips with his words. A blush soon covered my features.

"We'll have plenty of time for that later. Grace would kill me if I didn't show face."

"Alright but I'm holding you to that."

With a wink from Michael we made our way downstairs. Polly was already gone, leaving earlier with Ada.

I double checked I had everything set in my purse. "Do you have everything Michael?"

He just nodded before saying "Everything I need is right here."

I pushed him out the door or else we would never leave.

The ballroom was full of chatter and lively energy. Which meant the alcohol was flowing and hopefully for my sake the money was as well.

Michael left my side to go and get us some drinks. My eyes soon found he rest of the Shelby clan and I quickly made my way over to them.

"Well hello there boys. Didn't know the Shelby men could clean up this nicely."

I received all smiles and some joking back. I don't think they were necessarily comfortable in this environment but they made sure no one would even think that. An arm soon wraps around my waste and a drink is presented in front of me. I was only able to take a sip before being whisked away by Ada telling me that I needed to 'share my smile'. Which translated to me as shake down these rich snobs. So I left Michael with a kiss on the cheek and said my peace with the rest of the lot before going out onto the floor.

"Thank you so much and I look forward to our tea." I kiss both the woman's cheeks before turning my back to her and letting my eyes roll. Damn women kept talking for nearly 20 bloody minutes. I was already able to get a 500£ donation from her.

"McKenzie dear!"

I quickly consume the wine in my hand before hastily putting the glass on one of the servers tray who is luckily passing by. I turn to see Grace walking briskly towards me with a plump gentleman in toe.

"McKenzie this is the leader of the Birmingham City Council."

I smile and extend my hand to the recognized man. "Ah yes, hello there Danny. How are you tonight?"

"I'm doing quite well Kenzie. Wonderful organization you're apart of."

I smile at his words.

"I'm sorry you know him too?"

I assume the too she's applying means she introduced him to Tommy who knows the man before me quite well.

"Yes well Kenzie makes the best cup of tea in all of Birmingham."

I force a laugh to try and ease the tension out of Grace. "Yes, I know to have one waiting for you when you coming in for your meetings with Tommy."

I smile at the pair as Grace's face has a smile but I can read her eyes and she is not happy.

"If you ladies will excuse me for a moment."

Both Grace and I nod before seeing the honestly kind man off.

I try my best to scurry off before I catch the wrath of the blonde woman but she anticipates my move and her hand reaches out and latches to my wrist.

"Are they're anymore people Thomas meets with that I should know about." There's a smile on her face but malice in her words. She's whispered the words so onlookers wouldn't know the feelings of the event runner.

"Look Grace what Tommy chooses to tell you and what not to tell you is between you and him. I'm sorry." My words are sincere even thought they're harsh. Tommy's my boss and more important than that he's basically my brother. What he says goes.

The women merely nods before quietly looking out into the crowd, my guess is to find her husband. Her demeanor seems to drop even more when she can't seem to find him. My hand reaches out and falls to one of hers arms that sits across her chest.

"Grace I know we're not the closest but I just wanted to say that what you're doing for these kids is really admirable. And I think you should know I've learned a lot from you about compassion and kindness."

She looked like she was going to reply but before she could we were interrupted.

"Hello, excuse me but are you Mrs. Shelby?"

The petite brunette had an accent that was instantly recognizable.

Russian.

I said nothing as Grace and the girl I learned to be named Tatiana conversed. The girl didn't look to be much older then myself. I just felt that something was slightly off about her.

"Tommy."

The presence of the Shelby man knocks me out of my thoughts and back to reality.

"This is Duchess Tatiana Petrovna." He just clears his throat. "Come on, Tommy, aren't you impressed to meet a real duchess?"

"Well I understand they charge a fee."

His statement almost caused me to spit my drink back into my glass. The three pairs of eyes shoot to me but I just pretend to cough it off with apologetic eyes.

Now I know why she's here. She came on Tommy's wedding night.

"— You should of kisses my hand, Mr. Shelby."

The pair that this ones got.

I watch as Tommy apologizes and does what he was suggested. It seems to be dawning on Grace that this is another time Tommy has already met someone she's introduced.

"— You see, I am in charge of compiling the list of guests, but it's my husband who seems to know all of them. Isn't that right McKenzie?"

I don't say anything.

"I hear he is very well connected."

"And where does a duchess hear that?"

"In certain circles."

If this wasn't a charity event my glass would already be all over this god damn ruskie.

"All right, enough. Ada."

Tommy seemed to have read my mind.

The Shelby sister swept in to take away her sister in law with talks of donations. But before they left the Sapphire wearing woman made her intentions well known.

"Tatiana, you and I will speak later."

"I would like that."

The three of us watched as the Shelby woman left us. The tension in the air growing ever so thicker.

"Going to the factory tomorrow is a mistake."

I kept my head down as talks of business arose. I didn't leave cause I wasn't told to but that didn't mean I should listen. My eyes searched for their safe spot.

And they found him watching as he listened to his mums chatter. A quaint smile on his face. He was surrounded by his cousins who were having a good time giving each other a few shoves only Polly put a stop to that.

He must of felt a gaze since his head soon turned over his right shoulder, eyes scanning until met with mine.

We both just smiled. All I needed for my nerves to calm. He mouthed something to me but I wasn't able to understand. I furrowed my brows. A sign to him that i didn't comprehend. He did it again but before I could recognize the conversation inform of me pulled me in.

"— I would fuck you for the cause. What do you think of that."

"Jesus Christ."

The words slipped out but I didn't care that I had let my distaste for the woman be known.

"I think you should not drink vodka with champagne."

Tommy's hand quickly brushed my shoulder. A gesture that I took as my dismissal.

As I turned to find Michael, Tatiana's words stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Does your wife know that the sapphire she is wearing has been cursed by a Gypsy?" The giggles released from the woman's mouth made my stomach turn.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing on earth would make me wear it."

She said nothing else. Only stalking away mine and Tommy's eyes following.

"Tommy what the fuck does that mean?"

"Go find Michael Kenzie."

"Tommy no, what's going to—"

"Kenzie."

The dead tone in his voice made me drop all arguments.

"Go and be with Michael, please."

Tommy never says please.

I nod before doing just as told. Scanning the heads in the area, trying to find the ones that belonged to him.

It wasn't long before I found it and launched myself over.

"Michael."

"There you are! Tommy finally let go of you eh." His amusement was dropped once he grabbed my hands.

"You're shaking. What's wrong."

My breathing was wavered and my thoughts were running wild. My eyes were locked on the newly wed couple and few steps from us. They look to be arguing.

Two fingers on my chin force my gaze directly ahead of me.

"McKenzie, what happened?"

I was looking at him but I couldn't hear the words coming out of Michaels mouth. I warmth overtook my body. Everything around me too loud.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! The loyalty toast, to His Majesty the King."

"The King!"

Glasses were raised and the crowd made there way to the dinning area but my feet stayed planted.

Hands were now at my jaw.

"McKenzie you're scaring me. Talk to me!"

"Somethings wrong." The words were a mere whisper as my ears still rung.

"What's wrong. What happened?"

The heat crept of my neck and dizzied my gaze. My heart feeling like it was out of my chest.

My eyes could only focus on the kissing couple over Michaels shoulder.

As they turned to walk, I watched as a man bumped into Polly. His arm began to raise and time began to slow down.

My body was moving without me telling it to. Michaels hands had dropped with my movement allowing me to go. Before I took another step a hammer was released and a shot fired. My hearing ceased.

My knees soon met the wood beneath myself. All I could see was Tommy's figures cradling Grace in a pool of her blood.

Arms surrounded my middle section trying to stop me from the thrashing I hadn't known my limbs were doing.

I soon realized the sound that had deafened me had been my own screaming.


	11. Escape

"He's back."

"Was he out there all night ?"

"Every night since the funeral. Comes back in the morning to see Charles and feed the horses, and when it gets dark he goes off again."

"He used to sleep out as a kid—"

I drowned out the rest of the conversation as I shifted the small boy from one hip to another. Every time I held Charles like this he would knit his small fingers in my hair normally forming knots. In the past I would give a toy to him to salvage what was left of the brown curls however in the new circumstance whatever would please him I'd abide to.

I take my own fingers and gently run them over the back of the toddlers head. If only I knew the thoughts that raced throughout his still formulating mind.

I know he knows his mother is no longer around but what child can truly understand death. I myself can only comprehend so much of it. Big round eyes peered up at me and a small giggle came out of his lips. Ever since Graces passing I've made it my duty to care for Charles. Yes Tommy has a huge staff at the house and even a few personal nanny's for his son, but they're not family.

This child deserves to have someone who truly loves him and wants to care for him around during this time in his life. And I have no problem being that person.

All eyes turn to the door after it slams and the sound of heavy footsteps ascend on the room.

Tommy doesn't say anything or look up. Four heads slowly turn to follow his strides. He stops only briefly. He feet scuffing the floor in front of me. His eyes were placed firmly on his son. A strong hand reaching out over the young boys hair with a slight ruffle. The piercing blue eyes met mine for only a second.

With a nod he was off to his office.

I remaining staring at the place he once was. Wishing the spot was filled with the man he used to be. But that man disappeared with a gunshot.

"Kenz."

An arm gently grabbed my elbow. I look up to meet Michaels gaze before quickly switching over to Ada who has a concerned glance.

"I'm sorry what was that?"

"Tommy wants to see you first."

My eyebrows raised at her words but I thought best to not ask questions knowing she wouldn't have an answer. I nodded before gently placing my lips on the top of the baby's forehead. I moved to give him to Ada.

"I'll take him."

Michaels soft voice cut through the quiet atmosphere. I smiled slightly before shifting Charlie around to sit properly against Michaels hip. In that moment there is so much I wanted to say to him but at last did not want to keep Tommy waiting.

I grabbed his ample hand. Running my thumb over top. He said nothing on nodding off towards the office as if telling me to 'go on'.

My own hands felt a bit clammy pulling on the large door handle.

After entering the room the only sound to be heard was the scratch of lead on paper. The beautiful dark mahogany desk was concealed with tattered papers and documents. My legs mindlessly led me to the right sided chair which faced the desk.

I hadn't realized I'd been standing for a bit until the back of my bouncing knee hit the front of the chair. I cleared my throat before positioning my bottom at the edge of the seat. My need to fill close to Tommy seemed blatant.

Another minute or so past without a word from either of us.

I watched as he finally and almost reluctantly put down the writing utensil. His elbows were anchored to the table and he bought his hands up over his face to the back of his head.

It was then I was able to see all the new lines that have grown on his face and the once light blue purple bags under his eyes seemed to be black.

A groan was released from deep inside his chest as his head finally swiveled up.

"Alright how is Charles?"

His hands locked on top of his desk after asking the question.

"He's fine. Good even."

"Has he been eating?" He sighed

"Of course. I eat all his meals with them. His been particularly fond of peas the past few days."

The thought made me smile. The young boy loved playing with the small green balls. I was lucky enough to even get him to put some in his mouth after he was done squishing them between his fingers.

I dropped my chin down and relaxed my face as I knew Now was not the time for smiles.

"And has he been sleeping?"

"As well as a baby could yes. He likes to wake me up at dawn and he must be read to before going to bed and even after that I have to dodge many of his questions."

Neither of us had to say anything. We understood what questions the small boy had been asking. I've been avoiding them by attacking him with tickles or telling him the horses would be mad if they found out he was still up.

"Right, okay and what of that have you been doing with the business."

My position with the company, legal and illegal, has taken somewhat of a back step as I've been putting all my energy into Charlie.

"Well I've been double checking Michaels work and making sure any inquiries given have been looked at and given a proficient answer."

The older man just just nodded.

"Good. Good."

"Tommy I—"

"McKenzie I'm going to need you to be keeping an eye on everyone, 'right."

"Why would—"

"I'm going to be off for a few nights. Take this letter hear and you'll know when to read it. I'll be taking Charles so no need to worry bout him."

I reach my hand out to meet his which contains the folded paper. I place it in my lap and gently place my intertwined hands upon it.

"Please be careful Tommy."

I didn't know where he was going but in his eyes I could tell he needed to leave. Not for long just a short escape.

It's funny all the men in Birmingham would dream for a home like this. Maybe that's why Tommy needs an escape. It seems that he no longer dreams.

I stand up but my heels refuse to move from the floor.

"Tommy I—"

"McKenzie now is really not—"

"Dammit Tommy you're going to listen to me!"

I've never yelled at one of the Shelby's before. Rather it be out of respect or the minuscule amount of fear that ran through me of them. But I this time I wasn't taking no for an answer."

"Thomas I'm saying this more for myself then you. I. Love. You. You are my older brother fuck cares about blood. You and Arthur and John and Ada and Pol and Charlie are my family and I love you and I needed you to hear that okay. And no matter what happens you will always be my brother and I will always love you."

My chest heaves as the words come tumbling out. I take and deep breath and wipe my nose allowing myself to calm.

The man before doesn't say anything and he doesn't have to.

With my words in the air I take that as my leave and the office doors soon close behind me.

—

"Arthur find better words!"

"Hey Pol, does swearing in gypsy count?"

"There's no reason for us to be speaking worker or shelter in any case."

Shouts come from John, Arthur, Ada, Finn and I as we tease Pol about the gypsy vernacular.

I have been sitting at the table with Finn and the rest of the family having a few drinks. We'd all met down in the servers quarters cause as John would say, "it's fucking freezing in the big room!"

Everyone had been a bit tense after coming out of the meetings with Tom. Arthur and John in particular.

"When my wife's drunk she can fucking speak English!" I laugh at Johns words even though he shouldn't speak that way in from of Carl.

The room becomes oddly silent and I look over my shoulder to see Micheal has come back from his "errand". I watch as him and John have what almost seems like a slight face off.

"You dealt with it?"

"Incentives, no threats. Implied consequences without specific reference to physical harm."

He answers Pols question as he comes to stand behind me. A hand comes down on my shoulder and soon a pair of lips comes in contact with my cheek. My ears burn slightly due to the action. It's no secret Michael and I are affectionate but it still feels odd in front of his family, his mom specifically.

"That's why young Michael is the boss. He knows better words, right, Pol?"

I peer at Arthur with squinted eyes. So that's what this is all about.

"Since when was I your boss, Arthur?"

My fingers creep up to the hand on my shoulder rubbing it softly. I know Michael isn't fond of them bringing up this sort of thing.

Of course John has to get his word in. "First, the boss meeting. Then the workers meeting."

I can't help but roll my eyes. These damn Shelby's and their pride.

As Finn buts in at the end of the table I watch at Michael reaches to take off his coat. He drapes it around the back of the chair.

"Family meetings used to be all of us together."

"Arthur shut up." Thank you Polly.

It was silent as I watch Arthur ponder his words. Can't say he's done that before.

"Now, me and John, we're just fucking bin men whose duty it is to obey.

I stood up as Pol told Arthur off again and told Finn to play fetch boy. I leaned lightly against Michaels side and my arm came up and sat on his shoulder. I watched as he inhaled his cigar before quickly taking it out once he heard Arthur's idiocy again.

"Fuck off, Arthur."

As much as I want to detest to what Michael said I'm proud of him for finally standing up for himself. I love Arthur and John but they need to stop acting like kicked puppies.

"Fuck you just say to me?"

Oh here we go.

Michael jaw clenches. "I didn't ask for separate meetings today, all right?"

The legs of Arthur's chair scratch against the floor as he stands up.

"No. No, what the fuck did you just say?"

Arthur staggers to Michael. His hand quickly catches my waste causing me to step slightly behind him. As Arthur's head comes in contacts with Michaels my hand that was once on the younger boys shoulder quickly falls to Arthur's chest.

"Cause I didn't fucking hear you right."

As I try to step between the two John comes from behind to pull Arthur away. With his shoulders squared Michael turns to face his cousin. His hand quickly grabs mine forcing it from between the two.

"I didn't ask for separate meetings today, all right?"

I don't allow myself to become sour at Michaels action. If they want to be children then they can act like children.

"Oi Arthur, you gonna shout at me too?"

The mans gaze turns to me.

"I had a meeting with Tom even before Michael and Pol so I guess that makes me all of yours fucking boss eh?"

His eyes don't change. I'm not sure if he knew about my meeting or not. His facial expression not explaining much to me other then the fact he's anger and has drank too much.

"Fucking pheasant!"

All the heads in the kitchen turn to young Karl after he's drop the expletive. Ada quickly rushes over and John begins to laugh.

"Now look what you've done."

Pols response is serious but none of us are able to hold it together. The boys and I begin laughing.

I walk over to Carl and give him a slight pinch on the cheek at which he giggles.

I turn back to see the men with smiles on there faces before Michaels turns serious once again. I don't hear what he says but Polly does yelling at all of us to sit down. She goes on about how far we've come and how Tommy needs us to work together. She asks to propose a toast. Michael hands me and bottle of mild from the table.

"It's a family united that shall never be defeated."

We all raise our glasses but before we can drink that sound of the door opening and quick footsteps interrupt us. Finn enters the room panting.

"Tommy's gone. Swear to God, he's in a wagon with Johnny Dogs."

"Shit!"

And with that the family grabs there coats to run out after the leader in the drive. I myself raise the glass to my lips and take a sip before reaching into my pocket.

Now must be the time.

—

After spending some much needed time with Ada and Pol near the fireplace I decided to take a bath to try and relax. Well that didn't work since I sat in the tub for an hour with my mind racing. After getting out and putting on my night clothes my feet took me to the place where I usually am around this time of night.

My left shoulder lent against the frame of the door. My head soon finding the wood as well.

I peered around the nursery in the dark. The room was normally filled with shrills, cries or giggles was now silent. I slowly strolled in. My hands drifted over the hard wood surface of the changing table. I bent down and picked up one of Charlie's favorite toys. The tan block was out lined with a green lining and has the letter R on it. Charlie loves building up the blocks and takes even more joy in knocking his creation down.

I make a small pyramid of my own before my feet take me over to the beautiful white crib. As my hands gently clutch the top of it. I frown seeing what's in the crib.

I reach in and grab the fuzzy brown bear. My thumb runs over it's soft fuzz and it's hard dark beaded eyes.

This is Charlie's favorite toy. Tommy must have not realized so he didn't take it with them. The thought made me slightly sad. His own father didn't know his favorite toy. To be fair the baby had more toys then a child could ever dream of. But this one was special. He couldn't sleep at night without his teddy by his sides. I found this out with multiple hissy fits.

I brought the bear into my chest. It hasn't even been a full day yet and I already miss him. Would I ever have imagine taking over responsibility of a child a my age.

God no.

But this just wasn't any child. I know Ada helps as much as she can but she has a child of her own. And Polly is a great mother but she hasn't dealt with a baby for some while. I should be one to talk. I have the least experience out of anybody. No children. No siblings or cousins. But for some reason I felt as if I knew right by Charlie.

As I continued to cuddle the small bear a gun shot drew me from my thoughts. I quickly ran to the window to see out in the back. I saw Michael, Arthur and John standing by a fire. I couldn't quite see what they were doing but I could guess.

Throwing the bear back in the crib I found my coat to cover up my night wear before heading down stairs towards the back door.

The cold air creates raised bumps on my arms and legs. Cold grass scraping against my ankles. The light of the fire growing as my steps grew faster.

I tried to be as quiet as possible. To understand the current situation at hand. As I grew closer I saw how the three men were acting. None could stand still for long. Their wrist turned up by their mouths. But then the glint in Michaels hand caught my eye.

My feet stumbled but only for a moment. I forged on. Needing to understand what was happening. Their conversation was finally distinguishable.

"Cock it again! Round two!"

John slurs his words. Arthur circles behind the young man, egging him on.

"But you won't feel nothing 'til you're pointing that at a man. So do it."

Michaels arm soon turns to the left, cocked gun in hand. Right at the nose of John. My feet go numb and I stay planted.

"There you go, young boss. There you go, now you feel it. Now you feel what we feel. This is what it's like."

My throat tightens up as I see a small smile on his face. I've seen plenty of guns in my life. But never one in Michaels hand. And the feeling that consumes me is frightening. I've never been afraid of any of the Shelby men with guns so I don't quite understand the wetness I feel wanting to surround my eyes.

"Michael, that's a Webley. Jumps on the hammer."

Johns face remained stone as he started down the barrel.

"How does it feel, Michael, huh? Better than having a pen in your hand, isn't it?"

My feet began to move again faster then they were before. And before I knew it my mouth was spewing worlds.

"Michael?"

The crack in my voice surprised me. But what had surprised me even more was when I was now the one looking down the barrel.

His hand wavered once he saw it was me but still the gun was pointed in my direction.

"Oh now would you look at this."

Arthur's raspy voice once again breaks the tense atmosphere.

"Now pointing a gun a John that's easy. Now, now you're pointing a gun at sweet Kenzie, huh. Yeah this is when it becomes hard. This is when you do the real dirty work. Pointing a gun at those who don't deserve it. Your wrist wants to drop, you want to tell them to run but you can't."

Now I'm certain that I'm not okay with this situation.

"Arthur stop it!"

A tear leaves my eye before I can stop it. The cold tear only brings more shivers to my body. I know he would never pull the trigger but there's something about having a gun pointed at you that makes your heart stop.

"Now this is where it gets even worse. They're crying, begging you not to, they start praying to their fucking god! This is what we do Michael!"

"No!"

I've had enough.

"No this isn't what you do! You don't harm the innocent! You do what you do to protect the people you love. Which means not pointing a gun at their fucking face!"

Michael drops the gun from me but Arthur still badgers him on. Their conversation is nothing but background noise to the sound of my heart beating.

"—without brining a load of them with ya."

"What's going on?"

Polly voice cuts like a knife. As soon as I see her my legs bring myself to her side. She looks at me with concern but I shake my head.

"Polly we're just educating the boss here on our side of the business."

"Michael get in the house."

Her eyes don't waver from Arthur as she gives the order. I stand a bit back from her as I stayed when she approached.

Shivers consume my body as the night a blows. I watch the grass crumple under Michaels dress shoes. They come to a stop in front of mine. I don't look up.

There's a moment where we just stand in each other's presence. His warm hands soon places itself on my right cheek. His thumb snakes out to brush away a tear track. My eyes become brave enough to look up. They meet the familiar ocean blue eyes that were almost grey moments before.

Before I can turn to walk towards the house. He leaves my side to return back to his mother.

"I'm not a fucking kid anymore."

He leaves that in his place as he returns back to my side grabbing my hand tightly in his leading us back inside.

—

I couldn't sleep and apparently Charlie couldn't either. He wouldn't stop crying even after I fed, changed and burped him. I tried to get him to play with Teddy but that did no good. After feeling his forehead I thought he might be running a bit of a fever. I had one of the maids make him a bottle and I cradled him until he finally fell asleep. That was about 10 minutes ago. I've been sitting outside his bedroom for the time being to make sure he didn't wake up.

I released a deep breath I hadn't realized I was holding and my head fell back against the wall.

"Is he alright?"

The voice startled me since my eyes began to droop. Standing in the middle of the hallway with his hands caught in his pockets was Tommy. The two of them had gotten back from their little excursion a few hours ago.

"Ugh I told them not to wake you. I got it under control."

"Well if my son is sick I'd like to know."

Soon enough the older male does something very unlike him and sits himself on the floor next to me.

"I just thought he was running a little warm. Gave him a bottle and walked with him for a little bit and he was out."

Tommy just hummed in response letting his own head roll against the wall.

"Was probably from him being outside for the past few days."

I agree but I'm not going to tell him that.

"So did you find out what you needed to?"

He was silent for a moment. Taking time to inhale his cigarette.

"Yes Kenzie I did."

I didn't respond, not feeling the need to. I was happy that Tommy got what he needed. I secretly hoped that it would help him recover more.

The hallway remained silent. No cries from the baby which pleased me. My eyes began slowly closing before I would force them open. This happened a few times before I decided I should probably head to bed. But before I could go I knew I had to ask something.

"Tommy?"

The man to my left let out a light groan as a response. His head rolling to his right shoulder so his gaze was my way.

"This might sound crazy, and I don't want it to offend you because I know you loved her and would never want to —"

"Out with it Kenzie."

"Did you ever point a gun at Grace?"

The question was out there and I couldn't take it back. I watch his face. He didn't seem angered by the question nor perplexed. He waited before answering.

"No cant say I did."

I swallowed thickly. Accepting the answer.

"But."

My brows furrowed as I watch the man stare at the wall ahead of us and release the smoke from his lips.

"But, what?"

"Sometimes I wish I had."

I pause. Not letting the first words in my head come out of my mouth. I take a deep breath.

"And why is that?"

His head turns to me once more.

"Cause maybe if I had someone else wouldn't have had the chance to."


	12. Secrets

As odd as it is to say, death has never really scared me.

I was introduced to it at a young age. As I grew older it seemed to lerk around the corner. Now as I sat, kneeling in front of two headstones a feeling of calmness washed over me.

 _William Earl Anderson_

 _Beloved Father and Husband_

 _1860-1907_

 _Abagail Rose Anderson_

 _Beloved Mother and Wife_

 _1865-1914_

I tried to prepare myself as much I could before she passed. We all knew it was inevitable. But even knowing that, the everlasting feeling of heartbreak comes crashing on you the moment it does. The tears I cried would probably make the kutte overflow. But that was all done in private. Not even in front of Michael.

It had been a week or so after the incident that lead to Grace's death. I haven't told anyone besides Polly and now the boy waiting for me by the car. But I'm sure they're all aware. They know everything about everything. They have to.

Pol keep striving to convince me to sell the shop. Put money in my pockets and not have to have it as a reminder. But the idea of selling what my mother worked so hard for almost makes my heart stop.

My hand swept over the top of the engraved stone to rid it of the dirt buildup. I had already placed the bouquets of Lillies in front of the pair. Soon enough they'll be one with the ground.

I tried my best to sneak away here about once a month. Just to talk to them. But today it seemed like no words could be spilled from my lips. I think of how ashamed they would be of how I earn my keep now a days. I haven't picked up a needle in almost a year. Before the tear can escape I blink it away.

Raises up from my knees I brush away the light dirt and tug my coat closer to my body. The winter air having surrounded me and come up from the ground. Kissing my hand I run it over they're name with one last look.

"Until next time."

The ground is silent beneath my boots. Frozen solid dirt. Thinking what lies under this dirt makes me shutter. Not due to fear but due to the unknown. Who are they? How'd they go? Why did it happen? Those thoughts could drive a person mad.

Finally I'm stood in front of the young man with a flat cap perched on his head. I had asked him to do me this favor and he reluctantly agreed.

"Thank you Finn."

He only nodded before walking round to the drivers side. The cold metal makes contact with my hand as I pull the latch and settle into the passenger seat. The car jolts a bit as both doors close. I watch as Finn's hand reaches to place the key in the ignition.

Before I gets there my smaller hand reaches out to grab it. His brows furrow and head turns to meet my gaze.

"You cannot tell anyone about where we went today, alright?"

"Kenz, Tommy is gonna want to know why we were late."

A small smile peaks in the corner of my mouth. Always trying to please his older brother.

"I'll handle Tommy, okay. Now off we go."

The car purrs to life with the flick of his wrist. The solid ground now moving under us. The resting places of many pass until they're well behind us.

"I don't understand why I must go out to hunt with you men. Killing something that's in its own home." The last part is grumbled as my arms cross over my chest. I would prefer to be going home to curl up next to a fire but apparently I'm needed by Tommy.

Finn just laughs.

"Tommy said everyone involved in our side of the company was needed for an important discussion."

"Then why aren't the rest of the women going?"

His eyes wander from the road ahead over to me with a knowing look.

"Because we both know you are not in the same category as them Kenz."

His response only made me cross my arms once more and sink into the seat beneath me. I bet Polly would have loved to hear that.

"So why didn't you ask Michael to take you?"

The hum of the car is the only thing that fills the air for a few moments. It was an innocent question. One I had even asked myself. But ever since the moment that occurred those few nights ago my mind has been a mess.

"Maybe I wanted to spend some time with my favorite Shelby boy hmm."

My hand rose and clamped down on his head sufficiently ruffling his hair under the cap. I didn't have the heart to tell him the real reason. Also because I don't think I know the real reason myself.

He only laughed off my answer with out a response thankfully accepting what I said.

Now I have the next however many minutes to think about a young man with blue eyes.

The sound the horse makes creates a giggle from my lips. The beautiful beast now being tied up to a tree with the others. It's been a while since I've rode and it felt wonderful. Always thought they were very misunderstood animals. Their beauty and grace overlooked by their size and power. Never have I seen a horse in the wild. Now that would be a sight.

The pink muzzle was soft under hand. Reaching up I cup my hands around my mouth before releasing warm air into them. Of course I left my damn gloves in the car which is back at the house. And the now light rain coming from above isn't helping.

A presence was behind me after hearing steps against the twigs lying on the ground. Those steps settled only slightly behind me.

"I think he likes you."

Well fuck.

Glancing over my shoulder I find the person I've been avoiding the past two nights. I tried to think about what I would say when I knew this would inevitably happen. Well that thinking did me no good.

No words can formulate in my mouth so I just smile before returning my sights back to the animal. A mix between a groan and a breath is released from his body as I seemingly ignore him.

Soon his hand is placed next to mine. Stroking up and down the horse.

We simply stand there. I hear Tommy call for Arthur and Finn as they horse around. No joke intended. His hand comes to a halt and I look over to find his eyes planted on my hands.

"Where are your gloves?"

My cheeks reddened at his parental scorn.

"I um accidentally left them in the car which is obviously back at the house."

My hands have a slight red tinge from the cold nipping at them.

"Why were you in the car?"

Well **FUCK**.

I relax my face after realizing it must look my eyes are about to pop out at my mistake. Quick Kenzie think, think!

"I ugh- had to get medicine for Charles. He had gotten sick the other night."

It wasn't a complete lie. The toddler had a little spit up but nothing that needed medicine. After a light rocking he was back asleep.

"You care for that boy like he was your own."

Thinking of that child can't help but brighten my mood. Even if only a little.

"You've been avoiding me."

The wind picked up. Creating a howling noise in my ear. My hair blowing black exposing my neck.

"Why would I be doing that?"

My whisper was too late to be covered by the sounds of the wind as it died down. The attention I once had on the black beast was now placed on Michael. His hand shuffle around in his coat pockets. One quickly coming out to whip the under bridge of his nose.

Suddenly it was like a small fire was lit deep within me. The words I've been dying to say start coming out like smoke.

"Why would I ignore the man that I love? Why would I be scared of someone I thought I knew like the back of my hand? Why do I think your keeping things from me? Why am I keeping things from you. WHY would you point a gun at me and WHY would I think you might actually pull the trigger !?"

My breath comes out heavy. The look on his face is unrecognizable. Maybe a mix of shock and a slight anger.

"You really think I'd hurt you? That I would shoot you!"

"I told you to stop it. I told you to put the gun down. And you didn't!"

"I don't always have to listen to you!"

That was it.

My fave dropped at the realization. He really is a god damn Shelby man. Afraid to have his ego bruised by a woman.

It seems that he also realized what he said as he recoiled back into himself.

"McKenzie I- I would never, ever harm you okay? Why would I hurt somebody I love?

He doesn't ask the question to me but the ground. After it's been let out in the air his head picks up.

"Boys and Kenzie!"

We both don't move.

"This family has done worse."

I stay put but Michael brushes past me to go listen to the words of our leader.

"It's two hours work. But of grease on your cuffs, and that's it."

"Tommy, should I really be here for this?"

Oh so he wants to play with guns but he doesn't want to face the consequences.

"I've cleared it with Polly, Michael. There's no way around it. We need you to know.

"And why the fuck am I here Tom?"

8 pairs of eyes snapped to me faster then if I said 'help'.

I quickly comprehend the severity behind the words I said.

"Uh sorry I'm just uh cold and don't like the rain."

Well my neck is officially warm now. I look to Tommy and he doesn't seem angered.

"It's alright Kenzie. You're here cause you're smart and I trust your judgement."

Nodding is my only response before my head dips down into the collar of my coat to retain warmth. If we're being honest I tune out the rest of the conversation just dreaming about being inside. I try and squeeze my hands into the ridiculously small pockets of my coat.

My right hand makes contact with what feels like leather. My thumb and index finger pinch at the fabric pulling it out of the pocket.

Two rolled up gloves are now held in my hand. They can't be mine, they weren't there earlier.

I quickly slip my frigid hands in and feel how the fur inside has a bit of warmth in it. My fingers don't even reach the tips. So I was right to presume these gloves don't belong to me.

My eyes wander over the men stood in a circle besides me. All with their own hands tucked within the confines of their coat pockets. There's only one pair of hands with a sliver of skin showing.

God damn him.

Couldn't of just let me be cold and miserable.

Once business was done and the stag meat had been consumed we saddled back up and made our way back to the Shelby residence. I strayed behind the pack. Trying to enjoy the ride as much as possible.

Some time for peace. As much as I hate the cold it isn't a lie when they say the fresh air can do you some good. Gives you time to think.

That time is soon over as we reach the beginning of the drive back at the mansion.

The group of men begin hollering and I soon see why. A beautiful Bentley is parked in front of the door. Guess Tommy has a visitor.

I watch as the man of the house quickly dismounts his horse and entering the household.

I take my time with the dismount. As much as I enjoy ridding, never did I perfect the skill. My foot always getting stuck in the stirrup.

As I take it slowly this time , I successfully slide my right foot out before kicking it back over horse in search of the ground. Of course I over estimate myself. The speed of my kick quickly throws me off balance. My stomach drops as I feel my back becoming parallel with the ground.

Before the two get the chance to meet two hands break my momentum. My body is slowly placed down once my other foot releases itself.

I know who the hands belong to before I see their face. I've fallen in front of him more times then I'd like to admit.

I tuck my messy hair behind my ear. Turning on my heel I find his lip between his lip.

"Thanks."

I go to walk past him as he did to me earlier then I remembered. I quickly slip the leather off my hands.

"I believe these are yours."

My hand remains extended waiting for him. He slowly raised his hand and gently took them from me.

The feeling between us was tense there's no denying it. And right now I don't feel like fixing it. So with one last glance and the roles reversed this time I brushed past him into the doorway.

I hear voices coming from Tommy's office so decide to investigate. Peering into the hallway I see John laughing while talking to Tommy. As I slowly step closer it appears the owner of the Bentley must be present as well as it looks John has found out.

The atmosphere in the room soon looks to be mildly uncomfortable. John soon leaves brushing past me as he does. I probably should not interfere but I seem to have a pair between my legs today.

"— So neither one of us can change our minds."

"And who do we have here?"

My presence seems to surprise them both. My eyes scan over the girl in front of me. Not much older than me I assume. Russian dark features, heavy makeup, short, cocky.

I hate her already.

"Ah yes McKenzie this is Princess Tatiana Petrovna."

It seems as she's already got her preconceived notions about me as well.

"How does it feel to meet a real Princess McKenzie."

What a **smug** bitch.

"I'll let you know when I do."

I smirk as her face settles into a scowl. Tommy clears his throat bringing the attention back to him.

"Did you need something?"

The question being directed at me. Well I can take a hint.

"Where is Charles?"

"Charles will be staying with Arthur and Linda for the night. So no need to worry tonight."

My eyes narrow but I nod.

"I guess I'll take me leave then."

I ignore the princess as I turn towards the door. I stop in the door frame and pivot on my heel.

"Tommy."

With reluctance he shifts his attention to me once more.

"Please be careful. I would prefer not to have _another_ child to raise."

 **AN: Hello my** **lovelies, long time no speak. I apologize for my absence but I am very happy to say I'm now back in the writing swing. I know not much action too place during this chapter but things will get intense (I mean with this show how could things not?) Please leave a review and let me know what you thought about the chapter and what you would like to see happen next! Until next time XX**


	13. Trapped

_The morning light_ crept through the gap of the blinds. I wish I could've said it had woken me up but that would mean I had been asleep. The comfort of the night never took control of my body. As I blink a few times to adjust to the new light my eyes tear. The effects of staring at a wall for an ungodly amount of time.

For the first time since I can remember I spent my night completely and utterly alone. No Charles to care for or Micheal to lie with. We haven't shared a bed in quite a few nights. Normally you'd sleep better with less distractions but when my mind is alone it runs more wild than ever before.

Swinging both legs over the side of the bed I gently placing them on the wooden floor. The sound the floor makes under my weight is similar to the groan that comes from my mouth.

My morning stupor is disrupted by a pounding on the door, followed by a strain groan.

Who the bloody hell is that?

I force my legs to shuffle down the stairs. The knocking continues.

"I'm coming! For fucks sake."

The second half coming out as a grumble. My hand finally grasps the brass knob. Swinging it open reveals a group that only could be described as motley.

"What do you lot want?"

Ignoring my question Polly pushes her way past me. She stumbles against some furniture, most likely due to the white rag draped over her forehead. Lizzie and Esme follow in suit.

The women sit themselves at the table situated in the small kitchen.

"McKenzie be a doll and put on a kettle for us."

"How bout I ask you why the hell you lot have barged into my house?"

Lizzie glanced up from the pamphlet she was ready, Esme stopped and leaned up from the spoon of snow waiting beneath her nose and Polly pushed the rag up so it was no longer covering her eyes.

"Well ?"

Lizzie was the first to break the somewhat tense silence.

"Well yesterday while you were out galavanting with the men, us women went out on strike."

I rolled my eyes as I rummaged through the cabinets successfully finding the kettle and placing it on the stove flame.

"Yeah, yeah I heard all about your strike. Polly I even heard you were given speeches out the back of a wagon."

My words had a humorous undertone at the thought of the Shelby woman wooing a crowd.

The two younger women let out they're own snorts which were soon silenced by the daggers thrown at them.

"Well we're having a meeting with Thomas later on to discuss our place in the business and we want you there."

The gypsy women's invitation was one of slight surprise.

"Why am I needed?"

"Cause you're a women in this company and we have to be united."

The exhale that comes out of my nose my the tea in my cup spout out a bit as I raise it my mouth.

I place tea cups in front of the ladies and pour them a generous amount each. As I do so I ponder the real reason they want me at the meeting

"Are you all really angered that I went with the men yesterday?"

I was only met with 3 deadpan stares.

"Seriously! I didn't even want to be there! They found a stag, killed a stag, gutted a stag and had a pissing contest. Oh and all of that happened in the rain!"

"Yeah well you were still asked to go."

My glare landed on Esme. Always had something to say.

"Really doesn't feel like a group of united women with you all ganging up on me. And what is it exactly that us united women are searching for? Tommy's going to think this is a load of ballocks—"

The slam of china disrupts my opposition. I watch as a heavily pregnant Esme stands and takes a few steps until her protruding belly is almost pressed against me.

"You think you're hot shit just cause you got to go out with the men. You know what I think? I think the only reason Thomas keeps you so close is because you're an outsider. You're not real family—

"Esme!"

"— and he needs to keep you close so nothing will slip out. Pols family, I'm family, Tommy puts his cock in Lizzie so she's a close as she can get. It seems like Michael's done with his fix of you. Now all you are is a glorified nanny.

"Esme that's enough!"

Polly's yells echoed in the now silent kitchen.

Esme's face was so close to my own I felt our angry breaths intertwine. My eyes leave hers and scan around the room to see Lizzie and Polly's expressions.

Pol is visibly mad. Now standing behind the chair her hands gripping firmly on its back. Lizzie stood with a look of shock across her face. No one said a word

My eyes closed and a deep inhale expanded my lungs before being released. I opened my eyes and took and step back from the still seething woman.

A smile laced my features which seemed to confuse my guests.

"Ladies I will be at your meeting with Thomas this afternoon. But if you'll excuse me for now it's time for you to get the **fuck** out of my house."

The statement hung in the air as everyone remained stagnant. My irritability grew. I forced my feeling against the wood and threw open the front door to further exaggerate my point.

Lizzie carefully walked over to Esme placing her hands on the woman's shoulder. Yet she quickly brushed them off and was the first one out the door.

Lizzie said nothing just a reluctant glance then went off to follow the small brunette.

Pols steps were slow, almost cautious like. The rag long gone from her head. Her movements were calculated. Like a hunter approaching a small doe.

Her heeled shoes scuffed at the wood beneath us as her footsteps died in front of me. I refused to drop my eyes from her own. Her mouth opened a few times but no words would spill from her lips. Finally she was able to form a sentence.

"McKenzie you know none of that—"

"I'll see you later Polly."

My words means of being dismissed. But she still remained. Her eyes squinted as a light smile graced her features. Not a smile of happiness. A smile of somber.

She ducked her head as she stepped out into the cool air. My hand perched itself on the frame of the door. The chill entering the house as I watch the three retreating forms.

I grab the door ready to slam it closed but before I can my mouth gets the best of me.

"Oi, Esme!"

Three pairs of shoes grind against the gravel as they pivot. Eyes now locked on my form.

"How bout you lay off the fucking snow. It's already gonna be a step behind with _you_ as a mother!"

I don't see the woman's face before the House is rattling from the slam of the door.

It took a bit of a shove in order to open the door. The cold weather expanded the wood on the frame.

I had to wave my hand around it order to move the dust that has collected in the air. The keys rattling in my hand as I do so. The door almost slammed itself behind me by the pure force of the wind.

The bundles of yarn and thread that lay against a nail on the wall shook. I ran my hand gently across them, watching them rotate.

The air was stale. Having not felt life in quite some time. The metal hangers were empty on their racks. A smile adorns my face as I remember the time when there wasn't enough racks to keep up with the inventory.

The once warm room adorned with mahogany red desks and plush maroon chairs was now cold and grey. The furniture long gone. Donated for better use. There was only one instrument that remained.

The cream machine had a slight grey tinge to it do to the dust. But all of that was washed away with the sweep of a hand.

This machine is where it all began.

I remember running down the stairs, my legs not even long enough to reach the next and seeing mother working tirelessly on it. Her fingers like a ballet dancer. Quick and elegant. I sat on her lap as she taught me the right way to thread a needle in front of that very machine.

A single sewing machine created a livelihood for her. Her talents were unmatched. I could never even come close.

A small drip on the base of the machine knocked me back to reality. Wiping my cheek and quickly take one last look around, taking inventory in my head. They'll only be one more time I'll be back here before it's gone.

"I'm sorry mum."

My hand pulls open the door before I can look back and I silently jam the key in the lock making sure all is secure.

The walk to the shop is rather quick. My mind wanders to a time when I thought it took much longer with much shorter legs.

By the time I reach the house to door is unlocked so I don't bother knocking. As I enter I'm greeted by the sights of two Shelby men.

Arthur and John are sat around, shooting the shit until Tommy arrives is my guess.

"'Right Kenz, how you doing?"

Smiling at the eldest Shelby I respond.

"I'm alright Arthur, thanks."

The conversation is kept short, just a small smile and nod given back. John makes a brief eye contact but nothing more. My mind wanders if his wife told him about our earlier encounter. Unless maybe he feels the same way as well.

As much as I want to go back and crawl in bed or find out where the toddler that has my heart is a give him a cuddle I proceed into the next room.

The three women who sat in my house earlier are sat in similar fashion. Pols gone back to her rag with her feet kicked up. Lizzie reading the dumb pamphlet and Esme begrudgingly stood by the fire.

Feeling no need to exchange pleasantries I drag one of the wooden chairs from the table and situate myself the opposite side of Polly.

I hear the door close in the front room meaning Tommy must have thankfully arrived.

We wait a few more moments before Lizzie gets up to knock on the door. She is met with a sharp 'wait'. More moments pass before an assertive 'come' is announced.

Well at least Lizzie knows how to obey that command.

"The executive committee of the union of bookies and allied trades will see you now, sir."

I'm unable to hold back the snort that release from my throat at the name these women created.

It's looks to me like Tommy can't believe it either as he lights his cigarette perched against the door frame.

"I heard you were giving speeches off the back of a wagon, Pol,"

"I can't remember a fucking thing."

"Well, moss tells me you were threatening to burn down the town hall."

I slowly began to ignore the conversations happening in front of me. Talks of lavatories and Jessie Eden.

"Actually, we want to know about the robbery you're planning. Not the factory robbery. The other one. The one you're not telling the women about."

When I saw John earlier he must of not been wearing pants cause it seems that Esme took his. And his balls.

I watch the surprise faces of Polly and Lizzie. I do nothing more than relax into my seat knowing my fair share about the robbery.

"Ladies why don't I talk to Tommy privately and then I'll report back to you faithfully."

Polly's suggestion didn't stop Esme from continuing to mouth off.

As Lizzie began to escort her after Tommy's order they both stopped before me.

"I think that means you too McKenzie."

Standing toe to toe with Lee girl I decide to reciprocate her tone from earlier.

"I'm already aware of everything and if Tommy wants me to leave he'll tell me himself. Now why don't you run along to check and check on the children. That is your job right?"

The train could've been powered with the steam that came out of the Irish girls ears.

The sound of the day must a been a door slamming as one does after they leave.

"Fucking hell."

I agree Tommy. He slams a chair out next to me and throws himself down upon it, throwing his cigarette case as well. They speak of how Linda has stolen Arthur's soul.

"We can trust Lizzie."

I've never spoken much to the women but she's never given me a reason to mistrust her.

"Yeah, but I can't trust Esme. I can't trust the fucking Russians to pay me or the army, and I can't trust my own brother to keep his fucking mouth shut."

As Polly lights a cigarette of her own I can't help but want to indulge. Reaching my hands out to the silver case and grasping a white cancer stick I place it between my teeth. The action doesn't go unnoticed by the two adults but no comments are made.

Lighting the end and breathing in the toxins instantly gives me a lightheaded feeling.

They go on to talk about Tommy's guest last night. Princess Ruskie bitch. As much as I dislike hearing about Tommy's night time endeavors, even the ones he claims to be for work, I can't make myself up and leave.

"Did you tell Arthur about the Priest?"

"I only told you."

"Thanks for the burden."

"Now you can share that burden with Kenzie."

My narrow eyes meet Tommy's. Like I really needed a more god damn burdens.

After sitting I silence, successfully burning through their cigarettes both Pol and Tommy got their coats on to leave. My eyes couldn't leave the clothes. Tommy's tailored suit and Polly's beautifully hemmed dress.

"Tommy, Pol."

My words are light but they are heard. Both situate their collars and sleeves and glance at me when their names leave my lips. I take this as a sign to go on.

"Where do you get your clothes tailored now?"

I feel the unease enter the air with my question.

"All our stuff is custom ordered Kenz, you know that."

Tommy's raspy voice consumed the room. It was a good try but he had a tell.

"Tommy I see the under tuck of your pant leg and I see the bottom of Polly's skirt, it's been hemmed."

I can see the hesitation in their eyes. The realization strikes me like a bolt. Everyone has been moving on and up. Everyone except me.

I don't bother waiting for an answer getting up and finding my coat.

"Kenz, there's this women down on Central that—"

"You know Tom there isn't a time in my life that I don't remember working for you."

Those haunting blue eyes do nothing but stare as I speak.

"Even when I was working for my mother. I was working for you. I only have the skills I've developed from my mother and the skills I've developed from you. And truthfully one of those has faded immensely. So it looks like I'm trapped."

I've kept these feelings so bottled up I didn't realize I felt this way until now.

Tommy said nothing. Not that I expected him to. Polly said nothing. Not that I expected her to.

I dug in my pocket feeling past my leather gloves until my hand met a cold piece of metal. Taking it out, I held it close to my fave examining it closely for the last time before placing it on the table.

"Here."

"And what's that too?"

Tommy offered the question up. I looked to Polly and it seemed she might already know.

"The spare key to the shop. Tell your friend Eddie it'll be good to sell by next week."

"Kenzie—"

I didn't bother to listen to Polly's words before I was out the door, leaving my past life behind me.

A few nights have passed since the meeting I've had with Tommy and Pol. I've spent the nights watching over Charles but this time as a choice not a job.

My hearts hurts for the poor child. His only interactions coming from estranged people or family members but only for a brief time. Even so he's spirits never dulled. The cute little dimples always seemed to be present. Being around a child so often makes your thoughts wander.

It makes me smile imagining to have a child of my own some day. Something that will always have a piece of me. But it will also have a piece of someone else. And the person I once thought it would be is no longer himself.

It's been days since I've last encountered Michael. Unaware of his day to day activities. What he's doing or who he's doing them with.

But is it selfish to want to bring a child into this world. I've seen the ramifications first hand of having a child and then leaving them all too quickly. The proof is sat in front of me.

But before all of that happened, I also saw the joyous side. What it's like to be a family. To unconditionally love someone. And I want that. I deserve that.

My heart aches when I think about the child I want. And the blue eyes I want it to inherit.

Charles laugh knocks me to my senses. I peer around the grand mansion to see we are alone. Not having spotted a single worker throughout the morning.

Heels click throughout the hallway and the head maid Mary comes into view. She seems quite upset.

I get to my feet and lift the child to perch him on my hip.

"Mary what's going on? Where's Tommy?"

"He's in his office. I must go and speak with him immediately."

She turns the corned and quickly trail her heels. She enters the office without a knock.

The door seems to startle Tommy who had previously been hunched over. When I see blood running down his head an abrupt gasped passes my lips. I tuck Charles head into my shoulder so he doesn't see his father in such a state.

I listen as Mary complains about Tommy firing all former soldiers on staff.

"Mary, I want it so that Charles is never left on his own. Understood."

He stated Mary's names but his eyes were locked on mine.

Mary pleaded with him to call a doctor but Tommy ignored her cries. He informed her she is to house and feed men coming down from Birmingham. She begged to know why

"I bought a cursed sapphire into this house, Mary. And now I'm paying for it. And I don't know what to expect. But neither do my enemies. Tell David to bring the car around. I need to go to London. And get me some tea Mary."

I could tell the women wanted to object but she knew her place. I however do not. I hand the toddler to the older women as she passes and rush over to crouch down in front of the bloody man.

"Tommy. Tommy look at me."

I gently raise my hands to either side of his cheeks, holding his head steady. His eyes are unable to remain still. Looking like they'll roll back into his head any second.

His arm raises past me to get to the phone.

"Tommy stop it! What do you need? I'll do it! Please let me help you!"

His eyes finally focus on my face for a moment. Sweat drips down the side of his face onto my hand.

"Dial Arthur."

I obey his command. Making sure his head is gently resting against the seat I turn to get the phone. My shaking hands scrambling to dial the number correctly. As I hear a ring I hand Tommy the brass so he could listen while I position the bass so he can talk into it.

I watch as he scrambles to get out his sentences. He hands me back the brass when his message is delivered.

"Dial Ada."

I do as I'm told once more. My heart breaking bit by bit. I almost feel like I'm in a stage of shock. The all so powerful Thomas Shelby is crumbling. The call is same as the last quick and to the point.

"Tommy please tell me what's going on.

 _Please Tommy_."

My weeping had crept up and spilled out all at once. A man who I had considered a brother was dying in front of me.

"Kenz, Kenz listen to me."

His words were slurred. Thick with saliva.

"You are in charge of Charles. You're the most selfless persons I know. I need you to be strong. Cause you are you're so I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

My sobs get caught in my throat

"I don't understand this Tommy. I don't - why are you sorry."

 _"I'm sorry that I've trapped you."_


	14. Assumptions

Being in such a large house and hearing nothing but the sound of your own breathing is quite eerie. No footsteps against the wood floors, no chatter amongst the staff, no shouts or curses coming from the office below. It could easily drive a person mad.

3 days it's been this way.

The events that transpired those nights ago still haven't completely registered in my mind. After completing his phone calls Tommy was off to London. He tried to convince me he could drive himself but after many pleas and sobs from myself he agreed to let someone drive him.

It was later that night I received a phone call from Ada on the current state of Tommy's condition. He had been checked in the a hospital. Fractured skull, impaired vision and internal bleeding which caused a brain hemorrhage.

The doctors had to open his head up and repair what needed to. 12 staples to the head and 2 days laters, here we are.

Charlie became quite distraught without his father around. The young child couldn't be left alone so I quickly gave him a spot next to me in bed. Staying in one of the many guest rooms in this house which also became a semi permanent type room to myself.

Closing the door gently behind me I make my way downstairs. A large breath of relief fills my lungs now that I was finally able to put Charlie down for a nap. The poor child unaware of the events that have transpired.

My shorts heels make a dull noise against the staircase. My steps soon come to a halt when a see the presence of someone in the foyer. Someone that should not be here.

"Sam?"

Blonde curls are tousled as his gaze finds my own. His hands that were once linked together behind his back unclasp.

"McKenzie. How great it is to see you."

"I'd like to say the same but I'd rather know what it is you're doing here?"

The corners of his lips quirk up in a not so subtle way. My feet regain movement until I'm face to face with the young man.

"Never one for formalities are you?"

The look on my face answers for me. Now is no time for visitors, so the sooner he tells me why he is here the sooner he can leave.

He clears his throat after realizing I'm still waiting for him to answer my question.

"My Captain sent me to get a paper notarized by someone in Stratford. My aunt heard of my trip and requested I pick up the box of Grace's things."

It's been a long while since that name has been said in this house. And quite honestly it throws me for a moment. But then I quickly remember after the women's untimely passing her mother requesting some of her things back.

I've never met the woman but one could only imagine the pain of losing both her husband and child.

"Oh, right. Um let me see."

I turn quickly pace to Tommy's office. The footsteps behind me telling he's following suit.

The brass knob touches my finger and gently clicks.

Pausing momentarily I take in the state of the office. The air is stale and the room a cluttered mess. I haven't brought myself to clean it since the events that happened those nights ago. The housekeepers are not allowed to clean in this room for security reason. So like many other things I've taken it upon myself.

The presence standing at the door frame reminds me why I came. I check over my shoulder and can see questions dancing in his eyes. Wondering why a substantial man, such as Thomas has an office in this state.

I myself now clear my throat and rummage through a pile behind the wooden desk. Piles of paperwork and plenty of boxes. After moving much clutter to the side my eyes land on a small box labeled with a X on the lid.

With a heavy sigh I grasp the box and bring it to the center of the room. Sam slowly enters the room for the first time. No words are exchanged as the box is shifted from my hands to his.

"I'm sorry."

His statement catches me off guard.

"Why are you sorry?"

The words come out more of a whisper than a command like I intended.

"You never asked for any of this to happen. And now you're left cleaning up a mess you had no part of making."

His words are slow and quite as if he were consoling a child.

His response triggers many different emotions within. Annoyance because he is assuming things. Sadness because of the pity I see he has for me. And anger. Anger because I feel like he's right.

"And how do you know that?"

My questions is asked as I make my way out of the office hoping to return to the foyer and usher him out the door. Just as I'm about to enter a hand softly closes around my forearm.

My heel quickly pivots to see Sam standing with the box tightly tucked under his left arm, freeing his other.

"Because I see a lot of her in you. Grace. She always wanted to fix things she had no business fixing. Doing this, helping them, you're gonna get yourself killed. I only wish I could have saved her. So now I give you the warning that I should have gave to her. Get out with your life while you still can."

My breathing is stunted after his words.

"You have no right to say that. No right to make assumptions about me or my life!"

"Kenzie you and I both know they're not assumptions."

I go to retaliate but Sam's eyes no longer bore into my own. His gaze is placed slightly over my shoulder.

"Kenzie, what's going on?"

It had been some odd days since hearing that voice. The voice that quickly caused me to reclaim my arm and twirl on my feet once more.

Standing in the doorway of the house was Michael Gray.

I don't know if I want to run into his arms and cry or smack the daylight out of him.

The eye contact between us in tense. Not as tense as the egos of the two men though.

"Nice to see you again Mr. Gray, McKenzie here was just helping me find what I needed to be given back to my aunt."

I didn't look back as the man behind me voice filled the quiet room. My eyes only gaze over Michaels form.

A dark suit with a white undershirt and maroon tie. He fiddled with a cigarette between his index and middle finger.

"Yeah well if that's all you'll be on your way then."

It wasn't a question. We all knew that.

I again didn't move as the man behind me took his time to walk to the door. He passed closely by me before swerving by Michaels form.

Keep walking. Keep waking.

His feet stopped before venturing down the front steps.

God dammit.

I watched over Michaels shoulder as his body turned. The box now returned to his two hands.

"Thank you for your help today Kenzie."

We both knew I wouldn't respond.

His footsteps faded until the rumble of an engine flooded the room as the door remained open.

Now the only presence beside my own was one that has been remiss for some time now.

My curiosity has grown as to why he's chosen now to present himself.

"Alright lets go."

He says it so quickly I almost miss it.

"Go? Where are going?"

I turn to ask the question as he walks past me to the closet. He doesn't answer. Only rummages through the closet until seemingly finding what he needs. I'm surprised to see once of my coats grasped in his hand.

He walks back over to where I stand. Opening the outerwear while gesturing for me to turn.

"Michael where are we going?"

I obey his request and turn as he helps me into the coat. I turn back around to face him as I fiddle with the belt.

"We're going to see Tommy."

He walks around me again to go out the front door. I should be dizzy with all the circles I've been walking in.

"What about Charlie?"

The small boy would hopefully be asleep for an hour more.

"I've already told the head you'll be stepping out."

His voice echoes over his shoulder as he paces down the front steps. Quickly I grab my purse by the side table and gather myself bracing for the cold air to hit my skin for the first time in many days.

I try to regain pace with Michael but in my daze of a hurry I failed to see him stop before me until I've smacked against his chest.

I quickly look up as his hands wrap around the top of my arms to steady me.

"And after we see Tommy, you and I are having a chat."

He says nothing more before getting into the started vehicle. I stand there for a moment contemplating what exactly just happened.

" _Fuck me."_

The grumble is my final words before slamming the car door closed behind me.

—-

The hallway was dimly lit. The lights that were present slightly flickered. It was a scene straight out of a nightmare.

I tried to keep pace with Michael but my steps faltered behind his own. I know Tommy is alive and breathing but what does that really mean? He's alive, he survived but is he really in a state of living?

I hadn't realized my feet had melted into the floor, planted. Watching the nurses and Michaels retreating form. He seemed to realize I was no longer by his side and quickly glanced back. His steps halted as well.

Words were thrown over his shoulder to the nurse as his figure retreated from her form and towards my own. My palms were drenched and were gripped righting in the fabric of my dress.

His steps were calm but powerful. There was an ever growing pit in my stomach and it was growing every moment.

His scent has overcame my senses. It was something I loved about him. Always smelt of a warm musk. That scent alone helped ease some of my nerves.

"You need to see him."

No what I need is a large glass of bourbon.

"All I can remember is that night. I was so scared. I thought— I thought he was gonna die, right in front of me. I couldn't do anything to help him. I had to just watch him suffer."

The words were whispered but I felt them echo off the long walls.

"Kenzie you are the reason he is alive right now. If you hadn't found him he wouldn't have made it to Ada and the hospital. You need to see that he's alright."

"How do you know he's alright? Physically he might be better but what about mentally. I know what those drugs can do to a person. It's like having your brain put in a fucking liquidizer!"

His silence confirmed my assumptions. Know one truly knew the state of Thomas Shelby.

"I need you with me. I have to tell him- you and him something."

He spoke with uncertainty. He wanted to tell us but unsure if he can. As we both stood here I knew now wasn't the time to play poor me. Unraveling my hand from the soft fabric my finger tips gently graze the must large hand placed before me.

"Michael I know things have— I know things have been off with us lately but you can tell me anything. You know that right?"

I watch his hand slowly unravel at his side. Creating a space for my own to nicely fit.

It had been some time since this had occurred.

It felt nice.

No it felt amazing.

My lips couldn't help but lift upward slightly. His own seeming to do the same. I took a deep breath. An action Michael seemingly followed.

I gently tugged on his hand, signifying I was ready.

Suddenly there's was a light pressure on my cheek. It went as quickly as it came. I was unable to relish in the feeling because soon enough the nurse was announcing our arrival to the inhabitant of the hospital room.

He stood there lit by the moonlight through the window. I faintly heard Michael thank the nurse but only as background noise. My gaze penetrating the back off the man stood before me.

Watching him bring the spoon to his mouth again and again. Switching it off with a cigarette. It taste like candy and will rot your brain like a cavity. He seemed slightly thinner and his distinctive hair cut was marred with staples and stitches.

The pit within me grew. Having to witness a man of such power and strength be reduced to nothing in the eyes is a gut punch.

My grip on Michaels hand could only tighten.

"Tommy. I need to speak to you about the priest."

He's breathing had wavered. One of the only signs I know he has to show his nerves.

The priest he speaks of I've heard about but do not know much knowledge of. He was a ploy. Part of the Russians scheme to tear apart what the man before me has worked so hard for.

"I know things about him."

The pounded of my heart could have drowned out my hearing.

"From when I was a— from when I was a boy."

The lump in my throat was ever so present. Michael hand was pried from my own as his figured step forward.

"I will shoot him myself, Tommy."

 **God, no**.

 _Please_.

This isn't happening.

"Just teach me how to shoot."

Tommy's scoff overlaps the sound released involuntarily from my lips.

"Easy Michael. Just point. Pull the trigger."

Standing from the distance I watch the two men I love. One in the shadow of the other. If you kept staring it almost seemed like the could combine into one.

The knot in my throat had dropped to my stomach setting off a bomb. The results being the tears down my cheeks and the trembles of my hands.

I knew what Michael meant.

And I felt as if I would be sick.

No more words were spoke. I watched as Michael reluctantly stepped back. His footsteps led him to the door. The closing of the latch soon behind him.

There was a war brewing inside me. It felt cold and dark. If this is the nightmare that the boys faced after returning then I understand why they all went crazy. It slowly tears you apart from within.

Forcing myself to move forward I position myself in front of the man who has shaped my life. His crystal blue eyes were blank. All the the knowledge I knew he held was not present.

Someone had beat it out of him.

I'm here to give it back.

"Tommy."

His eyes didn't waver from the window. Not that I expected them too.

"Tommy you are gonna get better. You're gonna come home and be with your son and your family. And then we will kill the men who did this. All of this."

No response. Merely a blink. But I know he heard in a deep crevice of his mind.

Slowly raising to my toes my lips planted themselves on his cold cheek. Placing my hand over the same spot I dipped my head and closed my eyes.

Now was not the time for weakness.

Now was the time for strength.

My powerful steps brush pasted him as I leave the room.

I had to find the man who had just fled. The request he had made hadn't made any sense.

Him and I both know he is capable of shooting a gun.

—-

As I untangled my hair in front of the mirror I finally took notice of its growth.

In the 3 months that had passed it has grown substantially. Placing down the brush I gaze at my appearance. Small nose, slight bags under eyes, thick eyebrows. Everything that is not on trend. Well at least according to the articles kept on Ada's table.

Finishing up my morning routine with a mist of perfume I make my way downstairs. Charlie was sat with Tommy in bed this morning so there was no need for me to worry for him. I still checked in though. Mary telling me that he was sat with the other girls. Excepting her answer I stride down the stairs.

The house was finally once again at a bustle. The house staff and the boys voices filling the corridor.

It was nice to feel at peace for once. Having been taking heavy dutiful role these past months has been exhausting to say the least.

But now Thomas Shelby was back and with vengeance.

Pressing my hand against the door of the kitchen I catch the tail end of the conversation going on.

"Arthur? If you're gonna get in like this with the Apaches, they'll fucking scalp you, boy."

"Aww Johnny, you know no one would scalp our Arthur. His haircut is too fucking awful."

My hands ran a mess through the eldest Shelby's hair. Expecting a riot from him but receiving nothing. I only watched as he remained stoically starring at the table.

I looked around the room to find the serious and solemn faces of John and Johnny Dogs.

My only relief came from a hand placed on my back. I looked up with confusion.

"What did I miss?"

Michaels face softens only slightly. His hand gently grazing my back as if to comfort me.

My curious glance around the room was interrupted by the ringing of a bell.

"Tommy said when that bell rings were all to go to the big room. Come on Tommy has a plan."

The small Irish man hoped off the counter and put his glass on the counter with a pep in his step. The rest of the men seemed reluctant to follow.

"Now what's wrong with you lot?"

I look at John and Arthur for an answer. Normally not ones to hide things but no answer is given. Arthur gives me a small smile and bumps his shoulder against my own in passing. John swaggers over with a cigar placed in one hand. His free hand reaches up and his thumb and pointer pinch at my chin.

"Nothing's wrong Kenzie girl. Now c'mon lets go see what the boss wants."

He pivots to follow Arthur out of the room.

Glancing up once more hoping to get an answer from Michael all that I get is lips pressed to my forehead before being carted off to Tommy's office.

Entering the room Tommy is stood perched against his desk. He seems slightly ruffled and I understand why once seeing the other presence in the room.

"McKenzie, hello! So nice to see you again!"

The large Jewish man softly placed his hands on my shoulders and set a generous kiss on both cheeks.

Alfie Solomon's was an... interesting man to say the least.

I had met him a handful of times doing work for Tommy. He was never anything but kind to me but I know his past including what he did to Arthur so I try and keep our exchanges brief.

"Getting prettier and prettier every time I see you!"

I watch as Michael roles his eyes. He was never fond of our interactions.

"Thank you Mr. Solomon. Nice to see you too."

I was smart enough to know to keep things nice for business purposes.

"McKenzie what have I told you it's Alfie silly girl."

I only nod before finding myself stood next to Michael. His arm reaching behind me gripping the edge of the windowsill.

"Arthur!"

I watch the interaction from a distance. I understand why Arthur is acting the way he is. This is the man that framed him for murder.

"Mr. Solomon huh?"

Warm breath tickles my right ear. I tilt my head till our eyes hold contact. His eyebrow is perched in a playful but still curious way.

"Oh stop, it's just business."

I bump my shoulder against his side for his teasing. He only smiles before watching the ongoing interaction between Arthur and Alfie on the couch.

My eyes stay planted on the side of his face. Taking in all his features for the hundredth time.

The months that past have been anything but easy. We had been on a rocky path for some time before Tommy's incident. The cause of that being both of our doing. Even during that time and our days apart I learned something about us.

I could never hate him.

He could do the most outlandish thing. The most blasphemies action and yet still I would stand by his side.

The climax came from the events that transpired after Tommy's hospital visit.

" _Michael!"_

 _His steps didn't waver. The outside of the hospital was damp in cold. The same as the past nights have been, reflecting the end of winter._

 _My paced increased against the stone pathway. My determination to stop him in his tracks ever growing._

 _"Michael Gray!"_

 _My arm shot out finally close enough to grab him._

 _"What!"_

 _His outrage couldn't diminish the anguish in his eyes. I couldn't hold myself back from throwing my arms around him. My arms shaking around his center. A hand rested at the base of my neck the other rubbing my back._

 _This is not how I planned this. I was meant to comfort him. Listen and be here for him. But of course he's the one giving me comfort. Like he always does._

 _I pulled away. My trembling hands gently resting on the sides of his face._

 _"Why didn't you tell me?"_

 _The question stung from my core. I didn't know and I should've. He's been there for me throughout it all and I didn't know._

 _I didn't know the love of my life was tormented and abused._

 _What caused more anguish within me was the look on his face._

 _He removed my hands from his face and began to pace._

 _"Tell you what. That I was made a fool of. That I had been overpowered by a fucking priest!"_

 _"You were a little boy! A child! And that man. That fucked up piece of shit took advantage of you!"_

 _Our screams were surrounded by the pale air that coated our breaths. Our shoulders heaving from the weight of ours words._

 _"I'm sorry Michael. I'm so so sorry. I know that doesn't fix it and it never will but if I could take it away I would."_

 _I stepped towards him and forced his eyes among my own._

 _"I don't know what else to say but what I do know is that you're an incredible man."_

 _He let out a resistant scoff but I wasn't having it. Reaching out I lock my hands at his jaw and bring his forehead to connect with my own._

 _"You've changed so many people's lives. You are a smart, funny, courages man. I am so god damn blessed to have you in my life. You are my world. I can't change your past. I would sell my soul to do so but I can't. Our jobs now are to make our futures as grand as possible. And no matter what happens I will always be here for you. I love you."_

 _Watching him close his eyes and rest his head against mine. His tense form slowly loosening, not completely but somewhat._

 _Once his eyes opened again I could see the clarity within them._

 _"God I fucking love you."_

 _He grasped the back of my neck conjoining our lips. This being the most sacred and passionate kiss we've ever shared. Every emotion you can think of that had been bottled up finally getting its release._

 _As we separate his hand remained firm._

 _"I don't want a future without you in it."_

 _The seriousness of his words dawned on me. We had talked about the future but never really our future._

 _"And Our future will start as soon as I put a bullet in that fuckers brain."_

 _The disappearance of his warm company allowed the cool air to take its place. His retreating form striding to the car with the most power I've seen. Like the conversation never took place or affected him._

 _As I watched his back his form seemed to transform. His height becoming taller and hair much darker._

—

Tommy told me to meet him at the office in Birmingham after the boys night out. They needed to get into the Russians house and Alfie was part of the plan.

I'm assuming it went well if the plan is moving forward. I don't care to hear how the evening went however. I've heard things about the Russians.

It seems that they're a special breed.

Using my key to unlock the front door I let myself into the reception area before digging around for another key into the actual office.

I had been running late so hearing sounds from inside I assumed it was Tommy.

"Sorry I'm late Tommy I had to —"

Looking up from my purse I'm caught with the dead stare of Polly in front of a tired Tommy.

Glancing at the two it was clear there was tension. It became clear as to why when the green box was spotted in Pol's hand.

"Pol it's—"

"Shut it Kenzie."

I didn't argue. I simply made my way over to the desk at the head of the room I'm order to watch the exchange bound to happen.

"You shouldn't go looking through other people's things"

So that had been how she found it. The only people with access to Michaels drawer were him and myself. I had never used that privilege however. His desk was his business.

"He's my son."

"The bullet was mine I never got a chance to fire it."

"And the gypsy rules say it must be passed on..."

"It's not about rules Pol. It's about he asked me."

Pols face went stark white.

"It's about he told me why he wanted to do it."

Even after talking about what happened hearing it brought up causes shivers down my spine. Polly doesn't even know what happened to her son.

"And if I tell you, I can't take the knowledge back. Better off without it."

Polly's eye darting across the room. It seemed to be her deterrent from tears gathering but that ultimately failed.

"So this is when he was with the Parrish?"

"Better off without it, Pol."

I had to agree with Tommy. Polly is quite unpredictable. And with the full knowledge of

what happened she might spiral.

Her eyes moved around the room once more. Her vision eventually landing on me.

"Do you know?"

The question was quick. She wanted to know how many people knew before her.

I reluctantly nodded my head. Too nervous to confirm with my voice. She looked back to Thomas.

"This is when he was with the fathers."

"This is when he was in the care of the holy fathers. Michael wants it that you don't know."

Tears eventually ruptured down the scornful mothers cheeks.

"That priest—"

"That priest who was there when he was taken in, and who is still walking the fucking earth."

She let out a curse before covering her mouth with a shaking hand.

I wanted to reach out to comfort her but I knew now wasn't the time.

"He asked me, Pol, and I said yes."

"He asked me as well."

The information spilled out of me before I could stop it. She needed to know why this had to be done by Michaels hand.

Both pairs of eyes were on me. Polly's still with tears and now disbelief and Tommy's that held something I had never seen before with him. Surprise.

It seemed that Michael didn't discuss with Tommy the extent of my knowledge.

"And I said yes."

I had known Tommy's decision prior to hearing this. It had an impact on my answer as well. He understood the need for Michael to do this.

"And I said. "You put a bullet in that fucker's brains." By—"

"By order of the Peaky Blinders."

Cutting Tommy off was a dangerous thing to do. But I knew in this situation it was necessary. She needed to see that this wasn't us telling him to do this. We were giving our blessing.

Polly let out an emotional sigh while wiping at her tears. She built up her stature to regain composure

"No. Not my son."

Fuck.

"He'll still be as dead if Arthur does it."

"And part of him will always stay dead."

That is why it was Michael who needed to pull the trigger. He needed to take the life of the man who took part of his.

I know killing someone changes a man. As it would do for Michael. But this was his choice. And I would be here for him after no matter the cost.

"Polly please listen he—"

"You shut your mouth McKenzie Grace."

"No! He has made his decision and I will stand by it. You may be his mother but he's his own man now."

If Polly could kill me with a look I'd be a heap on the ground.

"I swear to god—"

"—In whose house it took place."

"— if my son pulls the trigger, I will bring this whole ducking organization down around your ears."

Polly stood to leave but before she did she took a dangerous step towards me.

"I don't care who you are to me or my son. Whatever this relationship is, is stupid fucking puppy love. If this is done by his hand you'll be gone from this family like you were to start with."

She was almost out the door, I knew she didn't mean what she said. She's said in the passed that Michael and I should be married by now. But her words had truly stung and that as well as my ego is the read I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"It wouldn't of happened if Michael never had to be put there in the first place."

She stopped with her hand on the knob but didn't turn back.

"And don't you **ever** fucking assume the amount of love that your son and I have for each other. You and I know that isn't even questionable."

The door slam shook the entire office.

I looked back at the pair of eyes left in the office. We both new the same thing.

 _The war has begun. And hopefully everyone makes it out alive._


End file.
